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Old 02-07-2013, 09:00 AM   #21
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Re: How to convince dh to have another???

my husband and i are in the same boat. he told me the other day, as a shock to me, that he was done. i asked, about what. and he said he doesnt want anymore kids. even though he has said the past year that he wants at least 2 more. but, i think its our finances that are making him second guess. i pray about this on a daily basis. one day, i hope my husband turns around. because i am sooooooooo not done and my baby fever is out of this roof!


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Old 02-16-2013, 12:47 AM   #22
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Re: How to convince dh to have another???

Not much you can do to talk someone into more kiddos. I think they either have a calling for more, or they don't. My DH wants as many as we can have, even if that means we get into Duggar territory, LOL. All you can do is convey your desire to him without pushing it.
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Old 02-16-2013, 06:55 AM   #23
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My dh was 'done' at 3 and I spent 2 years going through the emotions of being angry, sad, and resentful towards him. I felt very strongly about a 4th. I got to a point where I even considered 'trapping' him, not caring that the repercussions could mean divorce - I wanted another and wanted it to have the same daddy as the other kids. After all, what kind of husband did I have if he couldn't see how much this meant to me? And really, Im the one that does all of the 'work' anyway...looking back, I know how awful those thoughts were.

In any case, it took a few years but we have our 4th by completely honorable means on my part lol. She is a great baby but I cant say that im not the one pushing for the vasectomy this time around - with a 5yr gap between her and the next kiddo up, i really did forget bow much work and sacrifice the little buggers can be! Lol!

Have patience, in time your dh may see how much it means to you and change his tune.
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Old 02-16-2013, 07:11 AM   #24
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Re: How to convince dh to have another???

I love all these stories about people loving and wanting children! It's so wonderful to hear when you think about how many people out there have abortions or are mean to the children they do have. Don't want to start an abortion debate just wanted to say that it's nice to hear!!

Its so funny that this thread came up on my latest posts screen bc my husband and I were JUST talking about this last night. I want 4 and have always wanted 4. I think I will feel just like op if we only have three. I love my son more than anything and even though it is hard I can't imagine doing anything else! We are expecting our second and I keep thinking that my husband will not change his mind about having 4. When we are the ones carrying the baby I think it makes it even harder to think about limiting these wonderful blessings. Especially when there is so much emotion floating around while you are pregnant. To add to the mix that while you are pregnant you have to think about it being your last! It's so sad!!!

Anyways, general rambling but that's how I feel about it!
Loving wife to my gaming, sports loving hubbie. Sahm to J 2/12 and L 10/13
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Old 02-19-2013, 06:50 AM   #25
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Re: How to convince dh to have another???

My suggestion is to pray and pray some more. When DH and I are opposite on an issue I pray that: A) God soften Dh's heart B) that God change my heart BOTH according to His will. Keep praying and just wait. Do not nag or have a bad attitude, but submit with respect and love to Dh's decision. Dh is making a decision as the leader of your family for right now and God may be blessing that and it's just unseen right now. Maybe God will soften his heart (it's happened on other issues for us) or maybe God will close that desire in your heart for one more.

My personal story, long story short, is I wanted a 5th baby. After harder pregnancies and rough c/s recoveries, Dh just felt done after 4 though we'd always envisioned having 5+. It wasn't finances, it wasn't that our 4 kids were driving him crazy... he just felt done. He didn't want me to go through another c/s, he's happy with our 4, content, etc, just done.
I was sad and thought about nagging him and making a big production of my wanting another one. We use condoms to prevent. Instead I went the prayer and respectful submission route! haha. Better choice!
About 4 months ago, life on our farm changed. DH's dad was no longer able to help him, DH is gone a lot more, DH needs my help more and more on the farm... something I would not be able to do while pregnant, recovering, and having a newborn... and he is no longer able to help me as much at home. God totally saw how our life was going to change (something I was not foreseeing for another 3 years or so) and there's no doubt in my mind that HE closed the desire in DH's heart. And I'm thankful for DH's leadership! So thankful! I wouldn't say the desire in my heart is closed for another little bundle, but I can say God has made me content with my 4 and I trust Him that in time He will help me on my journey to being "done". I will continue to pray for God's will to be done and for Him to guide us in our decision making. DH is wanting a vasectomy and I am praying big time over this (for guidance and wisdom).
Anyway, don't know if that helped at all; but just wanted to give a testimony about how Dh's can be led by God though it doesn't feel like it to us wives at times! Good luck to you!
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Old 02-22-2013, 12:21 PM   #26
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Re: How to convince dh to have another???

Don't lose hope! I convinced my DH to reverse his vasectomy after 5 years (I had grudgingly agreed to the V after we had #2). It was a sore spot in our marriage for a long time and I finally convinced him that having one more was more important to me than having only two was to him. Now that #3 is here DH is actually fine with having another... go figure!

The only advice I can give you is to make sure he knows how you feel and how important it is to you. Don't agree to a vasectomy, if he decides to get one you need to make it clear that you are not ok with it... he might do it anyway but I can't tell you how much regret I felt in having agreed to the vasectomy! I still wonder what might have been if I had stood up for what I wanted! I was 40 by the time I had #3...

My DH tells me now that if I had only made it clear how strongly I felt about having another, he never would have had the Vasectomy!!
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Old 04-23-2013, 05:38 PM   #27
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Re: How to convince dh to have another???

Originally Posted by bigmamakelsey View Post

I'm in the same situation. In all honesty, there is nothing you can say or do to make someone want to have a baby. It's just not one of those things you can force, ya know? I knew before we were married he only wanted 2. I want 3. We have our 2, and his mind has not changed. I still WANT 3, but more than anything I want a happy family, and I know DH would not be happy with 3 because it would be a burden for us financially. As much as I want that 3rd baby, I don't want a baby with someone who does not want it as much as I do. It's not fair for anyone, especially the (hypothetical) child.
I fully agree with this. We are having the discussion right now about a 3rd. I want to try, he isn't convinced. For the health and happiness of your family (which is the MOST important thing in my opinion) you both need to be on board. I'm not willing to risk my relationship for another child because I would be sacrificing the happiness of my existing children by putting my relationship at risk. If the hubbies don't change their mind (on their own without pressure) we will need to fill that need some other way. Like maybe actually taking some time to focus on ourselves and our own self-fulfillment. If the hubs can't be convinced, I'm looking into starting a hobby that I've been interested in, and getting back into shape from baby #2. I reckon I'll always wonder about that 3rd child, but I gotta focus on the 2 I have and my wonderful family. Good luck getting to a point where you are content
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