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Old 02-22-2013, 03:17 PM   #91
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Re: Dads rights: naming, circing, etc?

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I'm really not trying to be rude but I don't think you understand my original question. They can not have EQUAL rights in some cases. There is only one penis on a baby boy. If they took it to court, someone would have to win the fight. If they will not agree on a first name, someone will have to win.
They do have equal rights. If either parent refuses the circ, then it won't be done, regardless of what the other parent wants.

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Old 02-22-2013, 03:32 PM   #92
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Re: Dads rights: naming, circing, etc?

We both do the research and come to an agreement. Somethings we don't research though because it just makes sense to us. Like circ, we didn't research it and left them intact, just made sense *to us*. I would hate having to make all the decisions, and I would hate having DH make all the decisions. My DH did fill out the BC with ds1, and then with ds2 our MW did. We did both have to sign it though saying we are the parents of our kids.
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Old 02-22-2013, 05:48 PM   #93
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I guess we are lucky that DD instantly bonded with DH. She always has been a daddy's girl though.

He had very limited time before he deployed - I can't imagine what it would have done to him if she would have refused to have anything to do with him as a newborn.
Dd4 would even find a way to touch dh when I was nursing. He puts her to bed. She crawled to him first. She has just generally liked him from day 1
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Old 02-22-2013, 06:01 PM   #94
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Re: Dads rights: naming, circing, etc?

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Yet the wife has to consent if the man wants a vasectomy. Such a strange double standard.
I didn't give consent to my husband's vasectomy and I would have thought it weird if my consent was required.

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Naming, again in hospital it is 100% mother's choice. However I was told that in Illinois you have 1 year to legally change a child's name with no charge and few hoops tomjump through. Mother is not required to give consent to a name change. Or so I understood it anyway. That was nearly 14 years ago though so things may well have changed since then. Especially since 911 occurred. Many things have changed since then.
The hospital misspelled my DD's name so it was misspelled on her birth certificate and on her SS card (her name is Christiana and they put Christina on the BC and SSC). DH got it "changed" to the correct name without me having to lift a finger or give consent. He had to make multiple trips to the SS office, though, and make multiple phone calls to Kaiser. He was told that he had 1 year to make the change and after that it is much more difficult to do (it was difficult enough as it was, lol). It didn't cost us anything, either.
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Old 02-22-2013, 06:26 PM   #95
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Dd4 would even find a way to touch dh when I was nursing. He puts her to bed. She crawled to him first. She has just generally liked him from day 1
That is so adorable

I keep telling DH that the baby in utero is gonna like ME! Lol

You'd think seeing as he was gone for most of her first year that I'd be a bigger priority, but.... no.
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Old 02-22-2013, 06:44 PM   #96
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Re: Dads rights: naming, circing, etc?

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I don't think it was a case of not bonding with him, but they knew my scent, my voice, my heartbeat, and that comforted them more than DH. After a few months DH could comfort them, but the first little while they needed me. They were happy to interact with DH at the beginning but with me right there. DH was not bothered by it though as he understood they spent 9 months in my womb.
There was recently an evening when DH tried to give me a break and comfort DD. She was not having it, though, and threw a screaming fit while DH did everything he could to comfort her. I couldn't take the screaming so I patted her back and talked to her while he held her. She calmed down slightly for a short period of time. I didn't want to tell him that she was crying cuz she wanted me... I didn't' want to hurt his feelings. Anyway, he figured out that she just wanted her mama and, as soon as he handed her over, she was calm. He was hurt regardless, poor DH. She was a lot older than 2 weeks, too. More like 2 months.
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Old 02-23-2013, 06:22 AM   #97
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Re: Dads rights: naming, circing, etc?

Naming, DH wanted equal say. Boo. And our tastes are completely different. My mom chose all our names. My sister is pregnant and chose the possible names for boy/girl(her husband agreed to them, but he's very agreeable normally). I had to compromise on our youngest child's name.
Vaccines, I did all the research, he let the decision default to me. He didn't put up a fight at all on this one. After sometime, he did do some of his own research and now its a JOINT decision instead of him just letting it default to me.
When it comes to circ, he would have circed my youngest over my dead body. Never came down to that - by the time he was born, he was just a strong an intactivist as I was. Just took some time for him to process the information, step out of denial and face his own mutilation, and heal from there on and choose better for his own sons. It was a whole ordeal, that was for sure, but I've heard of some men that won't listen to reason, and if that had been my DH I would have told him "I will protect my child from anyone that wants to harm him, including any doctor, and even his own father!" It was because I feel this strongly that he did his own research and basically let the decision default to me. Except by the time he researched, there was no decision to make. He realized cutting off normal, necessary, purposeful body parts was barbaric and not a "decision" that should ever be up for debate.

Legally, if I had a husband or my child's father fight me on our decisions, I don't know what I'd do. I would fear for my child's safety if hte decisions were left in the court's hands.
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Old 02-23-2013, 07:57 AM   #98
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There was recently an evening when DH tried to give me a break and comfort DD. She was not having it, though, and threw a screaming fit while DH did everything he could to comfort her. I couldn't take the screaming so I patted her back and talked to her while he held her. She calmed down slightly for a short period of time. I didn't want to tell him that she was crying cuz she wanted me... I didn't' want to hurt his feelings. Anyway, he figured out that she just wanted her mama and, as soon as he handed her over, she was calm. He was hurt regardless, poor DH. She was a lot older than 2 weeks, too. More like 2 months.
We still deal with this. My dd is 18 months. :/
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Old 02-23-2013, 12:19 PM   #99
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Re: Dads rights: naming, circing, etc?

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We still deal with this. My dd is 18 months. :/
4.5 and we're still at that stage
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Old 02-23-2013, 02:37 PM   #100
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Re: Dads rights: naming, circing, etc?

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Naming, DH wanted equal say. Boo. And our tastes are completely different.
this is our deal too. I lucked out with Magnolia that he liked it.. but man.. he's very conventional.

for all the kids who are dealing with parents who can't soothe them at over a yr of age - I don't know what you've tried, but sometimes you just have to leave the room and let the other parent handle it. Or the house.

It's very normal and as the parent who is most frequently rejected around this house, I can tell you it's very painful. But I appreciate when DH leaves the room or whatever so that I can be the one to calm her down. Surely it'd be quicker if I just handed her to him, but how does that help anyone?

anyways... that's very off topic. and I do apologize if it sounds preachy or offensive. I don't mean it that way. I just know that it's hard to let someone else do it. but that it helps so much over the long haul.
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