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Old 03-02-2013, 08:20 AM   #21
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Re: DH wants to convert. I dont understand...

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Originally Posted by Hillargh View Post
Mama, he didn't plan this and marry you with this in secrecy. Don't feel deceived. He isn't doing it to hurt you.
I agree with this.

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I am confused also. I believe we owe it to our children to expose them to all beliefs. It is ok for mommy to have one and Daddy to have another.
I'm also a little confused on this. The kids do presumably know that not all people believe the same thing, right?

When you say that he knows you're uncomfortable but he's doing it anyway -- I think you just have to accept that. It seems to be important to him (even if it wasn't before). Would you want him to be miserable and feel like he has to give it up in order to keep peace in the marriage?

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Old 03-02-2013, 09:12 AM   #22
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I suppose I see religious expression or lack thereof as a journey, not a destination. So, I wouldn't expect anyone to believe the same thing at 44 as they believed at 4. I would hope most people don't. I think you need to accept this. This is his search for truth and his journey to pursue. Setting aside the resentment that you might create by giving him grief over this very personal journey, there is also the matter that this is something he is doing for himself. He needs to find his own truth. He may stick with Judaism. Or he may change him mind 20 times. But the important part is the journey. I don't think he is doing this because he feels something is missing or because you did something wrong. It seems to me that he doesn't believe in Catholicism, and is seeking out Judaism either because he does believe or because he is wanting to connect with his heritage. I think your children will be fortunate to have two different viewpoints (albeit both Abrahamic) in one household. It will allow them to see that they can make their own decisions on religion, and that there are many different options out there.
I started to type a response, but this says everything I wanted to!
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Old 03-02-2013, 09:28 AM   #23
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Maybe is it that Judaism does not believe in Christ?
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Old 03-02-2013, 09:39 AM   #24
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Maybe is it that Judaism does not believe in Christ?
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Old 03-02-2013, 10:04 AM   #25
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Maybe is it that Judaism does not believe in Christ?
But he believed in nothing before. So how can that be the issue?

I'm pretty confused by what the actual issue is. His heritage IS Jewish. This was known. If his mother was Jewish instead of his father he wouldn't have had to convert at all. He would already have been considered Jewish under Jewish law.

Exposing children to their OWN heritage seems like a logical thing regardless if dh converts or not. I am a complete atheist and have been most of my life. My xdh was raised Jewish my current dh was raised catholic. I feel it's important for my kids to be familiar with both and also church of England which my father was raised with.

You children will benefit from exposure Judaism not be damaged by it. Accepting your dh for who he is is part of a healthy marriage(as long as he's not hurting anybody with his beliefs or actions).
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Old 03-02-2013, 11:07 AM   #26
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Re: DH wants to convert. I dont understand...

Why don't you just have a heart to heart with each other about what this means for the kids and their religious experience, if that's what you are worried about?
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Old 03-02-2013, 11:12 AM   #27
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Re: DH wants to convert. I dont understand...

I think what would be hard for me and we are a catholic family is that our faith is very important as a family, and it is good that we all practice the same thing. I converted to Catholicism and my DH was raised Catholic. It is good for us as a family to go to mass, celebrate together. I think it would be hard if I took the kids to mass by myself while he went somewhere else. We tried many churches before because I was Protestant and ot agreeing on a church was hard. We tried Unitarian to and it wasn't right for us.

I would be ok with him exploring his faith, but maybe a compromise, like once a month, we all go to mass together?
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Old 03-02-2013, 11:22 AM   #28
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Re: DH wants to convert. I dont understand...

Is he a live and let live kind if guy? I live in fear of the day DH rediscovers the Christ of his childhood. He grew up pentacostal in the Deep South. He also isn't the most tolerant person in the world and it could very well destroy our marriage since I'm an atheist with Jewish overtones. If he had a more open minded personality and was more accepting maybe it wouldn't matter. But with his personality? It will be a huge problem. So I can understand where your coming from.
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Old 03-02-2013, 11:28 AM   #29
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Re: DH wants to convert. I dont understand...

I would absolutely understand the upset if OP's DH were Catholic, and then converted to Judaism. As I said, if my DP went from being atheist (a specific belief) to Jewish or Christian or anything else, I would be utterly crushed. But, if he were openly just kind of nothing, no commitment to any one thought system, I couldn't see getting upset.
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Old 03-02-2013, 11:40 AM   #30
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Re: DH wants to convert. I dont understand...

Do you feel deceived b/c he did not choose to explore, learn about, and possibly convert to Catholicism first? I could understand that since you are Catholic and you both agreed to bring the children up in the Catholic faith. If that is an issue, perhaps express that to him, but either way, you cannot lead anyone into your chosen faith. And if you try, and they concede only for your sake, it will do more damage to the children in their faith than if you let the person go their own way. Exposing them to other faiths, I believe, is good. It doesn't mean they have to practice that faith, and in fact, I think it can often strengthen one's own faith when exposed to other beliefs. But they will benefit from seeing other traditions, and they will benefit from seeing their father go from nothing to something he truly believes in b/c he has put into it time, energy, prayer, and dedication. The best thing to do, I believe, is to have an open minded heart to heart with your husband, and to be happy for him that he has found faith, even if it is not the faith you would choose for him.
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