February/March Chat Thread

[ivparker]

We took in 3 little girls a little over a week ago. They are 2yo, 14 mths, and 2 mthd. It was a little crazy at first, but things seem to be working out good. The oldest is very attached to me. She gets scared if I even leave the room. That is slowly getting better, though. So now we have 8, 7, 6,5,3,2,1, and newborn. We still aren't sure if the state will let us keep them as they are concerned about the number and young ages of our children. I hope they decide soon as I think it would be awful for the kiddos as they have really attached to our family. I must say I do have many guilty feeling moments, like I sing a special bedtime song every night for dfd2 but not my dd3. I also realized that I think dfd's whining bothers me more then my dd, although I don't react differently. I feel it, and it makes me feel really bad. Does that just mean I haven't bonded to dfd as I am with my dd? Is this normal?

[luvbeingmomma]

Wowza Ivanna! I need some of your energy! I couldnt imagine that many littles. Of course I am used to only having 1 or 2 at a time.

[mmbreb]

Originally Posted by ivparker We took in 3 little girls a little over a week ago. They are 2yo, 14 mths, and 2 mthd. It was a little crazy at first, but things seem to be working out good. The oldest is very attached to me. She gets scared if I even leave the room. That is slowly getting better, though. So now we have 8, 7, 6,5,3,2,1, and newborn. We still aren't sure if the state will let us keep them as they are concerned about the number and young ages of our children. I hope they decide soon as I think it would be awful for the kiddos as they have really attached to our family. I must say I do have many guilty feeling moments, like I sing a special bedtime song every night for dfd2 but not my dd3. I also realized that I think dfd's whining bothers me more then my dd, although I don't react differently. I feel it, and it makes me feel really bad. Does that just mean I haven't bonded to dfd as I am with my dd? Is this normal?

I have the same feelings about Little-Man's crying compared to DS crying. I try to always be fare and equal but Little-Man's crying just grates on my nerves. I just attribute it to not being bonded the same way. I am just not there with Little-Man. I think part of that is because there is a lot of talk of him going home soon. I know its coming and I can't bond the same as I think I would otherwise. I just accept it for what it is I guess and try not to feel bad. I still care for him deeply and feel I am providing him with a great home until he is back with his family.

[newmommy13]

you guys i don't think its that bad. you can't expect yourselves to feel the same way about these kiddos (that you do have a great deal of affection for of course) that you essentially just met when you compare them to the children you delivered. it takes time and effort i think.

[Mama2ManyBoyz]

Originally Posted by newmommy13 you guys i don't think its that bad. you can't expect yourselves to feel the same way about these kiddos (that you do have a great deal of affection for of course) that you essentially just met when you compare them to the children you delivered. it takes time and effort i think. i am not there with J and its distressing to me. it will be 8 months this month that he has been with us and i still don't have that kind of bond with him. i don't know if i ever will and that is scary. like ivanna said i try to respond appropriately to everything but in my heart its not the same. i feel very differently about him than i felt about our first foster daughter who we were told we were going to be able to adopt and then she went to a different adoptive family. she was MINE within the first week. i felt panicky desperation when they told me she was leaving and i don't get that feeling when there is talk of J reuniting. i love him dearly like i would love family but i know he's not mine. i think a big factor in the difference between the two is that Js mom and family is very present in our lives and dfd1 had no visits at all so it was like she was ours right away. and as much as i hate to admit it i think his behaviors contribute to our bonding too. we are having him evaled for OT/sensory. but the big news is that the twins are being detained and they are coming here. she is being induced on the 7th at 36 weeks. mom said they are anticipating a nicu stay. i am very concerned about their health and mom is very upset that they are being detained so i am a little worried that she could take off which would be bad for her case as well as being bad for the babies continuity of care. i am excited but i am also terrified at the thought of 2 newborns at once in addition to J and his craziness and THE LAUNDRY. the reality of going from a family of 3 to a family of 6 in just 8 short months is setting in and i'm getting a little nervous! when will i sleep? when will i grocery shop? what if i get a migraine? i'm getting BOTOX tomorrow for the headaches so really praying for some relief in that area before the twins come home. :/

Will be praying constantly....for relief from your migraines, J's behavior, easy babies, and superhuman energy levels.

[newmommy13]

thank you so much mama!

[sunnymommy]

Originally Posted by Mama2ManyBoyz Will be praying constantly....for relief from your migraines, J's behavior, easy babies, and superhuman energy levels.

Ditto!

Ime it really makes a difference when you know a kid is going to stay. Just because you do not have that bond now does not mean that you won't develop it once you Know that kid is YOURS. Even with both of my two that we Knew there was like 1% chance of them leaving the bond still wasn't fully there until after relinquishment/adoptive placement. And then it's still not totally complete until finalization.

Angie, how are you? Praying and thinking of you. Are they still investigating allegations on Hope?

[ivparker]

Originally Posted by Mama2ManyBoyz Will be praying constantly....for relief from your migraines, J's behavior, easy babies, and superhuman energy levels.

I will as well.

Thanks ladies. That makes me feel better. With our first placement, 3month old twins, I literally felt bonded to them the moment I saw them. I even felt it physically in my stomach. I'm not sure if I'm guarding my heart more this time,but I dont have the same feelings. Although logically they are perfect for our family. If we adopt these girls, that would give us 4 boys and 4 girls, if my dh and I kept having babies, the ages would be about right (still everyone 1 year apart) and I have special love for the Latino culture and everyone mistakes me for being Latino. It would be so right for our family. At the same time I hope their parents fight their struggles so they all can be a family again.

[newmommy13]

I felt it physically too with dfd1. I do think I am guarding too. It is a strange feeling to be rooting for mom though while hoping to be able to adopt these kids...i don't know what I want! I will be devastated if they go to the grandma though. Very worried about that.

Wondering about angie too.

[FindingMercy]

Abraham's birthmom had an ultrasound today. They think she's having a girl, but now she's saying she wanted a boy, not a girl, because girls are so hard. She didn't say either way on whether she plans to parent or place though. The waiting game continues.