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Old 03-19-2013, 09:03 PM   #1
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Red face How to walk away from a friendship?

I have a friend I need to ditch. We have nothing in common anymore, at all, and the choices that she makes in her life and for her kids are downright harmful. Still within the letter of the law, but disfiguring, unhealthy, dangerous, and unethical. I don't need any drama or negativity, and that is all she has to offer, so I am calling it quits! Except, I don't know how to? We live close but only see each other every few months... Even if I try the ignore tactic, eventually I will have to say something to her, and I am not sure what/how to say it. Help!

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Old 03-19-2013, 09:22 PM   #2
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Re: How to walk away from a friendship?

I had this same situation happen to me a few months back and I decided to just be blunt about it. I wasn't cruel to her or anything, I simply said that I felt like our lives were in two different places and we didn't have much in common. She took it really hard, but honestly I would think that it would have gone even worse if I had sugar-coated it, lied to her, or just avoided her. It's hard to be that blunt when it's someone you have a history with, but I honestly believe it's the best way to handle it, personally.
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Old 03-19-2013, 09:46 PM   #3
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Re: How to walk away from a friendship?

disfiguring?

Do you think maybe if you are honest, she might make an effort to change a little?
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Old 03-19-2013, 09:47 PM   #4
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Re: How to walk away from a friendship?

I think I'd just avoid seeing her or talking to her. I wouldn't initiate any contact or calls or texts.
If it came down to her calling or whatnot, trying to set up some time to meet/get together, I'd make excuses.
Probably not the most straight-forward way, but I hate confrontation!
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Old 03-19-2013, 09:53 PM   #5
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I hooked up my need to ditch friend with my out of state ex. She went to visit him and is moving this summer we've broken up a couple times these past 7 years but she's like a rash that won't go away. My good friend and mil live with her now so its not like I can just ditch her esp since she's friended all my friends and 2 of my friends work with her. She's intertwined herself into my life so much. Getting her to move was the only way out.
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Old 03-20-2013, 08:15 AM   #6
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I would just always say I'm busy when they called, or the kids are sick, or I'm just leaving to run arrands. Usually they catch on, its worked pretty well for me. If not than maybe you will just have to be blunt, but I hate when it comes down to that. Could be good tho, if you tell her exactly why you don't want to be around her, she may look inward and deside she needs to do something about it. Not that you'll be friends after, but it may help her.
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Old 03-20-2013, 08:26 AM   #7
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Re: How to walk away from a friendship?

Quote:
Originally Posted by corinne76 View Post
disfiguring?

Do you think maybe if you are honest, she might make an effort to change a little?
Borderline munchausen by proxy, no chance of her changing. I don't want to do the avoid thing, because that still leaves her in my life/calling/etc. Which causes me more stress about what she is doing to her kids. If I thought I could effect change, or child welfare could, I would try everything in my power. I have come to realize I just need to walk away. Truth be told, I have only been hanging on this long in the hopes of helping her change. It just isn't going to happen.
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Old 03-20-2013, 08:41 AM   #8
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Green Decals

Borderline munchausen by proxy, no chance of her changing. I don't want to do the avoid thing, because that still leaves her in my life/calling/etc. Which causes me more stress about what she is doing to her kids. If I thought I could effect change, or child welfare could, I would try everything in my power. I have come to realize I just need to walk away. Truth be told, I have only been hanging on this long in the hopes of helping her change. It just isn't going to happen.
Oh wow! I had a friend like that, most likely not to the point you discribing. I did a lot of research about getting CPS involved, but since she didn't have a permanent residence they said there was little they could do. She ended up changing, not sure if someone talked to her or not, but things are doing a lot better. We're not really friends anymore, weren't to close to begin with, but I'm happy for her. I'm not really sure how you should approach this type of situation, but I hope you figure something out.
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Old 03-21-2013, 03:23 AM   #9
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Re: How to walk away from a friendship?

I would just not say anything and try avoidance tactics. I mean, most people get the message from that pretty fast. I have a similar friend. Honestly the only things we have in common are kids of similar ages. But our lives are so so different.
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