February/March Chat Thread

[WynneBabies]

Darn I missed it

[Mama2ManyBoyz]

Originally Posted by WynneBabies Darn I missed it

I"ll pm ya.

[FerventlyDreaming]

So I just had to share with someone who would understand. Although I love my family they don't really understand what we are going through.

Spider-Man has been with us since Friday and he is doing great. I know there is a honeymoon period but I am just happy to be enjoying him! He is a truly sweet child. There are some issues of course. Mainly talking about things like dead, killing, knives, blood etc. We have seen more defiance than before but less than I expected.

I am just amazed at how we are falling in love with him. We are struggling with our feelings though. Loving Spider-Man emphasizes the pain of losing Abigail. It is so hard to make it all make sense in our minds and heart. There are no words to explain how much we love and miss our baby girl. I think about what she would be doing everyday. How she would be growing and learning right now. It is hard not to get lost in those feelings. I will never believe that she died so we could have Spider-Man in our lives. I do however know just how blessed we are to have the chance to love this little boy!

[dalynn1997]

Originally Posted by mmbreb So I just had to share with someone who would understand. Although I love my family they don't really understand what we are going through. Spider-Man has been with us since Friday and he is doing great. I know there is a honeymoon period but I am just happy to be enjoying him! He is a truly sweet child. There are some issues of course. Mainly talking about things like dead, killing, knives, blood etc. We have seen more defiance than before but less than I expected. I am just amazed at how we are falling in love with him. We are struggling with our feelings though. Loving Spider-Man emphasizes the pain of losing Abigail. It is so hard to make it all make sense in our minds and heart. There are no words to explain how much we love and miss our baby girl. I think about what she would be doing everyday. How she would be growing and learning right now. It is hard not to get lost in those feelings. I will never believe that she died so we could have Spider-Man in our lives. I do however know just how blessed we are to have the chance to love this little boy!

It is so good that things are going well with Spider-Man. Praying that things continue to go good. I do not believe at all that you lost your daughter so you could end up with this little boy. But I do believe that God at times gives you a new child to love, a child that you can pour love into, a child to help you through the grief. I pray that as you fall in love with Spider-Man and him you that God will begin to mend both of your hearts.

You are also in the first year of grief for the loss of your child. The first year is the hardest and you must survive every holiday and special occasion. Every event brings raw emotion, memories and loss dreams. All this is part of the grief process, allow yourself to grieve and allow God to comfort you. You will never stop grieving the loss if your little girl but with time it will become less overwhelming and all consuming. I will continue to pray for peace and comfort for your family.

[newmommy13]

Originally Posted by mmbreb So I just had to share with someone who would understand. Although I love my family they don't really understand what we are going through. Spider-Man has been with us since Friday and he is doing great. I know there is a honeymoon period but I am just happy to be enjoying him! He is a truly sweet child. There are some issues of course. Mainly talking about things like dead, killing, knives, blood etc. We have seen more defiance than before but less than I expected. I am just amazed at how we are falling in love with him. We are struggling with our feelings though. Loving Spider-Man emphasizes the pain of losing Abigail. It is so hard to make it all make sense in our minds and heart. There are no words to explain how much we love and miss our baby girl. I think about what she would be doing everyday. How she would be growing and learning right now. It is hard not to get lost in those feelings. I will never believe that she died so we could have Spider-Man in our lives. I do however know just how blessed we are to have the chance to love this little boy!

Oh mama. I did not realize you lost your dd so recently. I have never lost a child but Dalynn's words are so wise. I'm glad you have Spider man and that he has you but i am so very sorry you have suffered your losses.

[FerventlyDreaming]

Originally Posted by dalynn1997 It is so good that things are going well with Spider-Man. Praying that things continue to go good. I do not believe at all that you lost your daughter so you could end up with this little boy. But I do believe that God at times gives you a new child to love, a child that you can pour love into, a child to help you through the grief. I pray that as you fall in love with Spider-Man and him you that God will begin to mend both of your hearts. You are also in the first year of grief for the loss of your child. The first year is the hardest and you must survive every holiday and special occasion. Every event brings raw emotion, memories and loss dreams. All this is part of the grief process, allow yourself to grieve and allow God to comfort you. You will never stop grieving the loss if your little girl but with time it will become less overwhelming and all consuming. I will continue to pray for peace and comfort for your family.

You are so right about the first year. After losing my first son the first year held the biggest emotional roller-coaster. I could never really say it is easier... maybe more predictable. Easter day has been great with this little boy but I spent a lot of time thinking about what I would be doing with Abby. I thought about white ruffled socks, pretty easter dressed and patent leather shoes. I imagine what it would be like to have her with me constantly. I so miss her presence.

However, Spider-Man said "I love you too" when I told him I loved him tonight for the first time and that is a moment I cherish.

Originally Posted by newmommy13 Oh mama. I did not realize you lost your dd so recently. I have never lost a child but Dalynn's words are so wise. I'm glad you have Spider man and that he has you but i am so very sorry you have suffered your losses.

Thank you. Losing Abby ignited my desire to do foster care. I had thought about it for years but with Abbys death and no ability to have another biological child now or possibly ever I knew I needed to poor my love and time into more children. I adore my son but he is so easy to care for he is not a challenge for me. I also knew he needed siblings to grow with and learn from.

Although my son does not particularly enjoy Little-Man he LOVES Spider-Man. Maybe more than Spider-Man love him I think this is the way with big brothers and little brothers. The little one can be an annoyance sometimes. They do play well together though and it warms my heart to see my son enjoying his new relationship with Spider-Man.

Saturday night I laid out all of our shoes (Minus Little man since he wont ware them so I leave them in the car for an as needed basis.) Looking at the four pairs of shoes of our family was heartwarming. It makes me sad to know Ben and Abby will forever be left out of such sweet moments in physical presence but never in our hearts. I took a picture of those shoes together to remember that moment by. I think it was one of those important moments where it his me. THIS is our family now!


(Sorry if I rambled a bit here I am pretty tired. I have been up since 6am)

[newmommy13]

Originally Posted by mmbreb You are so right about the first year. After losing my first son the first year held the biggest emotional roller-coaster. I could never really say it is easier... maybe more predictable. Easter day has been great with this little boy but I spent a lot of time thinking about what I would be doing with Abby. I thought about white ruffled socks, pretty easter dressed and patent leather shoes. I imagine what it would be like to have her with me constantly. I so miss her presence. However, Spider-Man said "I love you too" when I told him I loved him tonight for the first time and that is a moment I cherish. Thank you. Losing Abby ignited my desire to do foster care. I had thought about it for years but with Abbys death and no ability to have another biological child now or possibly ever I knew I needed to poor my love and time into more children. I adore my son but he is so easy to care for he is not a challenge for me. I also knew he needed siblings to grow with and learn from. Although my son does not particularly enjoy Little-Man he LOVES Spider-Man. Maybe more than Spider-Man love him I think this is the way with big brothers and little brothers. The little one can be an annoyance sometimes. They do play well together though and it warms my heart to see my son enjoying his new relationship with Spider-Man. Saturday night I laid out all of our shoes (Minus Little man since he wont ware them so I leave them in the car for an as needed basis.) Looking at the four pairs of shoes of our family was heartwarming. It makes me sad to know Ben and Abby will forever be left out of such sweet moments in physical presence but never in our hearts. I took a picture of those shoes together to remember that moment by. I think it was one of those important moments where it his me. THIS is our family now! (Sorry if I rambled a bit here I am pretty tired. I have been up since 6am)

thank you for sharing.

I had that peaceful happy contented feeling with our first dfd! That is a great feeling.

[FindingMercy]

Hugs mmbreb. I can't imagine what all you've been through. I love the shoe picture. So sweet.

I started a new thread reluctantly because I don't want to cut you off from sharing and from others responding to your recent posts!

[WynneBabies]

I think it's okay to think the way you are, mmbreb. Some foster parent friends I know had twin boys and lost one at birth. It's been very difficult for them, naturally, but adopting their daughter has given them meaning for their son's death. It wasn't in vain. They knew they wouldn't be doing foster care if their son hadn't died. I think that's a good mentality.

[FerventlyDreaming]

Originally Posted by newmommy13 thank you for sharing. I had that peaceful happy contented feeling with our first dfd! That is a great feeling.

Originally Posted by FindingMercy Hugs mmbreb. I can't imagine what all you've been through. I love the shoe picture. So sweet. I started a new thread reluctantly because I don't want to cut you off from sharing and from others responding to your recent posts!

Originally Posted by WynneBabies I think it's okay to think the way you are, mmbreb. Some foster parent friends I know had twin boys and lost one at birth. It's been very difficult for them, naturally, but adopting their daughter has given them meaning for their son's death. It wasn't in vain. They knew they wouldn't be doing foster care if their son hadn't died. I think that's a good mentality.

Thanks mamas. It is hard to explain how one can feel to have such excitement and heart break at the same time but sometimes that understanding ear is what is really needed! You ladies have helped me so much through this foster care journey!