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Old 04-01-2013, 09:34 AM   #11
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I would not but lieing in my house is completely not tolerated and holds major consequence. Lieing is part of Dr anxiety issues. At least it is for my Ds. They don't want the confrontation of the truth. In our house we reward him very big when he tells us hard things and have severe consequences when he lies.

I would not let her go and require she earn the money to pay you back. Then watch to really reward her for talking to you about difficult things.

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Old 04-01-2013, 11:39 AM   #12
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Re: Can I get advice re: teenager?

While I think the lying needs to be addressed and consequences need to happen. I don't think taking away the run is a fitting punishment for the crime.

Maybe instead of taking something away make her do something for you, such as one of the chores you do but don't like so much. She has to babysit (no compensation) so you can get a coffee and have a few minutes to yourself. Something along those lines.

My mom was a big one for taking away what you valued most to get you to behave the way she wanted regardless of whether it was a small or large infraction. She was extreme though. It basically resulted in more devious behavior so she wouldn't find out and a lack of attachment towards anything. One example was I wasn't allowed to have any of my birthday cake (I was 10 or 11)even leftovers because I hit my younger brother. After dinner all the rest of the family got a piece of my birthday cake. After everyone went to sleep, I snuck down to the kitchen and ate the rest. Also, after getting in trouble for hitting my brother (he told on me) and having my birthday cake taken away, I spent the rest of the day and the next day being mean to my brother for getting me in trouble.

While I do believe that taking something away can be an effective consequence, I think the punishment should fit the crime as best as it can.
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Old 04-01-2013, 12:22 PM   #13
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Quote:
Originally Posted by cbreeding
While I think the lying needs to be addressed and consequences need to happen. I don't think taking away the run is a fitting punishment for the crime.

Maybe instead of taking something away make her do something for you, such as one of the chores you do but don't like so much. She has to babysit (no compensation) so you can get a coffee and have a few minutes to yourself. Something along those lines.

My mom was a big one for taking away what you valued most to get you to behave the way she wanted regardless of whether it was a small or large infraction. She was extreme though. It basically resulted in more devious behavior so she wouldn't find out and a lack of attachment towards anything. One example was I wasn't allowed to have any of my birthday cake (I was 10 or 11)even leftovers because I hit my younger brother. After dinner all the rest of the family got a piece of my birthday cake. After everyone went to sleep, I snuck down to the kitchen and ate the rest. Also, after getting in trouble for hitting my brother (he told on me) and having my birthday cake taken away, I spent the rest of the day and the next day being mean to my brother for getting me in trouble.

While I do believe that taking something away can be an effective consequence, I think the punishment should fit the crime as best as it can.
I would normally agree but op says this is the third time if such offense. To me extreme consequence should happen. Taking away what she highly values is showing enough is enough . Just my opinion. Had this been first offense I agree totally but obviously extra chores and a milder consequence isn't sticking,
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Old 04-01-2013, 01:33 PM   #14
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I am one of 4 sisters. When we were teens the consequence of breaking rules was always manual labor Take advantage of her misdeed for spring cleaning services.
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Old 04-01-2013, 03:55 PM   #15
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I would let her go to the color run unless the lie was directly related to it.

Manual labor is a great punishment. Something tedious and time consuming is wonderful!
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Old 04-01-2013, 04:05 PM   #16
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Oh I'm not the only one with this issue. My dad lied to me & bfs I had. I don't like it. I'm trying to find a way to get my kid to stop. Stealing too. I hate lying. Birthday secrets ok but rest no.
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