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Old 04-30-2013, 02:05 PM   #11
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Re: No support from DH

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I think sometimes husbands see formula as a "solution" (i.e., breastfeeding is tough, baby needs food, formula fixes both problems). Maybe you can explain to him why formula isn't the answer, and let him know that you aren't looking for him to "solve" the problem, you just need him to listen and be supportive. I'm sure he just wants to help, so let him know specifically how he can be most helpful.
I feel like my dh and I always have fights about him trying to solve my problems when all I want is for him to listen. Just be up front with him and say that giving formula as a solution is not helpful. It takes time to figure out a bfing relationship.

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Old 04-30-2013, 02:24 PM   #12
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I feel like my dh and I always have fights about him trying to solve my problems when all I want is for him to listen. Just be up front with him and say that giving formula as a solution is not helpful. It takes time to figure out a bfing relationship.
This is actually a pretty common "gender difference". We want a sympathetic ear, they want to give a solution. Sometimes I'll preface things by saying "I'm totally whining but..." or something similar to cue DH I'm not looking for a solution, just venting.
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Old 04-30-2013, 07:33 PM   #13
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Yep! Men are fixers. He's just trying to fix your problem. I'd gently let him know what to say next time.
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Old 04-30-2013, 09:34 PM   #14
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Re: No support from DH

Acknowledge his concern with wanting to help "fix" the solution, but also tell him that breastfeeding is so important to you so suggesting formula as the solution isn't helping rather it would be a great help if you researched ways to increase milk supply or if you would make dinner so I can just concentrate on nursing the baby, etc.

My DH wanted to help so much when we had our first, but he just didn't know what to do so often did nothing. I was so frustrated but I finally just had to straight out tell him what I needed from him. It made the world of difference.
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Old 04-30-2013, 09:34 PM   #15
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Re: No support from DH

Acknowledge his concern with wanting to help "fix" the solution, but also tell him that breastfeeding is so important to you so suggesting formula as the solution isn't helping rather it would be a great help if you researched ways to increase milk supply or if you would make dinner so I can just concentrate on nursing the baby, etc.

My DH wanted to help so much when we had our first, but he just didn't know what to do so often did nothing. I was so frustrated but I finally just had to straight out tell him what I needed from him. It made the world of difference.
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Old 05-05-2013, 10:55 PM   #16
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Re: No support from DH

I will start by saying DH is supper supportive of breastfeeding so I can't relate there but would suggest that you explain to him your reasons for it being so important to you and how his comments make you feel. Also explain to him the benefits of breastfeeding. Our now 3 month old DD2 got RSV when she wasn't quite 2 weeks old and our midwife who helped us through the virus (amazing woman) said if I hadn't been nursing she would have for sure needed to be hospitalised. DS did end up in the hosptal for 3 days due to low oxygen so we saw how serious it can be even in a toddler. This virus does kill infants and so both my husband and I feel so good about the breastfeeding helping our baby and blessed that baby got through it with no major issues.
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Old 05-05-2013, 11:05 PM   #17
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Quote:
Originally Posted by mibarra
. He probably says that out of concern because he thinks it would be easier for you.
This. It probably is his idea of support. I also think men feel kind of helpless about bfing. They can't do it for you, they aren't sure what makes it work or not work and standing by and watching you suffer makes them want to go out and shoot a buffalo or something. Giving him something concrete to do, serve you water, rub your feet, maintain absolute silence in the house... Whatever. That will help - and get him out from under foot too.
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Old 05-06-2013, 12:20 AM   #18
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Re: No support from DH

I would just tell him nicely that his comments are not helping you. Let him know how important the breastfeeding relationship is to you. I got lucky and DH comes from a whole family that feels very strongly about breastfeeding. I am working and pumping and have told him if he has to he can supplement with formula, he is against it very strongly. Luckily so far I have been able to make enough and freeze some.
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