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Old 05-25-2013, 10:19 PM   #381
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Re: Second Wives Club

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Originally Posted by drunkenmonkeysmommy1 View Post
How do you suppose I do this while basically being a single mother for months at a time and still take proper care of my children though?
I am with the youngest all day. I work with my oldest everyday after school for up to three hours a night on homework. At night I do my sewing to help bring in money. And I am babysitting for extra money.
And putting us further in debt at this time is not an option. Especially since I would most likely not use any degree I earned until the kids are put of school anyways.
For US, it makes more since to go back to school when the kids are older.
I think it is wonderful that you can provide if needed. Even a little jealous in some aspects. But what works for you does not always work for everyone.
Well, I personally did most of my school work while the kids were sleeping.

I stopped knitting for sale when I went back to school. But, by that point I had figured out that selling my knitting was really only making enough to fuel my personal knitting. I also babysat a friend's children part time while I was in school. I stooped when my courses had to be taken in class. But when I was doing nonlinear coursework, babysitting didn't interfere.

Well, if you won't use it, then I abssolutely wouldn't add to debt to get a degree.

My way won't work for everyone. But there are lots of other ways to go about ensuring that you could be financially independent if you needed to be. Just as one example, I don't make a good entrepreneur. I have tried it. Not my thing. I lost a bundle learning that lesson. But, some people are.

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Old 05-25-2013, 10:22 PM   #382
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Re: Second Wives Club

Degrees aren't a guarantee of anything but debt.
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Old 05-25-2013, 10:24 PM   #383
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Re: Second Wives Club

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Not everyone wants to go into debt for a degree.

We have NO debt. I dont ever plan on having any. Any money we save will go towards college for my kids. I have 2 starting college in the next 2-3 years and will pay for it in full. We will never have debt ever again. For us debt is a finacial disaster and not something we want in our lives.

And it just isnt that easy for most. Plus there are those that plain just dont want to. I have no desire to go to school now or in 20 years when my kids are raised and I am 53 years old. I think I'm gonna join a raquetball league and a knitting group. Work is not on the table. If I had to for some unforseen circumstance (barring my disability getting in the way) I could easily get a job as an office controller/payroll/tax prep. But furthering myself education wise to make my self marketable or "stronger" just isnt something I need or want to do.
Well, if you are marketable in your field, then nothing I have said would apply.
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Old 05-25-2013, 10:28 PM   #384
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Re: Second Wives Club

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Thank you! I CAN NOT volunteer my DH's job requires someone (who ends up being me) to be available for childcare 24/7 365 because he doesn't know when he will have to run out the door. I CAN'T say "sorry hun you can't go work overtime today because I'm lunching" lol. BUT if you can send me this magical free childcare for my 5 children, 2 with exceptional needs - then I would LOVE to work on my "just incase I decide to call it quits I better keep the back door open because maybe one day DH will be a douche or I'll get bored plan".

People keep bringing up what happens if DH dies or looses his job... we have savings, we have disability insurance, we have life insurance - if he decides to up and leave one day - I have insurance for that too - It's CALLED ALIMONY!
Now I'm on page 20 and see how far this has come but still need to say: WORD........see you on page 38
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Old 05-25-2013, 10:31 PM   #385
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I hope I did not come off as that I implied the opposite. I apologize if I did.
No, not that, I just didn't want it to come off too "woe is me".
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Old 05-25-2013, 11:11 PM   #386
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Re: Second Wives Club

Ok, I finished...........I don't even know what to say except for what I regularly say is but for the grace of god (or whoever you believe in) go I. Just because something worked for you, doesn't mean it will work for someone else...........super if you managed to raise young children while going to school, doesn't mean that works for others.....or is even possible, get over yourself.

I'm recently separated.......for 2 months. I had a great career, same as my husband......both of us making 90k or more a year........wonderful lifestyle. I suffered a brain injury at work and had to retire...I'm staying home with our girls at his encouragement.......he leaves me. Thank god I still have some medical pensions but other then that.....I'm screwed. My husband bailed, I have a brain injury, no education and no career..........2 young kids to look after. Not everything is black and white and people need to stop being such a-holes.
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Old 05-25-2013, 11:32 PM   #387
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Re: Second Wives Club

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Well, I personally did most of my school work while the kids were sleeping.

I stopped knitting for sale when I went back to school. But, by that point I had figured out that selling my knitting was really only making enough to fuel my personal knitting. I also babysat a friend's children part time while I was in school. I stooped when my courses had to be taken in class. But when I was doing nonlinear coursework, babysitting didn't interfere.

Well, if you won't use it, then I abssolutely wouldn't add to debt to get a degree.

My way won't work for everyone. But there are lots of other ways to go about ensuring that you could be financially independent if you needed to be. Just as one example, I don't make a good entrepreneur. I have tried it. Not my thing. I lost a bundle learning that lesson. But, some people are.
Exactly. Why did you then try and convince us with so many posts that it would?

I do agree with your basic premise that a woman should be independent financially. I just don't think it is always that easy to do. Every country I have lived in prior to America there was a social structure that made it easier for women to be in the workforce (admittedly it depended on your economical class in some of those - so I'm talking middle class here).

In England, they had training courses to get people back to work that included free day care for mothers who attended these courses. While I was living there I got free software courses (word, excel etc.) I also got an incredibly expensive course for free that launched my career. There were many mothers getting back to work who took that course with me.

In South Africa and Thailand domestic help and nannies are inexpensive enough so that we would have been able to afford one on my husband's salary (the former is a bit more expensive now than when I was growing up so the same problems are emerging there now for mothers struggling to get back to work).

So, I see this as just the way the US works. It does not want to spend a lot of money on getting their people educated and back to work. It tries to shove as much responsibility on individuals. So, when a mother is out of luck at the end of a divorce, they'd rather have the husband pay alimony than have structures in place to have that woman get back to, or stay in the workforce.
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Old 05-25-2013, 11:55 PM   #388
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Re: Second Wives Club

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Degrees aren't a guarantee of anything but debt.
lol that is so sad and so kind of true. I got my B.S. to get a job, but my job is barely paying the debt, and I can't move up without a graduate degree... so I have to quit the job that is paying for my old degree, in order to take out loans for a new degree, that will hopefully let me get a better job so I can pay back my debt. Seems like a ponzi scheme...
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Old 05-26-2013, 12:01 AM   #389
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lol that is so sad and so kind of true. I got my B.S. to get a job, but my job is barely paying the debt, and I can't move up without a graduate degree... so I have to quit the job that is paying for my old degree, in order to take out loans for a new degree, that will hopefully let me get a better job so I can pay back my debt. Seems like a ponzi scheme...
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Old 05-26-2013, 12:07 AM   #390
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Re: Second Wives Club

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Originally Posted by z2akids View Post
Well, I personally did most of my school work while the kids were sleeping.

I stopped knitting for sale when I went back to school. But, by that point I had figured out that selling my knitting was really only making enough to fuel my personal knitting. I also babysat a friend's children part time while I was in school. I stooped when my courses had to be taken in class. But when I was doing nonlinear coursework, babysitting didn't interfere.

Well, if you won't use it, then I abssolutely wouldn't add to debt to get a degree.

My way won't work for everyone. But there are lots of other ways to go about ensuring that you could be financially independent if you needed to be. Just as one example, I don't make a good entrepreneur. I have tried it. Not my thing. I lost a bundle learning that lesson. But, some people are.
It is now 1 am where I am. My youngest is still not in bed. My older ones will be up in another 5 1/2 hours. I do need at least some sleep.
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