View Poll Results: At what age would you be ok with leaving a kid @ grandparents for summer (no visits)?
2+ 0 0%
3+ 0 0%
4+ 3 2.91%
5+ 23 22.33%
Won't leave that long 69 66.99%
Other 11 10.68%
Multiple Choice Poll. Voters: 103. You may not vote on this poll

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Old 07-09-2013, 10:36 PM   #61
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Re: At what age?

I'm sorry. I don't mean any disrespect or offense to ANYONE. But no way would my hubby/ my children's father/ ANYONE make me send my child that far away for that length of time if I was not 100% comfortable w it. I am their mother & I would fight tooth & nail to avoid something like that.


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Old 07-09-2013, 11:30 PM   #62
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Originally Posted by momtojande
Wow, no way! 2 months for a 3.5 year old -- that's a huge chunk of time. 2 months out of every year means that other people are raising the kid for a really significant amount of their lives. If everyone concerned is fine with that, then fine. But I wouldn't be. And you shouldn't be pressured into it if it feels wrong.

I could see 2 weeks for a 3.5 year old. Maybe a month for a 10 year old.
Exactly what I wanted to say!
I have a 3.5yo DD, both dh's and my family are in Europe and I can't imagine DD spending so much time so far away from me!
Besides - hoping that nothing bad happens - if something happens, it would kill me not to be able to join her quickly, YKWIM?

In "French culture", you would send your 5-6 yo to grandparents for one or two weeks, and that would be in the same country (or neighboring country). Not a 3.5 yo overseas.
I can imagine she would not be happy w/o her mom. She NEEDS her mom and that cannot be compensated by culture or language she would get.
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Old 07-10-2013, 12:53 AM   #63
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Re: At what age?

Holy cow. 2 months away??? Never ever. If my husband tried to "put his foot down" on something like this (especially with a 3.5 yr old) and wouldn't listen to my maternal instincts (read: my HUGE problem with it), that would absolutely be a deal breaker for the continuation of our marriage. OP, what about you accompanying your child to visit MIL for the summer every other year or something?
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Old 07-10-2013, 05:46 AM   #64
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No WAY! My in laws live in Korea. No way could my kiddos (2 & 4) sit and manage to behave themselves during an almost 24 hour travel time including layovers & flight time. I would be going with. When they are in middle/high school if they wan to try, they may. But not this early. Not to mention, I wound up w/giardia my first time there & lost 10 lbs and could barely fly home I had to get shots for two days before I could an I was SO weak... I could not imagine my 4 year old going through that kind of illness without me!
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Old 07-10-2013, 05:46 AM   #65
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All the grandparents are very close by, so moot point. If they were farther away, I would be comfortable with a few days or maybe a week visit, but heck no to a few months. My daughter is 5 though, anything younger would be a no go.

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Old 07-10-2013, 06:02 AM   #66
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Re: At what age?

I spent entire summers away from my mom starting at age 7, and many weeks from age 6, and I think it was okay, as it was my maternal grandmother or my father who was taking over. I think when custody arrangements and overseas distances play a role in a child's life, then you have to get used to quite long separations from the primary parent. I did miss my mom a lot when I was 6 and with my granny, and it was several weeks--perhaps too long. A week or two would have been fine. But when I was with my dad then it was fine, I missed my mom but was so happy to be with my dad.

Then again I was VERY independent and mature as an elementary school aged girl. I loved having some freedoms and felt so so proud at handling myself like a grown up when I was traveling 5000 miles on my own, etc.

I think that anything over 6 starts to be reasonable for a matter of weeks, or even 2 months if the person that will be taking over is the other parent, for example, or MAYBE the grandparents if there is an extremely close relationship with the grandparents and you feel they really can handle anything and everything that comes up, just as you would want it to be handled.

Preferrably you could go along with your child! I hate being apart from my kids for more than 2 weeks at a time but have to deal with it because of the way my time with them is split with their father/my ex.

In an ideal world I would not be separated from my children for two months at a time until they are teenagers, though. Even if I thought it would be alright, I'd still miss them too much and try to figure out a way to incorporate the plans so that I would go along with them for at least part of it.
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Old 07-10-2013, 08:12 AM   #67
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Re: At what age?

My parents live in town, so this would never be a reality for us, but I could see myself being comfortable around 10-12, depending on maturity. Maybe a little sooner.

I believe in "it takes a village" so I don't see something like that as missing part of their childhood or letting someone else raise my kid, but I also don't have any problems with my parents parenting style. After all, they raised me and I'm alright.

OP, I don't know how old the child in question is....forgive me that I only scanned this thread (EEK, I just saw she was only 3.5!), but in the case of sending her for culture/language immersion, etc, and not just sending her to have a summer off, then whatever age you think she'd be comfortable going on her own is the age you should send her. In this case, at 3.5 she isn't able to understand what's happening yet.
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Old 07-10-2013, 09:07 AM   #68
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Re: At what age?

I'm in the never group. In part because I barely trust the grandparents to babysit them short term for a few hours or a single overnight. On DH's side it's just his dad and he has NO patience. Dh's mom raised him primarily on her own as his dad worked a lot so he really doesn't have the "experience" in child rearing. On my side I have my mom and well frankly she was emotionally and verbally abusive to my sister and I growing up. We had an incident of this between her and my oldest a few years back and we didn't speak to her for nearly a year afterwards. She's a little bit better now but I still wouldn't leave my kids with her long term and I'm not a huge fan of using her for short term gigs either. I'd rather hire the teenager at church. yeah, really. I also have my dad and step-mom, they live in FL and we're in MI. I think that they would take great care of my children BUT we have hugely different religious beliefs and values and so while I would probably do a week or two with them having the kids nothing longer.

As someone else mentioned too I can't imagine missing out on that huge amount of my children's lives.
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