Reply Hey Mom! Learn more about the Gerber Life Insurance Grow-Up Plan!
 
Thread Tools Display Modes
Old 07-20-2013, 12:41 AM   #1
~KittyKat~'s Avatar
~KittyKat~
Registered Users
seller
seller
 
Join Date: Sep 2012
Posts: 944
My Mood:
To pump or not to pump...

At 10 days old we discovered my DS has a cleft palate. Until then I was trying to nurse him (unsuccessfully of course) and since then I have pumped exclusively. I was able to make it through the first month without having to supplement but then had to start with 2 oz a day. It slowly moved up to 4 oz a day and now that we found a bottle that he can get the milk from better, it's up to 8-12 oz a day. He's still been getting about 20 oz of breastmilk from me though. He turned 3 months old today. At this point even though I have had to supplement I feel like it has been a good success overall. But it has required a great deal of help from DH and my older step daughters and the other day DH came to me telling me he feels it would be best to stop because pumping has consumed my life and its affecting the whole family. I do see his point, I hate that he does more feedings than me and that I am not able to spend as much time with my DD because I have to pump. But at the same time I feel incredibly guilty every time I think about stopping. I am a huge advocate for breastfeeding and I know all the benefits and I don't want to take that away from our son. I feel like a few more months until he has his palate repair and we can try to nurse won't kill anyone and its doing the best thing for him, but DH feels like I need to focus on everyone's needs, not just the new baby. So now I feel like I am getting a proverbial eye roll every time I say I need to pump and have dropped down to 5 times a day so as to try not to make waves. I know 3 months is a great gift given my family's circumstances and needs and caring for an infant with special needs. I keep going back and forth on this one. What DH says makes sense but I still feel the need to do it anyways. I just feel like I have lost his support.

So what would you do?

Advertisement

~KittyKat~ is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 07-20-2013, 12:50 AM   #2
Mommy2en7b's Avatar
Mommy2en7b
Registered Users
seller
 
Join Date: May 2013
Location: Copperas Cove, Tx
Posts: 81
Re: To pump or not to pump...

Do what feels right to you. Just remember that it doesn't mean you love your little one any less if you decide not to pump anymore. Women choose not to bf for all kinds of different reasons, a special needs baby who can't nurse alone is a very big reason. You have done an amazing job to get this far! But the rest of your family is important as well- it sounds like you're missing out on a lot w your DH, older children, & experiencing your new one because you're always too busy pumping. Best of luck mama (hugs).
Mommy2en7b is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 07-20-2013, 01:16 AM   #3
~KittyKat~'s Avatar
~KittyKat~
Registered Users
seller
seller
 
Join Date: Sep 2012
Posts: 944
My Mood:
See that's the problem, both ways make sense. Stopping doesn't feel right to me at all, I get this satisfaction from knowing that he is getting nourishment from me and he honestly gobbles down the breast milk but tolerates the formula. But at the same time this whole issue is kinda creating a void in my marriage right now. He has been supportive the entire time but I think he's just had enough. I can understand his frustration but it doesn't make it any easier to accept losing his support. I feel like I am choosing between my husband and our 3 month old son. I don't think it's worth losing our family over but I do wish he would be more supportive for at least a few more months. If I keep going then the void between us not agreeing on this continues, if I stop then I will feel guilty and regret it forever I am sure. It matters so much to me that I am afraid I will resent DH for making me stop. We have always had a great relationship and are usually on the same page. This is the first MAJOR disagreement we have had and I hate that it's such an important thing to me that is causing such problems in our household.
~KittyKat~ is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 07-20-2013, 01:42 AM   #4
Sarah-B's Avatar
Sarah-B
Registered Users
seller
seller
 
Join Date: Mar 2012
Posts: 3,705
What if you compromise and drop it down to 3 pumping sessions per day for now until the baby's surgery. Tell him you will do this until he has healed from the surgery and then try nursing. If that works then great and if it doesn't then just keep doing the 3 pumping sessions per day if it is working for your family.

Maybe of you start feeding your son his bottles more your DH will be less resentful? I think it is also super important that you tell him this is how you feel -the guilt and all that. You should come up with a good analogy - I can't think of a good one right now.... Like maybe this one will work

Say your son (hypothetically) couldn't chew solid foods well and needed things blended in a blender like a smoothie for him to digest it easily. You could give him solids but his tummy wasn't as happy. So since it takes you extra time to get the get the smoothie ready your DH is saying just feed him the solids because it is quicker and easier for you and the family but not easier for DS.

Your DS is in need right now & he is the most helpless member of your family so that is I am sure another reason why you feel you need to give him the liquid gold.

Do you have a dual breast pump? And how long does it take for you to pump 1 time? I am trying to think of things to save you time...

Good luck mama and hugs

Maybe this will help you?
http://images.search.yahoo.com/image...b=awDB/vPlSPH&
Sarah-B is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 07-20-2013, 01:44 AM   #5
Sarah-B's Avatar
Sarah-B
Registered Users
seller
seller
 
Join Date: Mar 2012
Posts: 3,705
Oh and maybe you two could have a meeting with a lactation consultant so the lc can tell him more about the benefits if breast milk and all that good stuff?

I am not sure how old your dd is but maybe you can have her come near you when you are pumping and sing songs with her or play I spy or something then you are pumping & still spending time with dd.

There has to be a compromise that will work. Hopefully something me or someone else suggests will help you. I feel so sad for your heart mama

Last edited by Sarah-B; 07-20-2013 at 01:46 AM.
Sarah-B is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 07-20-2013, 02:02 AM   #6
BeccaSueCongdon's Avatar
BeccaSueCongdon
Registered Users
seller
seller
 
Join Date: May 2012
Posts: 3,621
You can also calculate the additional cost of exclusively using formula. From what you said, going to all formula will at least triple what you currently spend. And it's common for exclusively formula fed babies to have difficulty with digestive issues and issues tolerating specific formula. It may help the discussion to factor in those aspects as well.
BeccaSueCongdon is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 07-20-2013, 04:27 AM   #7
mayliz's Avatar
mayliz
Registered Users
seller
 
Join Date: Aug 2012
Posts: 927
My Mood:
I'm so sorry you feel alone. I think this is a very special circumstance and your baby requires your love & attention in addition to your milk. If it were me, I'd continue pumping until the surgery and then see what happens, but with other children needing care, as well, I can understand your husband's frustration.

Is there anyone else who can come over and help with the other children? Have you tried a hands-free bra or could that help your situation? What kind of pump are you using, and how long does it take to pump each side? How much milk are you getting each time? Because of your baby's needs, could you rent a hospital-grade pump for 2-3 months until the surgery and hasten the pumping sessions? Just wondering if insurance covers it.

Here's my other thought---once the baby is healed from surgery he will need to learn how to breastfeed properly and that might require time & patience on both you & your husband's side. Is your husband going to be upset because of the extra time you're dedicating to your LO? I would hope not.

Husbands get upset, couples have major arguments all of the time. As long as the rest of your relationship is fine, I'd consider this a bump in the road. If eye-rolling is the worst of it, I'd personally let him know it's not cool, you're doing your best to support everyone, and then take it one day at a time, one pumping session at a time.
mayliz is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 07-20-2013, 09:51 PM   #8
~KittyKat~'s Avatar
~KittyKat~
Registered Users
seller
seller
 
Join Date: Sep 2012
Posts: 944
My Mood:
Well to give a little update, the 5 pumps a day actually doesn't seem to be killing my supply as of yet, at least not in a huge amount. I have really been trying to just go with the flow more and though I am not going to go like 8 hrs without pumping, I am not simply ending our outings because "omg it's been 4 hrs since I pumped and I need to get home right now." Today the whole family went to the beach and it was 5 1/2 hrs between pumping sessions and even though it was on my mind I didn't allow it to rush our day of fun and when we got home I simply asked him to watch the baby for a few minutes while I pumped and he had no issue (considering DS was sleeping). Instead of waking up first thing and making him feed DS while I pumped, I let him sleep in a few extra minutes while I fed DS his bottle and then laid him down between us and pumped in our bedroom. When DS started getting too fussy, that's when I woke DH up to ask him to grab him for me. That gave him an extra 45 mins of sleep and he appreciated it. Same went for the after dinner feeding, I fed DS and then just asked him to keep an eye on him while I pumped. I think the combination of not rushing home and going with the flow more mixed with me taking on more feedings has really helped him to calm down. Could I possibly wind up making less milk? Yes. But at least we are past 12 weeks now so my supply is pretty well established at where it is going to stay. I pump for about 30 mins at each session giving plenty of time for 2-3 let downs and then I hand express a bit till nothing else comes out to really empty my breasts. Today DS had 10 oz of formula and 18 oz of breast milk and my stash in the fridge is slightly higher than it was at this time yesterday so I am still producing about the same amount for the time being.


Thank you ladies for encouraging me to talk to him and not just fold. I think just the small changes I have made in the last few days have really helped DH to see that his opinions and feelings do matter and that I am willing to compromise and its helped him to calm down about the whole situation. Hopefully I can still continue to produce at or almost the same amount as I was before but even if I wind up with only 8-10 oz of breastmilk a day to feed him it is still better than nothing at all. I hope that doesn't happen, but at least I am finding a way to create harmony in my home again and not feel like I am burdening the whole family by wanting to provide the best for our son.
~KittyKat~ is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 07-21-2013, 11:15 AM   #9
Sarah-B's Avatar
Sarah-B
Registered Users
seller
seller
 
Join Date: Mar 2012
Posts: 3,705
Quote:
Originally Posted by ~KittyKat~
Well to give a little update, the 5 pumps a day actually doesn't seem to be killing my supply as of yet, at least not in a huge amount. I have really been trying to just go with the flow more and though I am not going to go like 8 hrs without pumping, I am not simply ending our outings because "omg it's been 4 hrs since I pumped and I need to get home right now." Today the whole family went to the beach and it was 5 1/2 hrs between pumping sessions and even though it was on my mind I didn't allow it to rush our day of fun and when we got home I simply asked him to watch the baby for a few minutes while I pumped and he had no issue (considering DS was sleeping). Instead of waking up first thing and making him feed DS while I pumped, I let him sleep in a few extra minutes while I fed DS his bottle and then laid him down between us and pumped in our bedroom. When DS started getting too fussy, that's when I woke DH up to ask him to grab him for me. That gave him an extra 45 mins of sleep and he appreciated it. Same went for the after dinner feeding, I fed DS and then just asked him to keep an eye on him while I pumped. I think the combination of not rushing home and going with the flow more mixed with me taking on more feedings has really helped him to calm down. Could I possibly wind up making less milk? Yes. But at least we are past 12 weeks now so my supply is pretty well established at where it is going to stay. I pump for about 30 mins at each session giving plenty of time for 2-3 let downs and then I hand express a bit till nothing else comes out to really empty my breasts. Today DS had 10 oz of formula and 18 oz of breast milk and my stash in the fridge is slightly higher than it was at this time yesterday so I am still producing about the same amount for the time being.

Thank you ladies for encouraging me to talk to him and not just fold. I think just the small changes I have made in the last few days have really helped DH to see that his opinions and feelings do matter and that I am willing to compromise and its helped him to calm down about the whole situation. Hopefully I can still continue to produce at or almost the same amount as I was before but even if I wind up with only 8-10 oz of breastmilk a day to feed him it is still better than nothing at all. I hope that doesn't happen, but at least I am finding a way to create harmony in my home again and not feel like I am burdening the whole family by wanting to provide the best for our son.
This is great news! I am so glad that he is going along with it. And I am glad you are still getting lots of ounces of the liquid gold.
Sarah-B is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 07-25-2013, 08:19 AM   #10
mayliz's Avatar
mayliz
Registered Users
seller
 
Join Date: Aug 2012
Posts: 927
My Mood:
Great update. 18oz is wonderful. Good job. Maybe all your hubby needs is a little rest.
mayliz is offline   Reply With Quote
Reply

Thread Tools
Display Modes

Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off

Forum Jump

Copyright 2005 - 2014 Escalate Media. All Rights Reserved.