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Old 11-06-2013, 06:49 PM   #1
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My VBA2C thread

I'll just keep updating here as I work towards my VBA2C.

11/5
Today I met my new OB. She didn't so much as flinch at my desire to labor after 2 csections. I was starting to feel like a leper. None of the other doctors I talked to would touch me, but she was totally comfortable with taking me on and said there's no reason to assume I'm not capable of a fantastic vaginal birth. Here's hoping!

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Old 11-06-2013, 06:50 PM   #2
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Re: My VBA2C thread

That's great news!
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Old 11-06-2013, 08:45 PM   #3
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Re: My VBA2C thread

That is awesome I look forward to your progress!
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Old 11-07-2013, 02:20 AM   #4
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Re: My VBA2C thread

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Originally Posted by Mama*Kim View Post
I'll just keep updating here as I work towards my VBA2C.

11/5
Today I met my new OB. She didn't so much as flinch at my desire to labor after 2 csections. I was starting to feel like a leper. None of the other doctors I talked to would touch me, but she was totally comfortable with taking me on and said there's no reason to assume I'm not capable of a fantastic vaginal birth. Here's hoping!
Yay! That is exactly what I found for my first VBA2C. She was so positive! It really makes a difference. I have now had 3 VBA2C and am due any time to have my 4th! You can do it, mama!
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Old 11-09-2013, 03:19 PM   #5
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11/9
I just sent DH a very long email. Although we have a great relationship, sometimes we struggle with "big talks". I tend to have a hard time getting out what I need to say, and he tends to shut down before he hears everything. He means well, but he needs time to process big conversations. Sometimes I get out a small chunk of what I want to say, he shuts down and I never go back and finish the conversation. I thought getting it out in writing might be more successful. It will give me a chance to get out everything I need to say, and make him able to process it in whatever chunks he needs.

Here's what I sent him
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Sometimes I suck at verbalizing my feelings, and sometimes you suck at hearing me. I know this is cheesy, but I'm hoping I can compose my thoughts better in writing and maybe you'll be able to absorb them better through reading.

If there's any chance of this VBAC being successful, I need more support from you during labor than I've had in the past. I really didn't know how much I needed it before, and didn't know what to ask for or how to ask for it. I thought I would just know how to labor and you would just know how to support me. Labor is hard. Its painful and exhausting, both mentally and physically. I can't do it alone. I can't do it stuck in a bed with no support.

In early labor, I need you to help me relax, help me get the boys situated with Laura or my mom, take me out for a long walk and keep me moving, rub my back, and tell me I'm doing a good job. Sitting in the same room just watching TV isn't supportive. Encourage me to sit on the yoga ball. The position and bouncing is great for getting the baby in a good position and helping him/her come down. Remind me that I don't want to go to the hospital so early again this time. I don't have to go until my contractions get stronger. Encourage me to take a nap; I'll need the rest.

Learn what's important to me about labor and help me stick with it. During labor, I get tunnel vision. I get distracted by the contractions and start to forget what I wanted in the first place. Epidurals are proven to slow labor down and I'm a slow laborer already. I want to hold off on the epidural as long as possible, if I even have one at all. I definitely don't want one the first time I ask. It's the pain talking. Changing positions, lower back massages, and sitting in a tub can help alleviate pain. I'd rather exhaust all those options before going to meds of any kind. I don't want my water broken artificially unless labor actually stalls. To me, that means going 2 or more hours with no progress. I want to spend as little time as possible in a hospital bed.

Be there. Be in the moment. Hold my hand. Rub my feet. Massage my back. Keep extra people out of the room. My mom and dad can pop in for a visit, but I don't want anyone hanging out. Keep me distracted between contractions. We can watch a funny movie, play stupid card games, whatever. Otherwise, I just sit there anticipating the next contraction, and that doesn't help anything. Be my birth partner, not just a spectator.

When I hit 10cm and its "time to push", I don't want to be told to push until my body feels like its ready. I'll tell you when that is, you can tell the nurses. Sometimes there's a delay between being fully dilated and being ready to push; that's ok. If I feel like pushing longer or shorter than the nurse's count of ten, that's ok too. If I need to take a break, that's ok. If I need to change positions, that's ok.

Advocate for me. Be my voice to the nurses. Know my wishes, support them, and help me achieve them. I need you in my corner. It's not a fight, but the nurses have their expectations that may not fall in line with my body and wishes.

Do some research of your own. Get an idea of what to expect from the partner's side. If you have any input or concerns, share them with me before I'm in labor. Are you worried about anything in particular? Is there anything you need before I go into labor that can help you be a better support for me? We need to go into this together and on the same page.

I love you.
With both of my other labors, he pretty much just sat in a chair, watched TV, and played with his phone. He presented the impression (whether he meant to or not) that I was in labor and he didn't need to do anything. I don't know if he knew how much I needed him, and I didn't know how to make him help in the moment. He has sucked as a labor support in the past and I need more from him. FWIW, this letter is written very much in my voice. The language is typical for our conversations.

Here's hoping he receives this well and takes it to heart.
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Old 11-09-2013, 04:21 PM   #6
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Mama*Kim
11/9
I just sent DH a very long email. Although we have a great relationship, sometimes we struggle with "big talks". I tend to have a hard time getting out what I need to say, and he tends to shut down before he hears everything. He means well, but he needs time to process big conversations. Sometimes I get out a small chunk of what I want to say, he shuts down and I never go back and finish the conversation. I thought getting it out in writing might be more successful. It will give me a chance to get out everything I need to say, and make him able to process it in whatever chunks he needs.

Here's what I sent him

With both of my other labors, he pretty much just sat in a chair, watched TV, and played with his phone. He presented the impression (whether he meant to or not) that I was in labor and he didn't need to do anything. I don't know if he knew how much I needed him, and I didn't know how to make him help in the moment. He has sucked as a labor support in the past and I need more from him. FWIW, this letter is written very much in my voice. The language is typical for our conversations.

Here's hoping he receives this well and takes it to heart.
Wow, my DH gets very whooozy so he is in the waiting room. My sisters and mom are with me. I may send them this letter though so they know how to support me better this time around.
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Old 11-10-2013, 11:38 AM   #7
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Re: My VBA2C thread

Great! We're in the same DDC and I have the same goal. We can do it!
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Old 11-10-2013, 12:04 PM   #8
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Have you thought about hiring a doula? My DH is not very good labour support either (he gets whoozy easily as well and has to be asked to do everything - with DS2 I had horrid back labour and had to ask every contraction for him to put on counter pressure which made me very mad and unable to focus as much)

I am also planning on a VBA2C whenever we get pregnant again and we have both decided the we both need the support of a doula and that it will increase my chances of success by both having that extra support.
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Old 11-12-2013, 04:04 PM   #9
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Re: My VBA2C thread

Best wishes. I've had a successful VBAC, and in labour my DH didn't do all much (sat in a chair, watching some TV) -- however when it came to pushing he was a lot more hands on (getting me water to drink and a cold clothes for my forehead) and even caught our baby (I had no idea he would do this) and cut the cord.
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Old 02-03-2014, 11:31 PM   #10
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Just wanted to update.

I had my 28 week OB appt today. My OB was in a delivery, but I spoke with her nurse for a while. This nurse and OB have been working together for quite some time, so I'm pretty comfortable talking with the nurse on the OB's behalf. I was mostly looking for some confirmation that this hospital really is VBAC friendly, not just VBAC tolerant. I asked about things like constant monitoring. She said she can't answer officially, but that clearly being upright and moving freely are very I conducive to a successful VBAC. If her feeling is in line with the OB and the hospital, that's a huge step up from my last birth. Last time, I might as well have been handcuffed to the bed. I wasn't allowed to move or someone would run in and adjust the monitors.
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