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Old 07-05-2014, 08:30 AM   #21
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Re: How Sleep Deprivation Ruined My Life

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Oh dear, that sounds dreadful!

I was getting a bit crazy from the sleep deprivation just lately; both babies up multiple times per night, I was sleeping in 30"-1hr stretches. DP pulled the trigger & took one of the girls out of our room. Put her in her own crib in her room. It was tough getting her to fall asleep (DP did the deed, putting paci back in & giving her a pat every few minutes for about a 1/2hr until she fell asleep), but once it did...magic! I got 3 hrs straight sleep! Last two nights, it's been 5-6hrs straight, plus some more broken sleep early in the morning.

I kinda think each baby is different...my first was an awesome sleeper & has always slept better by herself. With the twins, cosleeping was necessary for my sanity. But I think L has outgrown it. I think we were waking her & she for sure was waking us & her sister. Her sister frequently wakes once for a feeding & prefers to be near. I'm okay with that, as long as it works for us all. And sleep does beget sleep. Now that both girls are truly sleeping 10 hrs at night, their naps are way, way better. For me, all my babies have to be really full at bedtime, though. That, at 6+mos, means some cereal in the evening, then a 7pm feeding, a short evening sleep, then a dream feed around 10. And I know it's not empirically true, but I find my babies that get formula before bed sleep better & longer
Good for you on finally getting some rest! You're lucky to have the loving help of DP. My DH is on leave from work this week, so he tried to help last Sunday night only DH is SUCH A HEAVY sleeper he doesn't even hear DD when she wakes. Even when he is lying on the edge of the bed, with one arm in the cosleeper cot, he will be snoring the whole time-ughh! I kept nudging him awake to pat and comfort DD, but I finally just told him to go to bed and took over. I appreciate him trying at least.

We have always coslept but have moved each child out of our bed at different times, depending on their needs. Some are ready sooner, some need longer but I know making the change can really do wonders if you LO is ready.

I have often wondered about the correlation between breastfeeding and nightwaking. We are the only breastfeeding pair at our play group (every mom formula feeds no matter the age of the baby) and they are ALL good sleepers except for DD, so it does make me wonder. Last time we went to play group, I came home in tears and told DH I thought I was ready to wean, but then a lot of what we read online says there is no link. I guess it is a case by case basis, depending on the baby.

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Old 07-05-2014, 05:19 PM   #22
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Re: How Sleep Deprivation Ruined My Life

Oh my! That sounds horrendous!

I had no idea how debilitating sleep deprivation could be until I had dd1. She wasn't a bad sleeper by any notion, but I'd just never gone 2mos with interrupted sleep before.

I remember begging DH, when dd1 was about 5 weeks old, to just let me sleep for 5 hours consecutively. I felt like a new person with just that.

Recently (kids are 5, and 10) I had gone through a stressful year and realized I was only sleeping 5ish hours a night because I was just trying to get everything done. I started to feel that part of my not coping well was sleep deprivation. I became much more rational and happy when I got rid of volunteer jobs and got more slsep.
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Old 07-05-2014, 05:26 PM   #23
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Re: How Sleep Deprivation Ruined My Life

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.

I have often wondered about the correlation between breastfeeding and nightwaking. We are the only breastfeeding pair at our play group (every mom formula feeds no matter the age of the baby) and they are ALL good sleepers except for DD, so it does make me wonder. Last time we went to play group, I came home in tears and told DH I thought I was ready to wean, but then a lot of what we read online says there is no link. I guess it is a case by case basis, depending on the baby.
I think that the connection might be that a bottle fed baby (not necessarily formula) can take in more food more easily. I know that my kids could bf for ages, seem to be totally full, and if I put a bottle in front of them they'd still take another oz.

If you look at growth charts for formula fed vs bf babies they grow faster initially with the formula. I'm sure there is a general connection with size and ability to sleep longer.

Some kids are better sleepers though, and sometimes we are better parents and tune in better. I am 100% certain, after having dd2, that many many of my problems getting dd1 to sleep were my misreading her cues. I was feeding when she was tired (but I thought she was hungry) and then had an overtired baby. I was way more clued in the second time around because I wasn't stressing about the bf itself and could pay attention to our daily routine better.
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Old 07-06-2014, 02:19 PM   #24
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Re: How Sleep Deprivation Ruined My Life

I don't care what any "study" says in this regard - every breastfed baby I've known wakes more often & for longer than formula fed & bottlefed babies I know.

And like isabelsmummy says - how much they can take in IS part of it. The average breastfed baby (according to prefeeed & post feed weigh ins) halts the volume they take in around 1 month to 6 months - because growth spurts at that point trigger you to make milk that is fattier & higher in calories, but the volume does not change significantly...yet even pumping moms tend to increase the ounces per feed they are feeding a bottlefed baby. even I did this with my 1st because I assumed he needed more ounces while I was at work, so I kept pressuring myself to be able to make more ounces, not understanding that the fat layer that was thickening on top when it settled out WAS the increase I was supposed to be seeing. I had NO idea at that time that I was supposed to be seeing a plateau in output & that is normal.

ANYWAY - add to that the fact that formula itself takes about twice as long to digest as breastmilk & I can't see how you could ever suggest either empirically or scientifically, that it wouldn't equate to *most* babies sleeping longer when formula fed. When a nursing baby is taking in only a few ounces to get the same nutrition of what formula has in 8 oz and that 8 oz is taking on average 4 hrs to break down versus 2 hrs & of course you have a recipe for more frequent wakings & night feeds. it would only stand to reason you would.

And reasoning aside, I have seen it way too much to believe otherwise. I've never known a breastfed baby that was sleeping more than a few hours at a time on their own without some serious effort from mom (and dad) anywhere this side of a year. I am NOT saying some don't do it, I am saying it is more typical to have them want to feed every 2+3 hrs. Likewise most formula fed babies I know easily spaced out to every 4 hrs on their own for wakings...not all of course, but most.

Although there have been times it makes me jealous, I tend to try to remind myself that I do like working within what is "natural & normal" - so I assume having human infants wake frequent for feeds all night is natural & normal when nursing...so I try to take solace that this is "supposed to" be how human infants grow & develop & there must be some biological or physical advantage to them in that...whether I know what that might be or not.

I even read a study a few years back that showed the "advantage" to small kids eating their boogers & what it does to help their immune system identify & fight the bacterias they have inhales (because those bacteria can't survive the digestive tract) so it is a benign way of introducing those pathogens that invade through mucous membranes...BLECH. Point is, I don't have to like it OR understand it in order for their to be some advantage to it biologically. LOL
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Old 08-07-2014, 03:49 PM   #25
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Re: How Sleep Deprivation Ruined My Life

New momma here. My first is now 2 months. No advice for sure but a huge thank you to all of you being so open and honest. It's an encouraging thread to read for those like me just starting the journey.
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Old 08-18-2014, 05:51 AM   #26
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Re: How Sleep Deprivation Ruined My Life

It's a temperament thing. I have had plenty of formula feeding friends with babies who don't sleep. I have exclusively nursed mine. Had one who never slept, two babies who slept through the night (8-11 hours) with zero training from me from week 4ish. The fourth baby at eight months still wakes 1-2 a night and goes to bed too late.
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Old 08-18-2014, 08:57 AM   #27
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Re: How Sleep Deprivation Ruined My Life

Sleep deprivation is a mess. There are a few things I wish I'd known about with my first child. Mostly by way of medicines so I won't go into any more detail! LOL But we made it through.
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Old 08-21-2014, 02:45 AM   #28
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Re: How Sleep Deprivation Ruined My Life

***UPDATE

Several weeks since I first posted. Three things:

1. DD likes to have her hands covered at night. It helps her self-soothe and also keeps her from scratching in her face and tummy in her sleep, which were part of her sleep disruptions. We use ScratchMeNots mittens, bodysuit, and gown. http://www.scratchmenot.com/ They are spendy but well worth it in our case and if you subscribe by email they will notify you of monthly flash sales.

2. In addition to the fan blowing for "white noise" our situation has greatly improved with lullaby CD's. WOW wish I had tried this sooner! When DD stirs and does not need to nurse but is having trouble settling herself, I just turn on the CD and it has the same effect as patting her back to sleep would, only I can lay my head on my pillow while she listens to soothing music instead of losing the circulation in my arm reaching into the cosleeper to pat her back. Just make sure you find some CD's that you can live with, since they will be the soundtrack for your night as well. I like Vol. I-III of this series (if you don't mind Christian music) http://www.amazon.com/exec/obidos/AS.../chrisficti-20

I have to say the lullabies were a real deal-breaker when it came to family camping. We go every year but I was SO dreading it this summer and nearly canceled our trip based on sleep deprivation alone in addition to the overwhelming prospect of getting through the night in a tent but we had made reservations with some friends of ours, so I didn't want to let them down (although I DID maKe sure to warn them nights might be long). Thankfully, it wasn't too bad, and some of our "neighbors" in a nearby site even stopped by one morning to thank us for lulling them to sleep with our lullabies


3. I am learning to practice Self-Compassion, new to me, that has made dealing with the physical and emotional aspects of long term sleep deprivation less destructive. While it does not reverse the symptoms it does help me cope. Today I left my designer diaper bag (including my silk baby sling and wallet) in a shopping cart in the parking lot cart return; just plain forgot them there. Picked up DD, put her in her carseat, and drove away without even noticing the absence of my diaper bag. They were not turned in; I will most likely never see any of those items again. Aside from the credit card mess, which we have sorted out, the loss of my precious sling is immense since it holds great sentimental value to me; I honestly don't think I could have dealt with this a month ago! But tonight I am OK in spite of it, and I think it is in great part to this concept of Self-compassion. I had never heard of Self-Compassion before, but I finally went in to talk to my (former) nutritionist about the weight gain (which BTW, she said was not something I should be worrying about because I am still in the range of "healthy"). She calls it taking a "Self-Compassion Break" http://www.mindfulnutritionseattle.c...-why-it-works/ The biggest aspect for me is to let go of self-judgement. So instead of saying to myself "I used to run 10+ miles but I can barely make it 2 miles, [I]I am such a LOSER", I can say "I used to run 10+ miles, now I can barely make it 2 miles....."only I am learning to change the second half of that statement by infusing my thoughts with self kindness and putting the situation in the greater context of common humanity rather than isolating myself further with negative self talk. The self compassion mantra would be something like this: This is a moment of suffering. Suffering is a part of life. May I be kind to myself in this moment. May I give myself the compassion I need” only in your own words at the moment that you need it the most. The other thing the nutritionist pointed out to me is that my sleep deprived state is temporary ; the same way other life phases are temporary (such as pregnancy, college exams, marathon training, etc.). I still feel overwhelmed and upset much of the time but it helps to be reminded that someday I will feel more like "myself" again and to have some good mental tools for taking on the task of daily living in the meantime, even when I leave precious belongings in a parking lot shopping cart.

Last edited by tinymama; 08-21-2014 at 03:39 AM.
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Old 08-21-2014, 02:49 AM   #29
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Re: How Sleep Deprivation Ruined My Life




"Another simple way to practice self-compassion is to put your hand on your heart, as suggested by Chris Germer, PhD in our recent interview on self-compassion. A kind physical gesture, such as placing one or both hands on your heart, softly stroking your face, or gently hugging yourself, has been shown in research to release oxytocin, a soothing, comforting hormone. And contrary to popular belief, self-compassion has been shown to be a more effective motivator for self-care and practicing healthy behaviors than self-criticism.

Neff says the motivation behind self-criticism is fear; the motivation behind self-compassion is love. At the risk of sounding cheesy, I say choose love every time." http://www.mindfulnutritionseattle.c...ng-body-image/
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Old 01-03-2015, 11:26 PM   #30
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Re: How Sleep Deprivation Ruined My Life

***UPDATE

DD will be 2-years old this month. Still not sleeping through the night, however we are finally getting to the root of the sleep disruption. Turns out there is commonly a connection between these four things:

1.Premature birth
2. Speech delays/apraxia of speech
3. Poor ability to process light, sound, touch (i.e sensory issues, SPD, etc.)
4. Poor sleep such as difficulty falling asleep, interrupted sleep patterns, sleep apnea and so on...


All of which we are experiencing with DD. She has been in speech therapy twice a week for the last two months for her speech delay (oral motor delay) with a wonderful speech therapist who mentioned she may be "sensory-seeking" with her chewing, drooling, and love of crunchy foods. So in researching sensory issues online I came across the info about the connection with sleep and speech.

We got her a weighted blanket for Christmas. Wow, what a difference in how soundly she can sleep now! Not completely through the night, not even close, but she is resting deeply now for up to *2 hours* with the weighted blanket, while before we were only getting a very restless 45 minutes max. This is encouraging to me as that little bit of actual rest goes a long ways for both of us. She still stirs but the blanket seems to help her settle enough that she does not constantly wake up.

If you aren't familiar with weighted blankets the way they work is summed up here:
"The deep pressure from the weight causes the body to produce serotonin and endorphins, which are the chemicals our bodies naturally use to feel relaxed or calm. In combination with the darkness that occurs during the nighttime hours, the pineal gland converts serotonin to melatonin, our natural sleep-inducing hormone. Animals and humans alike tend to feel a sense of security when swaddled, so having a weighted blanket wrapped around the body eases the mind, allowing for complete relaxation." (mosaicweightedblankets.com) More on the HOW of weighted blankets here http://www.weightedblanket.net/weigh...kets_work.html


I was VERY hesitant to try the weighted blanket because they are SUPER $$$. Actually we tried a more affordable weighted wrap first. Our adorable SSsammy Snake who is not only cozy and heavy but helps with the "s" sound for speech. He is long and can be wrapped around a child's shoulders (DD's whole body at 2yrs old) and can be helpful for calming during story time just before bed or even on long car rides. Any weighted therapy tool is recommended to be about 10% of child's weight, so DD's SSsammy is 2.5lbs
(purchased on etsy from SweeterDreamsandMore)


Once we saw how naturally our DD responded to the weighted wrap snake, and how calming it is for her, we took the plunge and bought the weighted blanket. The best value we found was on ebay from a new seller, who submitted a reasonable counter-offer to my best offer http://www.ebay.com/itm/Custom-Sewn-...item43d3f09358. Besides the price, I liked the minky fabric and neutral solid colors (we chose brown to go with DD's pink and brown bedding). Many of the weighted blankets are brightly colored or cotton only but our NoNods blanket is lush and lovely in every way! You can see how the pellets are contained in the quilted squares so there is no hazard of choking. And it is washable, unlike the blankets made with corn or rice (which become moldy when wet-avoid those!).

[IMG][/IMG]
[IMG][/IMG]


So if you are feeling the sleep deprivation because your child has been a long-term poor sleeper, always restless, and clearly unable to calm themselves consider that there may be a sensory struggle involved. Some books I have found helpful are Raising a Sensory Smart Child and The Out-of-Sync Child Has Fun as well as countless resources on the web. Or for more specific books related to DD's speech issues I like Speaking of Apraxia, which also includes minor mention of sleep difficulties.


Aside from the weighted blanket, these are also good sleep tools for our sensory seeking DD:
**sleeves with flipover mitts (to cover her hands) from ScratchMeNOt http://www.scratchmenot.com/scratchm...mitten-sleeve/
subscribe for flash sales...we have the sleeve, body, and sleeping bag, all wonderful but if you can only get one go with the sleeves
***hat that ties under the chin to keep her hair out of her face during the night from HannaAndersson
http://www.hannaandersson.com/pdp.as...simg=21022_56O
**buckwheat moon/crescent-shaped nursing pillow to curve around DD's body for further sense of "being held/cradled" (got mine while pregnant at 60% off from boutique going out of business)
http://stores.blessednest.com/organi...-kaleidoscope/

**mentioned this before but a fan or noise machine for "white noise" is essential. make sure you have a battery operated one for power outages or trips away from home.


Last edited by tinymama; 01-03-2015 at 11:59 PM.
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