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Old 09-18-2007, 08:17 PM   #11
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Re: I was thinking of a home birth

My hubby didn't agree with a home birth . . we did 2 hosp, 2 clinic and finally the last one I told him I was doing a home birth he was very uncomfy about it. But, the whold pregnancy I ws constantly online searching for home /natural birth stories & he'd happen to read a couple . . . got his interest peaked. I kept teasing him that the midwife wouldn't make it in time & he'd have to assist . . . . the looks on his face were so funny! Well, that's what happened!! And he now thinks that was THE BEST thing EVER!!

It is YOUR body that is giving birth. Wether he likes it or not, he doesn't have much say in the matter. Don't cause strife over the situation, but who's gonna regret not doing it your way more? you or him? Maybe your midwives have some videos you can watch together . . . . .

Most guys are terrified of unknown situations where they don't know what to expect or what to do!

My 3rd & 5th births were totally clean. Only time the blood happened was when the placenta delivered and my last one was in an almost empty tub. Peroxide cleans up blood pretty well!

Don't give up on what your heart wants to do!!

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Old 09-18-2007, 08:25 PM   #12
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Re: I was thinking of a home birth

-sigh-
im convinced, hes not. Thats the entire problem. I wouldnt mind a hosp birth if hed participate. i just think its important.
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Old 09-18-2007, 08:30 PM   #13
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Re: I was thinking of a home birth

I agree with the previous poster that you should definitely meet with a mw with hubby in tow. A lot of times that's all it takes to get them on board willingly. But really, giving birth is about you and your child. I know we all need to compromise a certain amount for marital harmony, but birth is a big deal and your opinion/comfort matter most in the matter. If he's mostly just concerned about seeing "too much" I'm sure you and the mw can come up with a plan to keep him at a comfortable level of involvement.

And home birth isn't messy, it just isn't so sterile and cold like a hospital. We made up the bed with plastic sheets when I went into labor and the mws followed me around with chux pads afterward. The only casualty we had was DH's shirt when the kid decided to have his first bowel movement in daddy's arms

Good luck, I hope you and your DH can come to a decision that you're both excited about.
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Old 09-19-2007, 10:02 AM   #14
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Re: I was thinking of a home birth

Some of my thought processes in talking to dh:

First with ds, dh didn't even want to be in the room at the hospital. I told him that if he wasn't present for the birth (on purpose) I wouldn't put his name on the bc. Period. I knew that it would automatically get put on since we are married, but he didn't. Dh does not like anything to do with "monthlies" "girl stuff" etc, but I made him understand how important it was to me on this ONE day that he be there for me. My dad also talked to him a little and told him how beautiful the whole thing really is. So in our delivery room, we had my dad, my mom, and his mom. Dh was front and center, head almost in the way of the doctor.

With dd, I finally talked him into a bc. He knew how much I hated our hospital experience. I laid it to him this way "its only one day to you. One moment that you may or may not think was gross afterwards. You can forget one moment. But to me, this is the pinnacle of my womanhood. I am going to remember this for the rest of my life. Its sooo important to me to have this birth a certain way (God willing), I need this." Safety and such was an issue too and I presented my research to him lovingly. He conceded. He gave me what I wanted and needed. Awesome.
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Old 09-19-2007, 01:46 PM   #15
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Re: I was thinking of a home birth

Honestly, you deserve to have a homebirth and th reasons he's given shouldn't affect that at all. He's not 'required' to be any more or any less involved at home than he is at the hospital. He doesn't have to see or touch any more than he would at the hospital. But seriously, what's he going to do? leave the room at the hospital when the baby's crowning and come back after they've bathed her? There's no less 'ick' on the baby when it comes out in the hospital as there is at home!

As far as the mess and 'stuff' being at home instead of the hospital - with a good midwife, you'll never know the difference. They clean as they go and do tend to be a lot tidier and neater than doctors and nurses in a hospital (they don't need to be, it can be dealt with after the birth). The midwives are more interested in taking care of YOU. That's why they will keep things neat and clean as they go - so that they don't have a big mess to deal with at the end when you need them post partum. If your baby is born on your bed, your bed will be ready and set up as a 'birth bed' (matress, sheets, sheet of plastic, more sheets). When the birth is done, they will take off the top set of sheets and plastic and leave you with a clean fresh bed.

Hydrogen peroxide will get blood stains off just about anything (anything that wasn't covered in plastic or a chux pad ), and washing blood out of linens and towels and what not is no harder than washing poopy diapers.

I agree - his involvement IS important. I don't know how you could help him to understand what it is he's missing. But he IS missing it, and it's not something that he can go back and do again because he missed out. You say this is his first baby? You never, know.. he may surprise you. My hubby tends to be pretty easily grossed out by such things, but he's always right there in it when it comes to birthing our children. He's even considering catching this baby (if I can let him).
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Old 09-19-2007, 03:56 PM   #16
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Re: I was thinking of a home birth

I just had a thought about him being sooo worried about the mess & gross stuff . . . what did he do about the 'gross stuff' when baby was made?!? Did he really care that you had to deal with the 'mess' after?! It would be a different 'issue' if he was concerned about a high risk pregnancy or high cost, but to witness blood & mess??? He's just covering up fear of not being in control & an unknown situation!! Esp if he's been raised with certain 'ideas' of labor. My hubby has 8 kids (5 were mine), and he freaked out as much with child # 8 as he did with #1!! Y ou'd think he'd a been an old pro by that time!! LOL!
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