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Old 10-10-2007, 02:37 AM   #21
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Re: i need help what do you ladies do?

Redirection/distraction/removing him from the situation worked really well for my son when he was that age. They don't really understand much else.

Time outs didn't work for my son - they made him even more wound up and less likely to listen to me after it was over.


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Old 10-10-2007, 04:48 AM   #22
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Re: i need help what do you ladies do?

I tell them what they CAN do, not what they cannot do. I think I heard once that if you tell a kid "don't play with the stove", they are going to hear "PLAY WITH THE STOVE".

I do not babyproof my house. I let my kids explore. I tell them what is safe and what is not. If they are into something they shouldn't be, I simply tell them what they can play with instead. I also EXPECT that they are going to open up cabinets and get into things, so I give them one that is "safe" for them.

He needs to satisfy his curiosity in a healthy way. Spanking never worked with my kids nearly as effectively as the OH SO SERIOUS VOICE! I can stop my kids in their tracks with a simply change in VOICE TONE. You have to be consistent with it though or it will become a game.
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Old 10-10-2007, 03:12 PM   #23
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Re: i need help what do you ladies do?

A couple other ideas, based on teaching experience and working with emotionally disturbed kids:

-consistant rules, consistant consequences: have 5 or so main rules, and if they break one, the same thing ALWAYS HAPPENS. you run out into the street, you have to hold my hand/ride int he stroller now - you hit your sister, you go to time out and have to apologize, etc

-schedule/routine - if a kid knows what is coming, he is more likely to go along with requests - give him warning that in 3 minutes, you will be doing the next thing. then one minute. etc. Helps with transitions.

-verbal or visual "cues" - this is like shushing your kid with your hand to your mouth - use a "clean up song" when its time to clean up, a specific naptime blanket or lovey. Sometimes all the talking gets to be too much for some kids.
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Old 10-10-2007, 06:49 PM   #24
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Re: i need help what do you ladies do?

Originally Posted by mommy2abigail View Post
See, the thing is, it WONT 'work', as in stopping the behavior. What he is doing is NORMAL toddler behavior. It is HEALTHY toddler behavior. You just have to make it safe for him to continue to explore his environment. I wonder why you came here asking for advice, and got some really great tips, and you say it wont work? Are you looking for advice, empathy, or justification for what you are currently doing? They are three different things. My dh is out of town alot too, so I totally understand the 'single mama' feeling, though I wont presume to say I have it as hard as a true single mama. ( to all who are single!! I can't imagine HOW you do it!)

well i really didnt come looking for any of the three you have listed i really come to get some opinions. and some things that work with different mamas. and i also know what the single mama things is like since DH was not apart of DS or my life for the first maybe 4 months after i has DS. we then got back together after words so this isnt the first time i have been left as a single mama. but thanks for your advice
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Old 10-10-2007, 07:14 PM   #25
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Re: i need help what do you ladies do?

IN some ways toddler boys are like puppies, they are full of energy from wake up to fall asleep, and they get into mischeif. The best advice is wear him out. I'm not kidding, if he is busy doing things he is allowed to do he won't be doing things you don't want him to do. And if you keep him active he will sleep better. The more time you can keep him outside in a safe place (a fenced backyard or a child safe park) the better. Also good would be to have a room in your house that is totally babyproof if that is an option. Wether it be a play room, the living room, or his nursery/bedroom. Just somewhere where you don't have to tell him no all of the time. Some where where he is safe to explore appropriately and you can interact with him positively. HE needs to get that exploring done, it is how he learns, and it will keep him happier in the long run. You say he knows not to touch things, but toddlers just don't work that way. He may know you have said no before, but he doesnt' really know that that carries over to today. He may not even remember you saying no.

I know how frustrating that can be, Tharen is 22 months and he is a human typhoon. He is into everything every moment of the day. I beleive that the best way to handle it is to baby proof as much as we can live with, and then leave a few things to work on boundaries with. Having two dogs and his brother in the house gives us lots of chances to work on not hitting and not taking things. Toddlers don't understand that they are hurting when they hit, they don't understand that other people have feelings. I say this as some one who has worked with many many toddlers in a child care setting. All toddlers hit at one time or another. Some (particularly active boys) hit more than others. Sometimes when they are very young they just hit to see what happens, like dropping a toy off of the high chair tray, other times they do it because they lack the words to communicate their needs and they get frustrated. If you think he is hitting just to see what happens, or to get attention, the best you can do is get on his level, take his hands in yours and say very firmly but lovingly "hands are for touching not for hitting" then ignore him and play with your niece. The next time he hits take your niece to the side and talk to her about it. Fuss over the child that was hurt, and ignore the aggressor. It will teach him that the result of his hitting is that he is ignored and his cousin gets more attention. HE would rather be on the recieving end of your attentions. In most cases that will nip most experiment hitting in the bud pretty fast. Now if he is hitting out of frustration that can be a bit tougher. You want to try to give him words to express his feelings. Say things like "I see that you are upset that dn has the toy you want. shall we ask her nicely to share?" It may not help immediately, but over the long run him seeing that his words have some effect on the world, and your helping him label his needs and feelings will help. IF he keeps hitting out of frustration you may need to institute a time out spot. Or if the kids seem to be fighting over particular toys you can take those toys away before your niece comes over, or put favorite toys in their own time out if he isnt' sharing. Also try coming up with fun things the kids can do together that doesn't cause them to have to compete over toys or you. Art projects like finger painting in the back yard can be fun even for young toddlers. Gardening is exhausting and fun, so is cooking together.

Any way don't know if any of this will help but I wanted to give you some ideas. Toddlers can be very trying, but they bring alot of joy too. Sometimes you just have to do whatever it is that makes your life with them easier. Leave the "teaching them to respect the word no" till he is old enough to really learn it, and babyproof everything so you aren't so tired and frustrated at the end of the day. If you really want leave out some things that he can't hurt him self with or break and when he touches them tell him no these are mommies and redirect. He can start to learn that way with out you feeling like you are constantly jumping to stop him from hurting himself or breaking everything. And if it gets to hard put them up for a while. And definately pick your battles. That is soooo important at every age.
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