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Old 10-11-2007, 01:29 PM   #1
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How much do you think a baby remembers in his or her first days?

My son was sick when he was born-he had respiratory issues that resulted in him being on a ventilator and he couldn't be held-we could barely even touch him for about 6-7 days. Anyhow he's totally healthy and happy now but I seriously think all the time about how he had to go through such a hard time in the beginning and I feel like I need to make up for it somehow. Does this make sense to anyone? I also feel guilty because I was miserable towards the end of my pregnancy and had baby lust something fierce and I feel like I somehow sped him along and he wasn't ready to be born yet.

here's a pic of my little love

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Old 10-11-2007, 01:51 PM   #2
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Re: How much do you think a baby remembers in his or her first days?

I do think that babies are affected by what they experience, even early on in life. My dd was supposed to be born naturally, in a birthing center, ect. It turned into a 5 day hospital stay with drugs and formula and incubator-like beds for her where I couldn't hold her for long. It was horrid and I'm sure it affected not only her, but me as well. It took me a long long time (and I'm still struggling) to get over the guilt. I had to realize that although it didn't go as planned, I did the best with what I knew. Now I know better and if anything like that happens again, I will choose differently. I also think that the everyday mothering you are doing WAYYYYY outweighs the first few days of life. It is hard though, to get over it....
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Old 10-11-2007, 01:56 PM   #3
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Re: How much do you think a baby remembers in his or her first days?

Awww, he's wonderful! I think it is mama nature to feel guilt. The thing is, you have nothing to feel guilty about. Being excited and anxious to meet your LO didn't make him be born too soon, yk?

Honestly, I doubt he will be negativly impacted by those first days that he was sick. You are bonded with him and giving him all the love and attention he needs now! What a wonderful mother you are.

I can't remember a darn thing from before I was 2 or 3 yrs old. I think what matters is that a baby feel loved and secure, which I'm sure yours does!
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Old 10-11-2007, 02:01 PM   #4
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Re: How much do you think a baby remembers in his or her first days?

I hope the way I care for him does outweigh his start and I guess there isn't much I can do about it now but I feel so bad sometimes. Like today he was napping and out of nowhere starts crying really hard and I wonder if he remembers those NICU days...
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Old 10-11-2007, 03:12 PM   #5
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Re: How much do you think a baby remembers in his or her first days?

My birth with dd was traumatic, and I felt very guilty about it and kept trying to figure out what I could have done differently. When she was a baby, and would fall asleep in my arms, I used to cry and tell her how sorry I was. It helped me deal with it all. I also did traumatic birth counseling, which helped, too.

In all honestly, I think it is probably harder on us mamas than it ends up being on our babes. I will say one good thing that came out of it all was that I felt no guilt about ignoring everything else - housework, chores,etc. - to just be with my baby.

I didn't get to even see her the first 24 hours of her life, and that still makes me horribly sad. But I have spent almost every minute since with her, and she definitely knows how loved she is. (She's 2 1/2 now, and a very sweet, cuddly, happy girl.)

I think it's important to mourn the fact that you weren't able to have the birth experience you wanted and to deal with those emotions. There's a great article entitled, " You Should Be Grateful" that a mother wrote after having a cesarean section that was traumatic for her.
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Old 10-11-2007, 03:20 PM   #6
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Re: How much do you think a baby remembers in his or her first days?

thanks for the link- for me my birth was super easy which was actually part of the problem -he didn't get all the fluid out of his lungs- which also makes me feel bad-once again I really wanted him to hurry up and get here-
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Old 10-11-2007, 03:37 PM   #7
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Re: How much do you think a baby remembers in his or her first days?

Let me start by saying, what a little cutie you have there! Can I come over and just eat up his little cheekies?!?!

I do believe that if children do not have distinct memories, the early days do still affect them. That said, he obviously has a mommy who loves him and takes wonderful care of him--and that tender, loving care will cancel out the negative experiences.

My son had an awful, traumatic hospital visit at 9 months old--but to look at him, you would not know it. He is just the happiest little guy you ever could see.
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Old 10-11-2007, 04:01 PM   #8
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Re: How much do you think a baby remembers in his or her first days?

Aww, I feel that way about my DS too... We opted to admit him to go ahead and let all the specialists see him instead of taking him home and then taking him in for individual appointments. Its probably the biggest regret of my life - I just didn't realize how important those first weeks are, especially when it comes to nursing.
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Old 10-11-2007, 04:11 PM   #9
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Re: How much do you think a baby remembers in his or her first days?

He knows you love him now so even if he does remember the rude entry, I doubt he cares.

(that's from a mama with two medical-issue babies)
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