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Old 10-29-2007, 08:59 PM   #1
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stepson picky eater and lying

first, a little background info...

i am 20 years old, living with Josh, my fiance and and our 7 week old dd. @osh has a 7 year old son (Mike) from a previous relationship who lives with Josh's parents because Mike's mother is a no-show.

Anyway, Mike is very shy around me, for what reason I dont know. i try my hardest to be nice and accepting to him, trat him no different as i would my own. Now, he stays over here every once in a while by himself. other times his grandparents stay along too.

today, it was just me, him and dd when josh was at work. throughout the day i kept offering him food but this kid is so picky he wont even try a bologna sandwich even though he's never had it before. then i asked him if he ate a lunchavle and he told me yes and that he wasnt hungry. the minute his dad walks in from work, mike whispers to him that he is starving and didnt eat anything all day.

i dont know what the hell to do! what am i doing wrong? aslo, whatever i cook for dinner, he doesnt want to eat. i try to make kid friendly foods like spagetti or chicken and rice ( the same stuff he's eating at his house) and he lies and cries saying that he doesnt want to eat it. so we end up having to give him something entirely different. i am very tempted to just tell him to cut the crap and either eat what i cook or dont eat at all.

please help

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Old 10-29-2007, 09:11 PM   #2
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Re: stepson picky eater and lying

Here is my

In my house (4 boys and I also do daycare) you eat what is served or you go hungry. Plain and simple.

You don't eat, you wait for the next meal/snack. I do not make different meals for anyone. I think once you start doing that, it is a hard habit to break.

Oh, forgot to mention, most kids will come around in less than a week
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Old 10-30-2007, 09:50 AM   #3
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Re: stepson picky eater and lying

I put food in front of them, if they don't eat they go hungry. I always make sure there is one thing that I know for sure they like in the meal. Even if it's only bread and butter.
As for the whispering to Dad when he gets in. He's using the divide and conquer technique, driving a wedge between you and getting you two to take sides and maybe argue about him. Talk with Dh when the kid is not their about how you are going to handle the non eating, then make the plan and stick to it. You have to show a united front so that he falls in line.
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Old 10-30-2007, 10:05 AM   #4
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Re: stepson picky eater and lying

I understand your frustration. I have a stepdaughter that can be a bit difficult to manage sometimes because her mom paints me out to be the evil stepmom from h*ll. He's testing you to see what he can/can't get away with. You have to show a united front and not waver from visit to visit. be consistent. I didn't live with The Hubby before we got married only afterwards and let me tell you, this child pretended that she couldn't even open the bathroom faucet by herself to make her daddy do it for her. You'd serve her food and she'd eat maybe three (no joke here) grains of rice and say she's full but then want to take a snack. Your stepson has to understand that you're in his life to stay (am not sure if you guys plan to move him in with you in the future) and need for him to learn to respect and love you.

Also, try to not be the one that disciplines him (at least at first until you have a rapport with him), let daddy be the one that punishes him if the situation calls for it. It'll just make you out to be more of the bad guy if you're the one that's yelling at him (in his mind, you came to steal daddy and now all you do is yell at him). Make sure your fiancee has a talk with him regarding you and how you love this little boy and want to be a part of his life. Also, don't tolerate him talking back/disrespecting you; but let your fiancee be the one that talks to him. You don't want to push him away before he gets close to you. it'll change mama.
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Dear Baby in my Belly, Please come out. Seriously. It's like a 100 degrees here, IN CANADA. Your dad has taken to calling me puffy. I get that you're a dude and the last thing you want to do is leave a place you're going to spend the rest of your life trying to get back into, but enough. Your room is really cool, come out and see it. Sincerely, Love Mummy
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Old 10-30-2007, 10:13 AM   #5
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Re: stepson picky eater and lying

You mentioned that he lives with his grandparents, how often does he get to spend time with his dad? It could be that he's jealous that the precious few moments that he gets to spend with dad must now be shared with you and his little sister. Make sure that dad spends more time with him, both alone time and quality time with all of you. Whether it's taking him out for a walk/ride in the park during the week when he doesn't have him overnight or taking him out for a couple hours of man time when he is spending the night.

And if his mom is a no show, I would seriously recommend that your fiancee take the necessary steps to get either her parental rights terminated or get a court order for child support/established visitations with the mom. It doesn't matter if the mom doesn't comply, it'll only aid your case in the future if your fiancee wants to pursue getting her rights terminated and allow you to adopt him in every sense. This way, the mom can't come flying in and out of his life when it's convenient to her and drive an even bigger wedge between you and him (believe you me, she WILL blame you for all the things wrong in her world and why she doesn't see/have him. Even if you were only twelve years old and in a whole 'nother country when they divorced.....wait a minute, am I talking about me or you here? ) Plus, if you have established court documents, it will be that much harder for the mom to try to blame you/your fiancee for anything. And in time, the child will grow up and see just how good you are compared to his crazy mom.
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Dear Baby in my Belly, Please come out. Seriously. It's like a 100 degrees here, IN CANADA. Your dad has taken to calling me puffy. I get that you're a dude and the last thing you want to do is leave a place you're going to spend the rest of your life trying to get back into, but enough. Your room is really cool, come out and see it. Sincerely, Love Mummy
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