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Old 09-08-2006, 07:30 PM   #1
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My dd has 2 identities..

Well, I talked to samanthas Kindergarten teacher and I was just BLOWN away!!! She is telling me that she does not know all her letters and numbers( though she learned them all by recognition when she was 3 and is reading now ) She tells me she doesnt know all the soundshte letters make,( which she knows at home) she tells me she doest knowhow to draw, though she draws all the time at home, and i can even understand herdrawings, to the point hubby and i looked at an art based charter school. She said she doesnt know the days of the week, yet she can rattle them off with no problem at home.
She is doing sloppy work, just none of it has made it to me. I guess she hides her work under thetable when the teacher is walking around the room. I askedher why and she said herteacher never likes her work. She just scribbles at school, when asked to color, and at home she is super maticulus.
Then the teacher told me she has no friends and plays by herself. This makes me so sad. I talked to sami and asked her if she had freinds and what their names are, and she said, no one likes her. and she wants to be friends with nalani(sP) but she wont play with her. She said "i told her I love her and she just said i was stupid" we have raised our children to be loving ppl, and now this is hurting her.
Athome, she plays with alot of the neighbors, and at church she has a TON of friends, so why does she struggle at school.

Part of me wants to take in samanthas SECOND grade math and reading workbooks and show her teacher what she is doing. I guess they tested her and said she might not even be ready for Kinergarten. BUT she is really bright.... Whatever...
I want to pull hre out of school, or find a charter school, but hubby says no. just leave her. But i feel so sad for her.
and it is not like she is a freak or has a learning disability. she is a very pretty, LONG blonde curly hair, and birght blueeyes, and very tall and thin. There is no reason why i can think of that the kids dont like her, except she is a loving person and for some reason that is wrong...\

The teacher also suggested i stop homeschooling her afterhours, since that will make her too smart.... BUT i feel it is MY JOB as a parent to have my child work up to her abilities... I just had NO idea she wasnt working well at school... She said she likes to go to school, but i dont know why she would, I mean, She has no friends, the teacher thinks her work is poor,and she apperently isnt adjusting well. and when i asked the teacher what i can do, all she said was STOP working with her....


Let me tell you, this first run in public schools does not have me impressed...

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Old 09-08-2006, 07:45 PM   #2
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Re: My dd has 2 identities..

Aw, to you, mama!

Would you be able to spend part of a day observing her at school, maybe without her knowledge? (Like through a window in the back for an hour or two?) Maybe that would give you some more clues?
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Old 09-08-2006, 07:51 PM   #3
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Re: My dd has 2 identities..

Ian is doing the exact same thing. Maybe they have proformance anxiety.
He was reading and doing addition and subtraction at home. Now he can only count to 12 and forgot half the alphabet
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Old 09-09-2006, 12:53 PM   #4
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Re: My dd has 2 identities..

Thanks mamas.

I really think she is just shy.. I asked her why she hides her work under the table and she said her teacher never likes her pictures... i asked her why she plays alone, and she said no one will play with her. But i am not certain she is making an effort to play with them. KWIM...

She did tellme they pulled her out of hte classroom, into the library and asked her to start rhyming... I asked,what are rhymes,andshe said, like, cat, hat, fat, mat..... She gets IT.. But she failed the test there...

I knowthe teacher can only go off of what she sees at school, but i also think, they shoudl be encouraging her to come out of her shell a bit, and help her...
She CANT be the only one in the class with these issues,though, i think out of her entire class, i am the ONLY sahm, so maybe she was the only one that didnt go to daycare... But its not like we stay in the house all day to not talk to anyone. We go to church every week for 3 hours, we go over to freinds houses a few times a week, and ppl come over here.
I just dont know why she is like 2 differnt kids.. the happy, very bright, at home kid, and the stressed out, not so bright school kid
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Old 09-09-2006, 12:58 PM   #5
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Re: My dd has 2 identities..

Melissa,
Don't forget the past six months - you guys have been through a lot! They can get stressed. My guess is that she misses you as well. She probably has an overwhelming desire just to be near you and dosn't know how to say that.

When we lost Miles, Clarise was one week shy of three year. All of her little friend were in dance, so I thought she might like to do it. Well, she sat in the corner of the dance class and cried and sulked. She didn't want anything to do with them. She wanted to "watch."

My point is that I think it was too soon after our loss. They also grieve, but don't understand how to express their grief. I know you are pregnant with another, but she may be scared of another loss.

Something to consider?
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Old 09-09-2006, 01:05 PM   #6
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Re: My dd has 2 identities..

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Originally Posted by SusanSmiles
Melissa,
Don't forget the past six months - you guys have been through a lot! They can get stressed. My guess is that she misses you as well. She probably has an overwhelming desire just to be near you and dosn't know how to say that.

When we lost Miles, Clarise was one week shy of three year. All of her little friend were in dance, so I thought she might like to do it. Well, she sat in the corner of the dance class and cried and sulked. She didn't want anything to do with them. She wanted to "watch."

My point is that I think it was too soon after our loss. They also grieve, but don't understand how to express their grief. I know you are pregnant with another, but she may be scared of another loss.

Something to consider?

That makes sense.... i did tell her teacher when she asked in a packet about anything that might be going on. that i was pregnant and due in March, andthe last baby was stillborn in may... I am sure she has fears, becasue she tells me, she prays that this baby won tdie too...And in family prayer last week, she said, she was thankful for the new baby, and asked heavenly father if we could keep this one.. This was me

Thanks for this perspective....
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Old 09-09-2006, 03:44 PM   #7
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Re: My dd has 2 identities..

She sounds overwhelmed. Is there a school counselor who could maybe help you out?

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Old 09-09-2006, 04:43 PM   #8
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Re: My dd has 2 identities..

Quote:
Originally Posted by A'smommy
She sounds overwhelmed. Is there a school counselor who could maybe help you out?


I totally agree - maybe it is just a lot to take in for her right now. A new, big classroom has to be daunting to any kid, maybe she is just scared to work like she does at home??? At home, she knows you are going to praise her and tell her she is doing a great job, maybe she is not so sure of the teacher's reaction at school. Also, if she knows all the stuff at home, she could be ahead of her peers right now. They will catch up quickly, but maybe she doesn't want to stand out. Kids have an uncanny sense of that sort of thing. You have done so much with her at home, it seems normal to all of us who do the same to prepare our kids, but so many kids start school with NO readiness skills - they don't know colors or shapes even, or how to work a puzzle. I know I have some friends who teach K-garten and they even have kids who start school and don't know their own name - really!

Just keep the lines of communication open with the teacher and let her know everyday that you are concerned about your daughter. I think observing would be great if you can observe where she can't see you. Hang in there mama!
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Old 09-09-2006, 10:02 PM   #9
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Re: My dd has 2 identities..

Melissa, as a teacher, I can't help but fume when I read this. I think it is totally unacceptable for a teacher to criticize a kindergartner's drawing, and far too soon to be making assessments about what she can and can't do when so many kids are first adjusting. And telling you not to work with her because that might put her "too far ahead?" Please! It sounds like this lady is not what your dd needs.

Some practical suggestions:
1. Ask for names and phone #'s of other girls in your dd's class and arrange some playdates, so that she'll know them better, and have some experience with them on her turf.
2. DO bring in that work and show it to the teacher, so that they see what she can do. Let them know that they are overwhelming her and possibly scaring her, and to back off a little and let her watch until she's comfortable participating.
3. Find out if there are other kindergarten classes that maybe she could switch into, and observe those teachers to find the best fit.
4. DH notwithstanding, start looking into those charter schools or other options. No kid should have to be afraid in school.

Good luck, mama! And I'm rooting for you with the latest pg, too.
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Old 09-09-2006, 10:48 PM   #10
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Re: My dd has 2 identities..

Thanks again ladies...
I am hopeing i can calm down before monday. Since the teacher told me that I will be hearing fromthe principal. Ifi donthear from her monday, I will be putting in a call on tuesday..
I have been asking more directive questions to my dd, and she is really unhappy. I ask just in normal conversatin, when things are going good, and when i bring up school, she gets sad. and says very few words...

It just makes me very sad. Especially since i am supposed to be living in one of the top 2 school districts in the state.. I am guessing this state has a LONG way to go....
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