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Old 03-19-2008, 07:59 AM   #11
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Re: What do/did you do when 15month LO had Tantrum

Mama, it's okay!
Tantrums are pretty easy to nip in the bud. They just take mama being mindful and consistent. So, for example, I am aware of our routine and keep it in mind. If it's three o'clock in the afternoon and baby hasn't had a nap, well, that's kind of my fault and I can't expect a 15 mo to be cheerful. (I would expect a 4 year old, but not a 15 mo.)

Ignoring it is not the answer. That assumes tantrums are a phase and that they will pass. They will not. I've seen two year olds, 4 yr. olds, and 15 year olds throw a fit when they don't get what they want. If you want a 4 year old that throws fits, by all means ignore it.

A swat is not the answer either. I'm actually not against them. (Yes, I said it.) HOWEVER, so many people think a swat fixes the problem. No, that's not what does it. It's having a consistent action to discourage the swat and doing it consistently that stops the behaviour. The swat might be their "tool" but it's the consistency that gets the wanted behaviour, not the swat.

Just remember that you are training your child how to behave by your behaviour. You are ALWAYS training. By ignoring them, you will (I promise, just wait and see) train them to react bigger and more 'til you are forced to react, unless you have a very compliant child.

All you have to do mama, is pick the baby up. Sit him on a chair. Get on your knees and tell him no. Don't hold him 'til he stops. Outlast the behaviour. As soon as he quiets down, tell him good baby for stopping and play with him. Never reward the behaviour. If his fit is for wanting to be picked up, then don't pick him up. Make him be happy playing on the floor with you 'til he's happy. Tell him, "No. I'll pick you up when you're happy." Reward good behaviour, never reward bad. Kiddos are smart. They quickly learn what gets them their way. When a fit never works, they'll give up that tool. When being sweet and saying please gets them what they want they learn to do it. It takes time and consistency, but I can tell you you can have toddlers and preschoolers that do NOT throw fits.

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Old 03-19-2008, 08:41 AM   #12
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Re: What do/did you do when 15month LO had Tantrum

I really think figuring out why they are having a tantrum in the first place is the key to dealing with them. Young toddlers don't have tantrums to manipulate you, true tantrums are a genuine loss of control, it's not something they calculate or plan and use as a tactic. Their overwhelming rage and loss of control often terrifies them, it can be a horrible experience. So I really think you don't want them to feel rewarded for them but at the same time I don't think you want to punish them for something they can't control. When the tantrum is over, continue on with your day like the tantrum never happened. They look to you for stability even when you don't think they do.

I really think you need to deal with (or avoid) the trigger of a tantrum whenever possible. But also keep in mind that as your child becomes better at finding ways to communicate the tantrums should become less and less frequent. Just remember to stay firm, if the tantrum is over candy in the grocery store check out that your LO can't have- You acknowledge and sympathize with their frustration (Say something like, "You are mad you can't have that candy aren't you?") but remain firm that they can't have what they want in this situation, give them a hug if you have to and try to calm them (some kids don't want to be touched when they tantrum so this is when a time out works really well) but make sure you validate their frustration. You can't ever give in. Giving in only confuses them and irritates the situation because the outcome of a tantrum is unpredictable. And toddlers need the stability of being able to predict an outcome of something like this. You may go through drama when you pass that candy 5 or 6 more times but one day they will just not freak out anymore.

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Old 03-19-2008, 10:01 AM   #13
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Re: What do/did you do when 15month LO had Tantrum

my little man's trigger is not getting what he wants or being told no by mom. He knows if he whines he's mom will usually give in just so the next step
(tantrum) wont happen. Also I found the tantrum only lasted 10mins instead of hour or more long when I just held him and wouldn't let him go till he was done. I'm kind of leaning toward that method.

He's wants when he's having a tantrum though really is to be held by mom, if not just to demand to be back down. So I hate thinking this is giving in. Could someone define giving in??

like : giving in mean, after your little one throws the climax of the tantrum and starts gasping for breath but still crying a bit, can the parent pick the child up then?

if you move to the next room just so you don't snap at the child for having a tantrum, but the child follows you still having a mini tantrum is this giving in?

last thing could you pls explain this part blsdmama?
All you have to do mama, is pick the baby up. Sit him on a chair. Get on your knees and tell him no. Don't hold him 'til he stops. Outlast the behavior.


one last question is, do you think its alright to take a toddler into a store when your 80% positive he/she is bound to have a tantrum? I have him in the baby carrier and I know from past experience he trys to get out but once he realizes he's in there he will be good for 20mins then vocalize he doesn't want to be in carrier for 10mins max, then be good again. Or is this just being mean to those shopping and wanting some peace?
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Old 03-19-2008, 10:02 AM   #14
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Re: What do/did you do when 15month LO had Tantrum

also thank you mama's for all your advice. I'll be trying some of the suggestions out and hope soon my son is the sweet little man I know he is
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Old 03-19-2008, 10:23 AM   #15
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Re: What do/did you do when 15month LO had Tantrum

Pick your battles! When it isn't that big of a deal I don't try and fret over it. Example my dd picks up the dirty cat dishes if I haven't gotten there first. I have told her as part of the routine if she picks them up she brings them to me and we put them up. My DH doesn't think she should touch them so he just tells her no and she freaks out! Part of the prob is both of us aren't on the same page and the other prob is there are bigger things to worry about. By all means if it's always a no then don't cave. My DD never gets to touch the curio cabinet, she tries, but she doesn't really get upset when she is told no.
GO INTO THE STORE! You have to get food and leave the house at some point. If they want to glare go ahead you've gotta do what you've gotta do.
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Old 03-19-2008, 10:37 AM   #16
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Re: What do/did you do when 15month LO had Tantrum

I would suggest that if you know he's going to have a tantrum in a store and you can't get out of going, try to prepare. My oldest DS is Autistic and we use a lot of social stories to help prepare him for stressful situations like going to a store. Here is a link to help you understand what asocial story is....
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Social_stories

It's intended use is for children on the spectrum but I found it really helpful with my toddlers before they were good at communicating their needs and understanding what was expected of them.

Anyway. If you tell him 1/2 an hour before you go to the sore that you are, then as you put his shoes on say "We are putting your shoes on to go to the store" then as you put him into the car say "We are getting in the car to go to the store" On the way there talk about what you want to do at the store.

Another suggestion is that you could start him walking on his own at the store for small stretches of time. It's a bit of a PITA to start to do and I'll say that's it's much more simple to teach a younger child who has an older siblings to modle... But teaching your LO to hold on to a cart or the side of the stroller as you shop really helps out. It's really boring for them to sit in one spot while you take them shopping, getting them up and walking makes a big difference. Also, plan for short trips. Make a mental game plan before you go into the store and get things done as quickly as possible (helps prevent tantrums and helps to keep you from spending $$ ).

the best advice I can give you no matter what you do, is to not fear the tantrum I swear kids can smell fear . If you just give in and accept tantrums as a normal part of having a toddler and deal with them very consistently- it will get better. A big reason a lot of kids freak out in public is because they can't predict their parents behavior because Mom or Dad reacts unpredictably to their actions when other people are watching. Another reason is that parents expect their children to just turn off once they enter a store. Toddlers don't have an off switch and they need to be stimulated, even in a store. Change things up for them, bring snacks, bring toys that attach to their cart/stroller, talk to them, involve them in the shopping. If a tantrum happens in public, don't let gawking strangers change how you would and should deal with things. Ignore them and deal w/ your LO. If things really get out of hand maybe you could make a buck and sell tickets
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