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Old 03-23-2008, 10:55 AM   #1
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Why does my 6 year old keep doing this?!?!

First Ill give you some background info. DD#2 Kaylen is almost 6 (5/23 is her bday). For years we have had behavioral issues which up until recently I thought were normal things. Well these past few wks have driven me to the brink of insanity.
Last nite she took some playdough which we had put up to keep her from doing this, and smashed it into her bedroom carpet. Then this morning I wake up and she managed to get my scissors from their hiding spot and cut up her BRAND NEW My Little Pony's hair ( I just bought them on Friday cus she begged for them). Now she knows these are wrongs or at least I interpret it as such cus she cries when I point out what she has done. I've done everything humanly possible that I can think of to keep this stuff from happening even hiding questionable toys (playdo moonsand and other messy toys) and hiding my scissors, the pens, crayons, markers and she STILL manages to get ahold of them.
I am at my wit's end and ready to snap because this is just ridiculous. Time outs do nothing as I dont think she "gets" them and Ive yelled and I've even tried spanking a time or two(which that didnt work either lesson learned). Please help me. I feel bad because I love her but I just can't deal with her anymore.

ETA: This isnt all of it but just stuff that happened within the past week the so to speak straw that broke the camel's back.

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Old 03-23-2008, 11:08 AM   #2
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Re: Why does my 6 year old keep doing this?!?!

WE had similar problems with Dylan my DSS. I finally strip his entire bedroom of everything. No TV Nothing---Well just his bed and bedding . He had to started earning things back and when he could show us he would be responsible he could get something else back and if NOT then something got taken away.

He started to realize we had High expectation of taking care of his stuff. TO this day He will put his bike away nicely in the garage and clean up his room and take care of his stuff here.....BUT at his moms house he is totally different and breaks everything ruins everything loses everything.
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Old 03-23-2008, 11:29 AM   #3
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Re: Why does my 6 year old keep doing this?!?!

I think I'm coming from a very different perspective.

In our house, a gift is a gift. The ownership is transferred to the receiver. If that person decides to use it, throw it out, modify it.....well, so what? It belongs to them. I wouldn't see it as a wrong, per se, that she cut her pony's hair. I've had to bite my tongue at several ages and chalk it up to a lesson learned for me, not them, when something is destroyed. The item simply does not get replaced.

As far as destruction of communal property, the most logical response would be reconstruction of said community property. Calmly hand her the tools needed with a "I know you can do this. If you need instructions, I'll be in the kitchen" and walk out of the room. It's not your responsibility, and while you do own your emotions, I find it better for all involved to keep the two distinctly seperate.

On the flip, it sounds like she's looking for more tactile play. I went through a long period of cutting with a 5yo. Paper, hair, clothes, toys, blankets......(he became pretty good at sewing, lol) It stopped when I found a Kumon book full of cutting exercises that made different paper toys. He just needed a better way to channel that urge until it had passed. Perhaps setting up a special area in the kitchen or making small batches of salt dough together could be an option. If a child is to do well with the responsibility, they have to have the freedom given, too. A distinct mess area would give her that freedom and keep it contained in a supervisable spot (locking cabinet at night, perhaps?) until the responsibility is attained.
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Old 03-23-2008, 03:33 PM   #4
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Re: Why does my 6 year old keep doing this?!?!

Behavior issues are often tied to food sensitivities/allergies. The biggest ones I know of are wheat, food dyes (especially reds and yellows), and artificial flavors. I would try cutting those out and see if that makes a difference.
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Old 03-24-2008, 12:03 PM   #5
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Re: Why does my 6 year old keep doing this?!?!

Quote:
Originally Posted by LilyGrace View Post
I think I'm coming from a very different perspective.

In our house, a gift is a gift. The ownership is transferred to the receiver. If that person decides to use it, throw it out, modify it.....well, so what? It belongs to them. I wouldn't see it as a wrong, per se, that she cut her pony's hair. I've had to bite my tongue at several ages and chalk it up to a lesson learned for me, not them, when something is destroyed. The item simply does not get replaced.
As far as destruction of communal property, the most logical response would be reconstruction of said community property. Calmly hand her the tools needed with a "I know you can do this. If you need instructions, I'll be in the kitchen" and walk out of the room. It's not your responsibility, and while you do own your emotions, I find it better for all involved to keep the two distinctly seperate.

On the flip, it sounds like she's looking for more tactile play. I went through a long period of cutting with a 5yo. Paper, hair, clothes, toys, blankets......(he became pretty good at sewing, lol) It stopped when I found a Kumon book full of cutting exercises that made different paper toys. He just needed a better way to channel that urge until it had passed. Perhaps setting up a special area in the kitchen or making small batches of salt dough together could be an option. If a child is to do well with the responsibility, they have to have the freedom given, too. A distinct mess area would give her that freedom and keep it contained in a supervisable spot (locking cabinet at night, perhaps?) until the responsibility is attained.
Great advise, you took the words right out of my fingers.
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Old 03-24-2008, 06:58 PM   #6
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Re: Why does my 6 year old keep doing this?!?!

Quote:
Originally Posted by LilyGrace View Post
I think I'm coming from a very different perspective.

In our house, a gift is a gift. The ownership is transferred to the receiver. If that person decides to use it, throw it out, modify it.....well, so what? It belongs to them. I wouldn't see it as a wrong, per se, that she cut her pony's hair. I've had to bite my tongue at several ages and chalk it up to a lesson learned for me, not them, when something is destroyed. The item simply does not get replaced.

As far as destruction of communal property, the most logical response would be reconstruction of said community property. Calmly hand her the tools needed with a "I know you can do this. If you need instructions, I'll be in the kitchen" and walk out of the room. It's not your responsibility, and while you do own your emotions, I find it better for all involved to keep the two distinctly seperate.

On the flip, it sounds like she's looking for more tactile play. I went through a long period of cutting with a 5yo. Paper, hair, clothes, toys, blankets......(he became pretty good at sewing, lol) It stopped when I found a Kumon book full of cutting exercises that made different paper toys. He just needed a better way to channel that urge until it had passed. Perhaps setting up a special area in the kitchen or making small batches of salt dough together could be an option. If a child is to do well with the responsibility, they have to have the freedom given, too. A distinct mess area would give her that freedom and keep it contained in a supervisable spot (locking cabinet at night, perhaps?) until the responsibility is attained.
Very good advice!
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