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Old 10-03-2006, 02:07 PM   #11
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Re: Breastfeeding & bashing

I've been nursing for 21 months. My daughter didn't take any appreciable amount of solid food until 10 months of age, and I couldn't pump to save my life.

In the early months, did I like breastfeeding? Hell no! Was it a lot of work? Hell yes! But I knew before my daughter was born that it would be a lot of time and effort and that she would essentially be tied to me for months. It's part of being a parent - we're not entitled to scheduled breaks. I was so disappointed when at six months she didn't like any of the baby foods I gave her, because I wanted to be able to leave her with dad for longer than an hour and he be able to feed her. But she didn't, and that was that. I told myself she wouldn't be exclusively breastfed forever, and I dealt with it.

If I had been desperately in need of a break, I would have given her formula. It isn't rat poison. It has it's place. It would not have killed her. But because I knew breastmilk was best for her, I didn't do that. Would I judge someone else for that? At this point, no I wouldn't. I see far too many people who think breastfeeding is an all-or-nothing thing and give up completely after one formula bottle. I would so much rather see a baby get some breastmilk whenever possible than none at all.

I don't think formula is evil. I do think more people need to be made aware that powdered formula is NOT sterile, and can easily be contaminated with dangerous bacteria. Babies under one month of age should be fed ready-to-feed or liquid concentrate formula instead of powder for that very reason. I personally don't like that powder is on the market since it's so often recalled for contamination, but I recognize how expensive the other forms are.

All that said, if breastfeeding is making you depressed, then the depression needs to be treated. Most of the time, quitting breastfeeding doesn't make everything all better. At the same time, breastfeeding isn't the be-all and end-all of parenting. In 5 years, no one is going to know or care if you breastfed or not. In my ideal world, people wouldn't give up for silly reasons like lopsided breasts or thinking the baby has to work too hard to nurse.

I won't even get into dairy/soy sensitivities, food allergies and elimination diets, as I have been fortunate enough not to have to deal with any of that, and am in awe of mothers who do.

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Old 10-03-2006, 02:14 PM   #12
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Re: Breastfeeding & bashing

This post is kind of personal to me.

I am VERY pro-breastfeeding. I have been lucky, and b/fing has always come VERY easy to me and my boys. With Mason (ds#1), nobody ever helped me, we just kind of went ahead and did it, and it worked and was GREAT! We nursed until he self-weaned.

With Camden, he was a champion nurser and all was great...

Until he had SEVERE health problems. He spent most of his first year of life in the hospital and was on a 24/hour NG tube. I tried to pump, to keep my milk supply up, but it was hopeless...he ended up being on the NG tube for 9ish months, so I stopped pumping.

I was (am) SO sad that I wasn't able to breastfeed him for very long...but in the end, with him, it was a matter of life or death, so I think I made the right decision.


I never judge people for feeding their child---as long as they are feeding them. I am obviously pro-breast feeding, but I give other people the right to make their own decisions.
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Old 10-03-2006, 02:39 PM   #13
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Re: Breastfeeding & bashing

I didn't read all the posts, gotta run, but just wanted to say and you're not alone. I understand why you're posting...we come to this board for fun and chit chat and advice and everything else, and while it is a great board and there are so many wonderful mamas here, we don't always feel understood or loved or whatever. It's hard because it's virtual, not 'real life', so things are taken out of context and stuff. As my DH tries to remind me, we all come to these boards 'seeking' them and therefore we're not really a random slice of folks. We all kind of lean one way or the other in certain issues. So yeah there are a lot of BF supporters (some more 'zealous' than others) as well as folks who feel strongly about various AP and natural parenting issues. SO try not to judge yourself compared to how you feel the majority feel.

That said, I'm sure no one means to make you feel bad or guilty by what they are saying, lots of us just sort of reply to posts without really understanding what the ramifications on the other end might be. I know i 've experienced this with other issues.

I still BF my son at almost 17 months, but only 2X day - no more if I can help it at all. I only do it because it's easier to me than trying to stop him...he's just not ready so it would be a fight and I don't want to have one more thing to 'argue' about with him or have him be upset about. I have a friend who tried SOOOO hard to BF both sons, and she couldn't. She tried so hard with her 2nd DS that he was STILL losing weight at 3 weeks old because the 3 LCs she had been to all kept saying to just keep up the pumping and nursing and herbs, etc. and the milk would come. Well, it didn't and he ended up in the hospital. The 4th LC she went to said...just feed your baby. Give him formula, let him nurse, do both, just feed him. It wasnt' her fault - but b/c everyone was SO pro-BF and so determined that every female MUST be able to BF - her DSs health was compromised. She still cries about it now...that she couldn't BF. And it's hard to avoid all the pro-BF out there. I just don't think everyone thinks when they say stuff...about who might be listening and how they would feel. It 'sn ot that they are mean, they just can't always be thinking of everyone else.

Sorry for the ramble. Guess I'm going through stuff like this too and wanted you to know you're not alone!
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Old 10-03-2006, 03:03 PM   #14
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Re: Breastfeeding & bashing

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Originally Posted by EmnJJsMom View Post
I could never imagine putting formula in a newborn tummy. They are putting warnings on formula cans for a reason. Not to mention, I can't fathom supporting formula companies for moral reasons...but that's a whole different topic.
Let me first just say, I breastfed my daughter for 15 months before weaning her. I did have trials and tribulations - I over came them and went about my BFing business.

But, I'll also say this is a very ignorant comment IMHO. How awful do you think that could possibly make a formula feeding mother?

I'm all for BFing, but I'm all for formula feeding as well. When my daughter was first born she had a very hard time latching on and I was on the brink of giving up, I was so stressed out, I was frustrated, and I was tired. This ALL rubbed off on to my new, very hungry, just as annoyed and frustrated newborn so off I sent my DH to Target and told him to buy some formula. I needed rest. She needed to eat. We both needed some good rest - and guess what she drank it. We napped. She was happy and not screaming bloody murder. She woke up - and nursed successfully for the first time.

She is a strong healthy little girl today - and I wouldnt change what I did - ever.

If you dont want to support the formula companies - thats definitley your choice. But I think it's pretty rude to say pretty much that putting formula in a newborns tummy is like poisoning them.

I'd hate to make other mamas feel bad for choice (no matter what it is) that they feel is best for their child.
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Old 10-03-2006, 03:34 PM   #15
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Re: Breastfeeding & bashing

Every mother is unique as is every breastfeeding experience. I hope that no matter our opinion regarding another woman's choices in feeding her child we remember that as breastfeeding mothers we are role models. We are sources of support, encouragement, knowledge and strength. Harsh judgements towards others make us less approachable. Just because a woman doesn't breastfeed one child doesn't mean she won't breastfeed children in the future...and maybe she'll ask one of us for support when the time comes.


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Old 10-03-2006, 03:35 PM   #16
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Re: Breastfeeding & bashing

I didn't mean that it's poisoning them (although as pp said there are always formula recalls because they get contaminated) What I meant was, I could never imagine ME putting formula in MY newborns tummy. I know there are a select few out there that HAVE to. BUT to think of putting something in MY babies newborn's sensitive tummy that wasn't made completely for her, that she would sleep better because it's "harder to digest" is not something I would ever consider doing. And I would never directly say anything to someone about it. I have friends that formula feed and I have never said a word although I did encourage them to breastfeed.

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Old 10-03-2006, 03:52 PM   #17
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Re: Breastfeeding & bashing

I really don't understand why it would even bother some mama's what other women are doing. As long as your doing what "YOU" want to then thats all that should really matter.

I will NEVER understand why women are so hard on other women.
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Old 10-03-2006, 04:52 PM   #18
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Re: Breastfeeding & bashing

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I will NEVER understand why women are so hard on other women.
......And why we are so hard on ourselves.

I bf'd for a year and I know how hard it is.Esp with a baby who would not take a bottle for the first 6 months (though I think is it easier than formula after the first couple of months)

My sister nursed her son to 18 mo and my SIL only nursed one of her three daughters for more than a week, you know what? they are all great kids. Intelligent, compassionate, loving and fun.

Do what you have to do mamas! Motherhood is hard enough .
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Old 10-03-2006, 06:36 PM   #19
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Re: Breastfeeding & bashing

I agree with what a few others have said.
There is a difference between a mother who has TRIED to breastfeed and then goes to formula (for medical, personal or other reasons) versus someone who chooses formula from the get go and believes that formula is far superior to breastmilk.
I would NEVER bash or insult a mom, no matter what her feeding choices. Sometimes I think its a shame that a baby never had the chance to recieve his mother's milk (designed especially for him), but I would never point the finger and say "you are terrible for not breastfeeding! Shame on you!".
Now, there are some reasons for not breastfeeding that I find rather silly. For instance my SIL does not plan to breastfeed because she thinks its "creepy" (I guess the idea of her breasts going from being a sexual object to a method of feeding a child). And she genuinely believes in her heart that formula is better, more complete nutrition and that breastfeeding is "obsolete". Needless to say, her ideas about it make me shrug and sigh.

There are moments when I see a woman mixing up formula and ALMOST say "awww, thats too bad". But I remind myself that I dont know their story or the circumstances.

Every mother has the right to do what is best for their child, and shouldnt be chastized for whatever method she does choose.

But, I am totally 100% FOR breastfeeding, and Im proud of any woman who chooses to do it. Lord knows, at times the temptation to quit can be mind boggling!
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Old 10-03-2006, 06:48 PM   #20
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Re: Breastfeeding & bashing

I am pro breastfeeding. I breastfed dd until she was 10 monthes....and only my changed milk taste made her stop...Zoe has been pumped for around the clock since she was 3 days old...really bad thrush has prevented her from latching on, and i am taking domperidone and fenugreek to keep my supply up...but tonight she is going to have her first bottle of formula. The lcs all said we need to get rid of my yeast in order to get rid of hers....so I am going to formula feed her while we do major thrush removal duty, bleaching everything that can be bleached, vinegaring everything that can be vinegared, gentian violetting things that can be and canesten too, and diflucan....everything to make this yeast get lost....and while we do all this..we will formula feed....and it will be ok, because my dd will still be eating and it wil make her healthy, and two weeks of formula hopefuly won't kill her....but I hate to see her, and me in pain.....anyways....When I told someone today thta i was oing to formula feed her...I got told that obviously i didn't care for my child if i didn't nurse her....and I bawled. I think breast is best....but i also think as long as the mother is doing what she feels is best for her child, i wouldn't ever bash them or judge...If i am asked for advice, I will give it, but without the side of criticism.
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