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Old 05-02-2008, 12:44 AM   #1
ladylee's Avatar
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Location: Boise, ID
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young kindergarten - holding back?

Alright. I am a school psychologist so I know a lot of the research regarding retention bla bla bla.

Well, my four year old makes the kindergarten cutt off by THREE WEEKS. I am in tears. He has been looking forward to kindergarten for a year. His IQ is almost superior (like his father). Academically he is above average and his reasoning skills are almost superior. His social skills are that of a three year old. He is small as well. His favorite kids to play with our three year old girls. He is in daycare full two days a week and preschool a few hours, two days a week. He doesn't hardly play with the kids his age at the daycare (there are three boys his age). He would rather play with the two girls who are three years old. When I see how he interacts with them, he fits in. When I see the other boys interact with him, it is painful. He really is a lot smarter than them in intelligence but socially, they just don't want to play with him. I am at a lost in some ways because I don't know if it's because he is literally more intelligent then them and they are not interested in the things he is interested in. Then again, other really smart kids can socialize well with their peers so that may not be a big issue.

My original thought was to have him go to kindergarten and repeat it. The research does indicate that this can have a negative impact on kids even in the young of a grade. Professionally, I haven't seen it at all. I have seen that extra year the kids blossom. The research is so convincing.

I did find this information:

he 1993 and 1995 surveys found notable differences between the later school performance of students who were held out of kindergarten and students who repeated kindergarten.

* The performance of first- and second-graders who were held out of kindergarten was better than that of first- and second-graders who entered kindergarten at the prescribed age.
* On the other hand, children who had to repeat kindergarten were doing worse than other first- and second-graders

* First- and second-grade students in 1993 who had been kept out of kindergarten until they were older were less likely than other students to draw negative feedback from teachers about their academic performance or conduct in class.
* In 1995 the delayed entry students were less like likely than students who started kindergarten on time to have repeated first or second grade.
* First- and second-graders who were retained in kindergarten had more school performance problems than children who didn't repeat.
* First- and second-graders in 1993 who had repeated kindergarten were more likely than children who had not repeated to receive negative feedback from their teachers.

In contrast
Students who started school later had more behavioral problems than students of average age, especially when they hit adolescence, the study showed. According to this research, at 17, 16 percent of students who started kindergarten later demonstrated extremely inappropriate conduct, while 7 percent of the average-age students exhibited similar inappropriate behavior.

I don't think that would apply to my child, nathan, because he only makes the cut off by 2 weeks.

I have also read that if I decide to do a Montessori Kindergarten this next year or a private kindergarten with the intention of placing him in a different kindergarten setting like public school the following year, it is not considered the same. That is considered by many experts - fine. I know what I need to do.

My son is academically ready but he plays with 3 and 4 year olds. He is not socially ready for kindergarten. Already his peers shun him but those who are a little younger (6 months to one year) love him.

I am so SAD!!! I will go to the school on Monday to talk with them. Perhaps I can send Nathan to a private school next year and they will keep his spot at the school, the following year.He was chosen to go to the best public school in the area: School for the arts and Leadership! It's the best school and he has a spot.

My son WANTS to go to kindergarten really bad. He learned the alphabet and all the letter sounds in a three day period to show me that he really wanted to go. His motivation is beyond anything I have ever seen just so he can go to kindergarten. Yet, he really gets upset when he finds out he is the youngest out of all of his friends. He tells me he wants to be the oldest and is tired of being the youngest. I have never been so so sad.

Guess what? My other boy was born in July, so I get to go through this again.

My colleagues all tell me to not send him to kindergarten but agree that a Montessori maybe appropriate for this year. Does Montessori help with social skills?? Also, in my meetings I have NEVER once heard a parent saying they regretted holding their child back.

SO SO SAD. If that is what we chose, my son will never forgive us. I fear his motivation would be gone. Right now, his motivation is so strong to learn because he really wants to prove to us he can do it. His preschool teacher told me that he is one of her highest students academically and lowest socially!! Sorry, I am rambling.

Deep in my heart, I feel that not having his start would be the best thing because I see how he interacts with others who would go into kindergarten. The kids the grade below him are where he is at.

This summer, his preschool has summer camp. The 3 and 4 year olds will be together and the 5 -7 year olds will be together. He will be with the older group just because the 5 year olds will be in kindergarten (his b-day is in August). This may be a big indicator as to what we should do.

I do believe regardless, another year of preschool would cause him to have behavior problems. He has known all of the preschool stuff for two years now. There are a few private kindergarten classes in the area and then I
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