Reply Hey Mom! Learn more about the Gerber Life Insurance Grow-Up Plan!
Thread Tools Display Modes
Old 05-16-2008, 03:45 PM   #1
Riverdavidsmama's Avatar
Registered Users
Join Date: Mar 2008
Location: The Great Northern Woods
Posts: 3,665
My Mood:
"psychologically damaging" my 18-month-old by nursing

So I have an aunt who is about 10 years older than me and we both got married and had our sons around the same time. She tried nursing briefly but my mom said she was super uncomfortable with it and wouldn't feed the baby (they would say "he's hungry" she would say "I just fed him!"
She also lives in NY, works like crazy and has a nanny who she leaves him with on nights, weekends and when they take trips to Europe or elsewhere, which is pretty often.
Anyway, when we caught up over the phone a few months ago (my son was 15 months at the time) I mentioned in a story that I was nursing him and she stopped me in my tracks, told me he would never stop, that it's wrong, that I'm doing it for myself, and that she thinks I am psychologically damaging my son.
I kind of laughed and had a few comebacks about it being the most natural way and the way they have done things for thousands of years (to which she said "that's because they had no other way to feed them!!!")
Of course I was too flustered to give her the facts or tell her about the AAP and WHO recommendations.
To "prove" that it was wrong she told me she worked with a guy who was going through a divorce and that his wife was still nursing a five year old and they took the kid away from her. I responded that it was rare for a child to nurse that long but that I thought it was ridiculous that he was taken away. We ended the convo with her saying "you don't want to talk to me about this, it upsets me too much."
Anyway, I kind of brushed it off until the other day when I got a happy mother's day text from her and it just made me want to scream. Happy Mother's Day? To a mom you think is basically abusing her child?
How would you respond? Would you at all? Would you address it with other fam members who you know will eventually find out before she talks to them? Do I really WANT to hear other peoples opinions? I find myself wanting to tell them so I can educate them and they can see/understand how healthy and normal it is to nurse a toddler, but I don't know if that matters. I mean, my aunt is a mega-buck earner in NY, very progressive in most matters and yet...
How do you deal? Please help, mamas. This is consuming me.


Crunchy Christian liberal and WAHM to my two crazy superheroes, River (10/06) and Rainn (4/09), and my sweet Briar Rose (7/12). For Sale: Girly side-snapping Mutt and DnF fitteds, Maya Wrap.
Riverdavidsmama is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 05-16-2008, 03:54 PM   #2
ForCryingOutLoud's Avatar
Registered Users
Join Date: Aug 2007
Location: Home of the Pittsburgh Penguins!
Posts: 10,968
My Mood:
Re: "psychologically damaging" my 18-month-old by nursing

Oh gosh! What is wrong with her? I wouldn't be able to talk to her after that. That is horrible thing to say.
I'd educate your family and her about extending breastfeeding and the benefits to it. I'd send her some stuff from LLL and other sources through the mail or something or email.
Oh gosh and she has some personal issues if she can't handle even talking about it. It is her problem not yours. That is really sad.
Questions or Concerns please email me at
ForCryingOutLoud is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 05-16-2008, 06:53 PM   #3
xelasminin's Avatar
Registered Users
Join Date: Dec 2007
Location: PA
Posts: 1,145
My Mood:
Re: "psychologically damaging" my 18-month-old by nursing

its really really hard to take that from people you love and thought would support you because they loved you.

I went through this with a friend, and basically I don't bring nursing up when we talk on the phone. However in the rare event that we actually are able to get together I wouldn't hesitate to feed my daughter in front of her for any reason.

I really have no advice to really give you. I've been there and i just ignored it all. If I didn't I'd of gotten really heated with my friend. I chose the agree to disagree route.
xelasminin is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 05-16-2008, 07:02 PM   #4
La Mere D'Anna's Avatar
La Mere D'Anna
Registered Users
Join Date: Apr 2008
Location: Washington
Posts: 165
Re: "psychologically damaging" my 18-month-old by nursing

No offense, but your aunt is a nut job. And if anything is psychologically damaging in this story, it's the fact that she abandons her child at the drop of a hat. What could that be doing to her child? Where's mommy? Where's daddy? That is wrong to me IMO.
Co-sleeping Mama to a toddler, breastfed & weaned at 2 1/2 years, Anna Daisy born 11/19/06. I just did what was natural to me.
La Mere D'Anna is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 05-16-2008, 07:14 PM   #5
CindyLynn's Avatar
Registered Users
Join Date: Apr 2008
Location: Mississauga, ON
Posts: 282
My Mood:
Re: "psychologically damaging" my 18-month-old by nursing

Perhaps she is feeling a tinge of regret for not being able to keep up with you as a mom. Your bond through BFing your DH is another one of your great accomplishments as a mother. She can't compete there and she knows it. It's tough being an Exec and mom.
Mama to two little princesses, Anikka and Kaija. Wife to my girls awesome papa. Full-time graduate student and fledgling entrepreneur with
CindyLynn is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 05-16-2008, 10:12 PM   #6
lydiamom's Avatar
Registered Users
Join Date: Feb 2008
Location: Atlanta, GA
Posts: 1,700
My Mood:
Re: "psychologically damaging" my 18-month-old by nursing

Well first of all its completely ridiculous to say that nursing a 15 month old is psychologically damaging. If it is then I guess I'm damaged because I was b***** until I was 2.

I think if you choose to respond to her you have to prepare for some heated discussions and hot tempers, because it sounds like you are both passionate in your opinions. I don't know what I'd do in the case--whether I'd confront her or just not bring it up and 'agree to disagree' like pp said. I guess it depends on how angry you are over the issue.

Good luck mama, and remember that you are doing the healthiest thing for your baby by nursing!!
Melanie, Wife to Jamie, Doula, and mom to Lydia Vera 7/6/06, Juliet Marin 3/16/08, and Virginia Kay born at home 12/26/09!!

Baltic Creations co-op now open
lydiamom is offline   Reply With Quote

Thread Tools
Display Modes

Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off

Forum Jump

Copyright 2005 - 2014 Escalate Media. All Rights Reserved.