I want to TTC but DH doesn't

[Kels5kids]

I want another child it would be #5 for me. DH doesn't want anymore, he even withholds sex from me in order to try to keep me from getting pregnant. I am supposed to be on the pill and he thinks I am but I have not filled the prescription for 2 months now. I do tell him that it is possible to get pregnant on the pill just in case I do get lucky and get pregnant. I got pregnant on the Pill with my first baby and on the Depo shot with #2. #3 and #4 I was not on any BC.
I am not actively trying but I will not be surprised when/if it happens. Scared to tell DH yes.
I do visit this board often, I love to see the BFP posts. My heart goes out to those of you that are waiting for a BFP.

LOTS OF BABY DUST TO EVERYONE!!!!!!!!!!

[nellisfamily02]

When DH and I had our baby talk a couple months ago, I was ready for him to say no and I was ready to tell him I would be going off BC either way. It didn't happen like that, so that is good.
However he did tell me that we could have one more, not 2 (I want an even #...its a middle child thing). I agreed that I thought one more was going to be enough.
I think if we already had 4, I would be in the same boat as you. Good Luck and I hope things work out with your family how you would like.

[CMamma]

ETA: Someone pointed out that this is the TTC board & I didn't realize that since I click on "new posts" & don't always go to each individual section, so I'm sorry, I probably shouldn't have replied to this section & should have reserved this reply for another section/area of the board. I was just trying to throw out another point of view/consideration, but I am sorry if this was a bad place for me to reply to the topic.

Not to play devil's advocate, but from the standpoint of a spouse that would be devostated to find out she was pregnant, how would you feel if DH knew that you weren't really on the pill, etc? I mean, if I went to the doc b/c I was sick only to find out I was preggo or something... I would die. I mean, the doc would have to call DH to get me... I would probably freak out & not be able to drive home. I don't know how I would handle it. Yes, I know w/sex that's a risk you take each time & I am not on any BC (I won't use the hormones, etc) so it's on DH to put on a condom each time & we chose natural family planning as a method of BC to NOT get preggo. Anyway, I just mean, do you look at it from his POV?

I trust DH to get that condom out of the drawer each time... and on the rare occasions that I've had a drink when we've gone out to eat & we get "friendly" after dinner when we get home I trust that he will still choose the condom & not the "but it feels better w/o one" method KWIM? And also for him to ignore my "I wish I could feel you against my skin" comments & vice versa... This is all totally TMI.

Anyway... just curious if anyone every puts themsevles on the other side of the fence. I think it's probably more rare that the mamma feels like this... especially when most people on these boards appaear to want larger families, but I think that w/the support (or lack of depending on how you look at it) that I receive & our lifestyle, that 2 is just going to have to be our limit. If I were to get pregnant, yes it would be a consequence of having sex & I am aware that it's a risk you take & eventually we would deal with it & work things out in our family... but if I were to find out that it was b/c DH chose to slip off a condom or deliberately deceive me & try to get us pregnant on purpose - I would be pissed. That's a major trust issue.

[nellisfamily02]

Originally Posted by CottonMamma ...but if I were to find out that it was b/c DH chose to slip off a condom or deliberately deceive me & try to get us pregnant on purpose - I would be pissed. That's a major trust issue.

I agree I would be pissed to if it were the other way around, which is why I was glad I didn't feel like I had to go that route. I wouldn't be able to do that, personally, even though the thought crossed my mind.

When I wished her good luck, that was not that I hope she gets preggo behind her husbands back, but good luck to her family that they would be happy with whatever decisions were made. I should have made the comment clearer.

[heidisue]

I'm sorry - I agree with the other mommas. If your DH doesn't want any more then you shouldn't be lying to him that you are on the pill. That is a betrayal of trust... Talk to him about it and show him your point of view, but tricking him into having another kid will be very hard on your marriage - especially if he finds out that you were lying. I wish you luck in convincing him to have another

[rowynne]

I would LOVE to have a 4th, but right now dh is saying no. NO matter how much I want another child, I would never EVER betray my dhs trust & have him think birth control was being used (and properly) if it wasnt! Creating a child should be a choice that 2 people make together, never "accidently on purpose." I could never live with the guilt. I would much rather wait for dh to say, "yes, I want another" than to trick him into it.

[Julesmom23girls]

I am having the opposite issue. DH wants one more and I am ready to be done. Granted I just had our 3rd less than a month ago. I wanted to get my tubes tied but he didn't want me to. I could have easily had it done, since he is deployed right now. I could have told the dr to do it and not told DH, but I chose to respect his feelings to keep the option open. We are ateam and need to decide these things together. I have told him that I am not sure I want another but that I won't do anything permenant yet. And he was ok with that, infact he said that once we decide we are done he will get snipped since I have to give birth to them all and do most of the work. I thought that was a nice gesture.

Ihope you find a way to talk to your DH about your feelings and can find an appropriate compromise.

[Kels5kids]

I understand what everyone is saying about not telling my DH that I am not on the Pill. I have not told him upfront I am not taking it, he has not asked, but I have told him that at anytime I can get pregnant that the pill is not 100%. He has tried to talk me into getting a tubal which i refuse, and he refused to get a Vasectomy. His reason for not having any more kids is our house is not big enough. We have room for 1 more child. I do not keep track with my cycle nor do I use OPTs. I always remind him that I CAN get pregnant.

I understand I need to think about how he feels. That is why I am not actively trying to get pregnant, and why I do not complain about the fact we only have sex once every 6-8 weeks. I hate NOT telling him that I am not on the pill. I have told him over and over again that I do not like taking the pill and have never liked taking the pill due to the fact that it makes me CRAMP and messes up my cycle.

I am seriously thinking about telling DH that I am not taking the pill, but there will be NO sex until I have a tubal or hit menopause.

My feelings are not hurt by nor am I mad at anything anyone has said as I know that when I typed what I did I was putting myself out for other people's opinions.

[CMamma]

Originally Posted by Kels4kids My feelings are not hurt by nor am I mad at anything anyone has said as I know that when I typed what I did I was putting myself out for other people's opinions.

I'm happy to hear that b/c sometimes people aren't as open (including myself) to criticisim or other's opinions when they press submit.

Glad you're okay with hearing other voices here.

I'm also happy to hear that you're considering talking to him more.

GL in whatever you decide.