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Old 07-03-2008, 12:00 PM   #1
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long rant about MIL looking after DS

So DH has stepped out of SAHD-dom to return to work, and since LO is still under a year my MIL has moved in to look after him so he doesn't have to start daycare yet. Yesterday was her first full day with the bub. Monday I worked a half day, Tuesday was a stat holiday.

She knows pretty much how we do things, and she cloth diapered all her boys with flats and pins, so she knows CDs, so I told her only two things:

1. Try to hit around 10 oz a day of breastmilk, that's usually what he eats when he eats on demand, some days a little less and it adds to the freezer stash, some days a little more and it takes from the stash, but if we aim for that everything is good and I can pump that much at work to keep it constant.

2. Change him every 1.5-2 hours on the dot even if the fitted isn't wet yet, or right away with BMs.

In the morning right when we both woke up before I handed him off to MIL so I could get ready for work, I changed him into an eeyore mutt. So I get home yesterday at 5:30, and DH was already home from work so I just assumed that he had changed DS again when he got home, since that's what I usually did when he stayed at home, the second I'd get home I'd ask when was he changed last, and if it had been about an hour I'd change him again. This time I didn't because DH said he got home about half an hour ago and he's good at changing the bub so I just assumed.

So the kids get ready for their bath at around 6:00, and I go to get his diaper off, and it's full of poop (He's still mostly EBF so it doesn't smell, the only way you can tell he pooped is by the fact that he's very vocal while he's doing it and makes all the straining faces)

And he's got a red, raw rash. The only time DS has EVER had a rash is when we had thrush, other then that, he never even has a hint of redness, and we don't even use diaper cream. We just change often.

Like it's bad, like blistery and just raw. And I look in the diaper bin, because I just washed diapers the night before, and there's 2 diapers. The eeyore mutt, and a goodmama. Which means she only changed him twice from 8 am.

And he's crying so bad lunging to nurse, he's so hungry he's almost in a panic, which is unusual for him. Yes usually he's in a hurry to nurse as soon as I get home no matter how much he's eaten that day, because he's just a nurseaholic and it's our bonding time, but he's literally grabbing at me and sobbing, so I ask how much milk he drank that day and she said 5 ounces. Even on the days he eats less he never has gone under 7.

I'm pretty angry, yes she's doing us a favor but I don't need my kid suffering, hungry and rashed because of it. So DH had a long talk with her last night and stressed that she NEEDS to hit the 10 oz mark a day, and needs to change on time, and he's calling her several times throughout the day today to make sure, using a lot of diaper cream and I left her with the few pocket diapers we have left to try and keep the wetness away from the skin so it can heal.

And I'm pretty surprised because usually she's so on the ball.

It's times like this I wish I didn't WOH. Or at least that I could afford for me to WOH and have DH be a SAHD long term. But I go back to school in September so he needs to be working full time.

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Old 07-03-2008, 01:00 PM   #2
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Re: long rant about MIL looking after DS

It's very hard to have new childcare I don't care who it is. She's never going to "do it" like you and DH. It SUCKS that she didn't change the baby as often as she should or feed him properly. I say take a breath and give the old girl a break. I don't get the feeling that there was malacious intent. She's still in her learning curve at her new "job."

I have had MANY babysitter/nannies over the years. I've NEVER had one that I didn't want to fire at least 3x's in the first month.

Be kind to MIL, be kind to yourself and trust that she'll get the hang of it.

(My babysitter cleans the house like she's got a blindfold - it's a process)
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Old 07-03-2008, 01:05 PM   #3
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Re: long rant about MIL looking after DS

Aw mama, that's so hard. My mother is watching my son for the week and since he has a sensitive stomach and gets constipated easily, I told her no rice for today (hard to do since we're Asian). I called her today to ask if she had given DS apples and she had the nerve to tell me that apples makes things worse for constipation! She also refuses to use cloth!

It is hard being a WOHM but think of the advantages...you're being a good role model for your child, showing him that mommies can be mommies and work, and you are also helping to support yoru family so that you can all have the best in life.

(((hugs))) and i hope the rash goes away soon.
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Old 07-03-2008, 01:09 PM   #4
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Re: long rant about MIL looking after DS

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Originally Posted by keonli View Post
I called her today to ask if she had given DS apples and she had the nerve to tell me that apples makes things worse for constipation!
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Old 07-03-2008, 01:12 PM   #5
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Re: long rant about MIL looking after DS

I am being easy on her, I have not said a thing about it, which is why I got DH to, because I know that I might be snappy because I'm just over protective. She's a nice woman, and I know she's trying and just getting into the groove, which is why I let off the steam here and not at her

I just had to get it out, because.. well that's my baby!

(The one good thing she's shown so far, is she is amazing at getting him to sleep. When DH was a SAHD DS would sleep for maybe 20 minute intervals, with MIL, he sleeps for an hour or 2 straight, just like he does with me)
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Old 07-03-2008, 05:39 PM   #6
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Re: long rant about MIL looking after DS

Sorry that DS had to go thru that. I know its even more difficult cuz MIL is family. You have to be sensitive when it comes to confronting family.

I hesitated to have my dad take care of DD because I feared the situation you're describing. Luckily it is working out for me. Pops is very attached to DD and knows all her cues - she had definitely become his fav gkid. (BTW I pay my dad the same amount of money I would pay a nanny in the bay area).

Hope it all works out for you.
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