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Old 06-18-2008, 06:46 PM   #1
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Unhappy The comments are bringing me down...

I've always been a big person - when I was in high school, other people's comments on my weight really bothered me. I starved myself daily and lost a lot of weight. It continued like that throughout high school. I just wasn't eating very much at all. After H.S. I enrolled in a women's program and it really changed my entire outlook about my body image. I was comfortable in my own skin, and I gained my weight back and then some. I was a big girl again, but I was comfortable with that. In fact, I loved my body...

Fast forwarding to now... I've had 3 people in the last month tell me in some way or another that I'm fat. Normally, I wouldn't care if it was any ol' person... But its people who are close to me.
My mom called me "Porky" thinking it was funny, but it really hurt me a lot. My ex told me "you're bigger now than when we first met." And his brother said some other things about my weight that were less than stellar...

But before these comments were made, I was just fine with my weight and I didn't think much of it. I eat fairly healthy and could stand to get out more, but I mean, at least I can admit that. I still love my body, or I thought I did before people started saying this cr@p...

How the heck do you let comments like that roll off your back? Especially if it is someone close to you? I thought I was comfortable in my own skin, but now I am so self conscious again. Why do people have to say mean things? It doesn't make me want to lose weight, it makes me want to disown them for thinking like that. If I'm happy with my appearance and my body, why would someone come along and try and ruin it for me?


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Old 06-18-2008, 07:29 PM   #2
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Re: The comments are bringing me down...


I think no matter what size you are or color or features you have being made fun of is not a good feeling
My brother on occasion will say wow your chunky or you got really heavy after having the kids...
It hurts but I always think that when someone else makes fun of you its because they are lacking/missing something in their lives that you have and so they need to pick on something about you..
such as my 36 yr old brother lives at home with my Mom and isnt married where Im 33 have 2 kids a great house etc.... see where Im getting at??
Dont let it get you down. esp if you eat healthy and are taking good care of yourself THATS what matters
DD#1 5/21/04 ,DS 11/30/06 , DD#2 6/29/10 & 2 Angels
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Old 06-18-2008, 07:32 PM   #3
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Re: The comments are bringing me down...

Ouch! I know how you feel. My little sister once said to me, when I was ordering dessert at a restaurant, "are you SURE you want to do that to yourself?" I told her to F off. Nobody else in my family has had the guts to say anything like that to me, but I sort of made it clear that it was SO not their business! When I started doing more exercise, it was MY choice, and nothing that anyone had ever said to me about it made a bit of difference. And I agree--nagging or making nasty comments is NOT the way to motivate someone.

Hang in there, mama! I think my sister actually had the delusional idea that she was "doing me some good". She's grown up a lot since then... And actually, she married a guy who got her to stop obsessing about trying to be too thin! This was a great and major change for her: when we were in Europe together she basically refused to drink beer in Munich because she'd get fat, refused to eat pastry in Vienna because she'd get fat, etc., etc. Now she's enjoying life a little more and actually looks healthier than when she was being so obsessive. Maybe her old comment was because she couldn't understand why I wasn't obsessing over my weight.

BTW: from the photo on your avi, I think you look great! And it's YOUR business.
Heather, new mom (10/14/08) to a son (our first)! Happily married to my best friend, who waited to become a daddy while I finished grad school.

Last edited by mcbruhn; 06-18-2008 at 07:35 PM.
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Old 06-18-2008, 08:04 PM   #4
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Re: The comments are bringing me down...

I'm SO sry you had to hear such hurtful things. What jerks!

I think the only way to eliminate it (from people who are supposed to LIKE you, no less ) is to let them know w/o a doubt how much it hurts. When someone says something hurtful, LOOK hurt and reply 'Wow. That was one of the most cruel things I've ever heard.' or 'That's an insanely hurtful thing to call your own child.'

I tend to be ironically sarcastic--would only say something like 'Have another slice of cheesecake, why don't you' to someone who works out and is skinny. WOuld only say 'Having a really tough time losing the baby weight, huh?' to someone who lost every stinkin' pound w/in a month or two. KWIM? But to say something that could be interpreted as TRUE--something that anyone in your position would most likely be hurt/offended by? Just wrong. If people don't realize it, you've got to MAKE them realize it.

I'm 99% sure my Mom's going to have some opinions on my weight (I'm actually heavier now than I was shortly after DD was born ) because of all the things she tells me about my sister (who's built bigger than me anyway). Hopefully she'll have the common sense to talk about me behind my back like she does to my sister. If not, she'll definitely hear 'I'd really rather you make comments like that behind my back vs. tearing my heart out w/ just a single sentence.' If not me, who else is going to tell her?
Erika--Cloth Diapering (again!), Extended Breastfeeding, Babywearing, Signing and Delayed/Selective Vaxxing Mama to 7y/o Ramie, 4 y/o Reese and newbie Sebastian
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Old 06-20-2008, 11:08 AM   #5
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Re: The comments are bringing me down...


Your story is VERY similar to mine. VERY similar. Only I lost weight in college and everyone was like WOW!! Nevermind that I was starving myself and puking to get there.

Anyway, these days I have what is for me - a normal weight. I'm 205 lbs.

This is what I know
- there will always be people who have an opinion about something I do
- I have to decide that I love me no matter what
- I live my life the best way and I can and that's that!

I just went from being a WAHM to working on Wall St. where all of the women weight 12oz and dress like divas. I passes a window the other day and told myself "whatever weight, grey hair, sags and bags I have are all mine. I earned them, I own them and this is the best me I can be." This fat belly held 3 beautiful babies I would not trade that for the world.

And if all else fails read a Jennifer Weiner novel and tell those people F YOU! LOL!
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Old 07-03-2008, 07:25 PM   #6
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Re: The comments are bringing me down...

Sorry mama. It always seems like the ones you love say some of the most hurtful things.
Krishna (RN) married to Wesley (01/03)
Momma to Hannah Mae (03/07), Adeline (09/09) & Andrew (02/12)
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Old 07-05-2008, 01:50 AM   #7
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Re: The comments are bringing me down...

My mom and sisters are all teeny, and I was also before having kiddos. I just lost 30 lbs. and my mom was like, oh you're FINALLY getting rid of some of that, maybe you'll look better soon. I was feeling awesome about my weight lose until this. I don't really know how to deal w/ it better than saying straight out that it hurts me. I told my sis that after she said something and now she's always complimenting me, she just didn't realize.
Just be glad that you're not so insecure that you have to demean others.
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Old 07-05-2008, 09:29 PM   #8
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Re: The comments are bringing me down...

Hugs for you mama!!! I dont think you should try to be anything but yourself and if they dont like it that is too bad! I am a bigger mama now and I was small when I got married. Dh has wanted me to lose weight but he hast made a big deal out of it. I am finally to the point where I am losing a little at a time but I am doing it for myself. I know that what they said hurt my mom used to make me feel that way all the time. she always made me feel fat and I wasnt. Their biological dd was smaller than me and I was a size 7-8. I am here for you if you need to talk about things. Having friends even online is always a good thing!
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