Natural and Adopted Siblings

[jewelzbird]

I work with a woman that has three children, one adopted. She said they have always been bonded and siblings in every way. There was one time where one of the biological children was mean and said some comment to hurt the adopted one about not being born in to the family. The little girl told her brother "Yeah they picked me! You they just got stuck with." That type of behavior never happened again after that day. Just a funny story I thought I would share. Not to worry, siblings bond, parents and children bond...and it is not about the biology really.

[FancifulFanny]

I am adopted and my brother is not. There were never any issues about it. We were never overly close but there is over 5 years between us so it's also not like we were ever in school together or anything past elementary. I was just the PITB little sister...and still am. lol

Now as an adult I just tease him that they had to go outside their gene pool to get a good looking kid. Oh, and the family joke is that his daughter used to look so much like me when she was little. People would ask who she looked like and they would just say, Aunt MaryAnn, and laugh. No need to tell people it was impossible.

It just became a part of the patchwork that is our family. It's who we are and we love it.

[kaoh]

Not trying to be a downer, but I think parenting is key with the feeling of family, whether your children are all biological, all adopted, or a blend of both. And its not enough to have good intentions, or to feel that way yourself as a parent. Its important to address your childrens' thoughts and feelings and make them feel as welcome and as much a part of the family as you feel they are.

I think in the case of integrating a family of biological and adopted children, a lot of success comes from parents who are wise to potential issues and do things the right way to belnd a family. I have two older adopted siblings. We are not close. I do consider them my family and honestly it hurts that we are not close. But my sister doesn't get along with my mother, and subsequently cut off all of us. My brother has a lot of problems including serious drug addiction and is very resentful. My parents had good intentions, but good intentions are not enough. They tried but were not equipped to handle kids with the kinds of needs they had. And my mother did a lot of things wrong when it came to integrating our family. Not trying to be a downer but all the talk about how blood doesn't matter is only true IF the family works together to make it so.

Once we adopt we are integrating adopted and biological children into one family. And I am doing all the research I can to do it right. In my heart and in my mind there is no difference between my biological children and the child/children we will adopt. But I am going into this knowing that I will have to do everything I can to make sure my children know this and grow up feeling the same way.