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Old 07-13-2008, 12:47 PM   #1
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How did you choose?

My Dh and I are in teh beginning process (ie,talking) of adopting. He's deployed,so when he gets home,we'll be moving forward,but how in the world did you choose which country to go to? There are just SO many children waiting,each more beautiful than the next,and how do we even know where to go? Just hoping to hear how you made your decision!

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Old 07-13-2008, 10:48 PM   #2
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Re: How did you choose?

I don't know if you've chosen to go international vs. domestic for sure or not, but I'll share how we chose to go with domestic adoption (in the waiting stage now!). We knew that there are lots of babies here (even in our own community) who need a loving home and whose parents choose adoption. That was our first thought. Also figuring into our decision was the travel time if we chose international (taking weeks off work isn't an option for DH at this point) and also travel costs. We wanted an infant if at all possible. We were a little uncomfortable with the unknown medical risks that can be associated with not knowing either parents' medical background, etc. Of course, this could affect us in a domestic adoption as well so is probably a "non-issue." Also, we would really like an open adoption which is much more likely to happen with domestic (from what I can tell, anyway, few international adoptions are truly open). We also have a great agency with an office 20 minutes from our house where we instantly connected with all the key people (attorney, soc. workers) and were hooked from that point on. So--I guess a lot of factors figured into our decision, but those are some of them.

***By the way, I think it's awesome for those of you who choose international adoption as well, that just wasn't the right decision for us.
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Old 07-14-2008, 07:30 AM   #3
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Re: How did you choose?

Well I'll share as much as I can. Some things just felt right without knowing why.. you know?

I guess your first decision is domestic vs international. It's such a different process for each and I think it is something that is so individual that I won't tell you how to decide that. For me, it has always been international.

I have always planned to adopt internationally, and for the last 5 years or so was sure of the country, Ghana.

When hubby and I met, it was right after this fateful decision, when we started discussing long-term plans and marriage, I laid it out for him. I was willing to have bio. kids, but I WAS going to adopt. I understood if he was uncomfortable with this. I did not try and convince him, I didn't want him to make a decision based on information he got from me. Instead, I asked him to do some research, look into it, and until then, we were still "dating"..

When he proposed, I knew he had decided.

We chose west Africa, and Ghana specifically for many reasons. But most of all because we feel it is very important for an internationally adopted(or transracial/cultural) child to be familiar with their history, their culture, and their history, if they so choose it. Because I used to live in Ghana, I speak some of the language, dh and I are involved in our local Ghanaian community and have many Ghanaian friends, we listen to the music, eat the food on a regular basis, and plan to live there for at least a few years in the future.

So for us, it really made sense to adopt from there, because of our involvement in the country and our community here. I also worked at and visited many Ghanaian orphanges/baby homes, and am mostly satisfied or happy about the way they are run, and the environment the children are raised in.

I don't know much about domestic though, because it just wasn't the choice for me, so I can't say much about that! sorry!
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Old 07-15-2008, 01:28 PM   #4
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Re: How did you choose?

I guess we never really even considered interenational... because neither of us has the desire to travel to a different country... esp. where they don't speak English. I just can't even imagine.

We would have maybe considered Guatamalea because it sounded like an easier process with only having to travel 3 days.. but now it sounds like that country isn't taking any new placements. I guess there were too many women dropping off babies they didn't belong to them and/or a switch was made before the baby was picked up. Too bad that things like that happen.... now they require DNA testing twice - once when the baby is reliquished and once when the baby is adopted - but that's for those who were already in the process before the laws changed. (Just talked to a couple last night who are waiting to bring home their son from there... hoping to get him home before he's a year old on Oct. 6th, they've known about him since he was 4 days old!)

Plus, for me it was important to get an infant as close to birth as possible... straight from the hospital if possible. (And that's what we did with both our failed adoption and our current LO).

Most of it has to do with how God leads your heart and what you are willing to do. Some people have a fear of an open adoption - ours is "semi-open" in that we met before the birth and have had one visit after birth and send pictures/letters/DVDs... we have each other's phone numbers, but we really don't talk on the phone anymore. But I like the idea of being able to contact them in case our LO decides she would like to meet them when she's older.
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Old 07-15-2008, 11:21 PM   #5
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Re: How did you choose?

Thanks to those that answered! I think I feel international adoption would be right for us. I just love reading about everyones experiences!
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Old 07-16-2008, 07:13 AM   #6
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Re: How did you choose?

We ended up choosing foster care to adopt because we kept getting doors closed in our face to international countries..ie age (we were in our early 20's), the state we lived in only did certain countries, etc. Foster care was the hardest but the biggest blessing we have experienced. We were able to adopt three children thru foster care and just had our own last month. God has a good sense of humor. Now we have four children ages 4 and under..hahaha! Best of luck to you, the experience of adoption is unexplainable to those who know nothing about it.
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Old 07-16-2008, 09:17 PM   #7
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Re: How did you choose?

For me the biggest thing was considering what type of adoption would work for your own family like a open, closed or semi-open adoption. I would not worry about travel since some countries you don't have to travel you can have your baby escorted to the nearest airport, in the states you still might have to travel too. When you adopt or have ababy the parents usually take off 6 weeks anyways for bonding. Money is always a factor too.


So cool your thinking about adoption!!! Also it does take awhile to adopt especially if you go the nonspecial needs (international) route up to 2 years, the nice thing about it is the fees are spread apart so you don't have to come up with the money right away (I guess it is my way of saying don't wait too long if you plan on a child sooner) it does take awhile. When you get your referral is when you need the country fee and that is the big chunk.

We adopted our DD off the holt waiting child board and from application to her coming home was 7 months! But that is very unusual. When we went to committee for her and we were chosen she was home in 5 months! Hope this doesn't get long and boring for you, but we first were going to go thru China until they told me the looooong wait and I got the HUGE BOOK for the dossier and I was sad to hear it would be years before I held my baby girl. SOOO I talked to a friend who adopted thru korea and she said the paperwork was so easy! I went on the waiting child website under korea and saw my baby girl! 2 other families were interested also, then 1 backed out and 1 still wanted her so the committee meets after talking with you and your hubby and talks about your family and who the child would fit better with. We were choosen, that day I was so happy but so sad for the other family who was told no I tried to put myself in thier place very hard emotional day. I could not imagine how it felt.

Since we didn't have any homestudy andything done the paperwork had to begin!!! We finished our homestudy in 2 months then waited for the immigration approval ect. She finally came home dec 26!

OK off topic

Another thing to remember about international...one thing that is hard to get used to is when your in public a lot of people smile and ask questions. Suddenly your open for discussion when you go to the store. But many times you run into others who adopt so it is really cool to talk with them.
I think it is great you want to adopt and every child needs a home around the globe US or international!
If you have any question please ask I am willing to share anything to feelings to the process. That is all I can think of for right now if you have any ?'s PM me! I don't know much about US more on international.
GOOD LUCK!!!
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Last edited by KOREAadopt; 07-16-2008 at 09:18 PM.
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