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Old 11-04-2006, 08:02 AM   #1
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Parents of teens (older teens)

I am very frustrated right now, as I am supposed to have two roles here apparently - one is to be full time mom to this boy, but I am also supposed to act as step-mom and overlook certain behaviour. The last time DH and I tried to discuss my SS's skipping classes and getting an F in one of his classes, he totally blew up at me. When SS moved in with us over a year ago, it was with the understanding that he would be following the same rules that the other kids do (I have two other stepchildren I have been mom to since their dad and I married). Get at least a C, better if we know you can do it, and no skipping class. We are to know wherever they are at all times, ie if he's going to his girlfriend's we are to know, etc. Well, DH is afraid SS will move back to his mom's if we're to "hard" on him, and he always talks about SS being 18 and "adult" (haha) so subsequently he has had it easy for the past year. The kids notice it, and frankly I'm tired of it. I just got another absence report sent to our email yesterday, saying he skipped again on Thursday.....he's had his driving priviledges reduced to school and back (40 miles a day), no friends over, no going to friends, etc, until he gets his grade to a C and he shows absolutely no skipping. Am I being too hard? He's a senior and has had six unexcused absences so far, if he gets to 9 per semester they start taking off credit. He's supposed to finish his Army advanced training (delayed entry program) next summer, but what is he going to do if he hasn't graduated due to lack of credits??? Parents of teens, any advice for me?

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Old 11-05-2006, 10:16 AM   #2
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Re: Parents of teens (older teens)

I don't think you are being too hard on him. I don't think he needs special treatment. I would treat him as the others and your own are treated. If he is 18 he can be responsible and follow the rules and if he tries that "I'm 18 and I am adult thing"....well I know what I would tell mine...have at it!! I would let them come back once they realized life isn't as easy as they think after they agreed to obey my rukes while in my house. Hope it gets better mama!
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Old 11-05-2006, 02:25 PM   #3
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Re: Parents of teens (older teens)

I have an 18yo too, he's away at college and we love each other so much better with the miles between us
So he's 18, big deal, he's still in school and still needs to follow the rules.
Your Dh is teaching him the rules don't apply to him, I don't think that will fly in the military or with future bosses, he's doing him a great dis service. I'd have taken all driving privilidges away and made him ride the bus. I did that to Ds in his senior year one time (only for one day too). He didn't mess with my driving rules again.
You have to be so much stricter on them at this age, otherwise they fall apart so fast and it's hard to get it all together by the end of the school year, Senior year is too important to screw around.
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Old 11-05-2006, 04:02 PM   #4
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Re: Parents of teens (older teens)

Thanks for your response. I talked to DH after he woke up yesterday (after I read the absence report) and he said "well I think he's getting a good grade in that class"......SO WHAT! The point is that he skipped AGAIN after being specifically told not to do so again. My DH did completely remove his driving priviledges, but now doesn't want to have to get up at 6 to drive him to school (45 minutes one way). I did all the driving last fall when I was pregnant and six days after I had the baby (I didn't even have my staples out, and I was driving nearly 4 hours a day taking kids to and from school), and DH was on the road trucking, I am NOT going to do it again, it's DH's turn to play chauffeur. I think I'm going to have to turn into a hard a$$ and put my foot down as the hubby is just not going to do it, it seems. At times I almost wish he'd never moved in here, as I've had to treat SS with kid gloves, but I know how much this means to my husband, I just feel like the rest of us are getting the shaft.
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