Diaper Swappers

Knittress · 11-13-2006, 08:00 AM

http://www.diaperswappers.com/forum/...hlight=Harvard

There's a link to a Harvard study about CIO/Co-sleeping. If nothing else... maybe a team of researchers from an Ivy League school can convince him.

Kelolsen-and-Padawan · 11-13-2006, 08:02 AM

I changed my reply b/c I didn't want to be *****y.He should have addressed this w/you sooner! I'm editing to add that he really should have talked to you when you were pg! He should expect that if you two had always done things a certain way that you'd continue to do it this way again. I guess I thought he wanted this since you were pg- well,I guess he did,but didn't clue you in. I think you need to tell him that - that he shoudl have addressed this w/ you long before and he can't just expect you to change your philosophies just b/c he has. Its like a couple who gets married and they both do not want children. They planned that together and that was the understanding whenthey got married. then, one decides they want children and is angry at the other for not wanting them. You can't make the other change their mind just b/cyou want them to, KWIM?

the_hubby · 11-13-2006, 11:33 AM

I can't imagine. I am sorry you have to go through that. With our first one, Caedmon, I slept with him on my pillow. I can remember waking up with my arm having no feeling in it what so ever. I think DW (... new term for all you ... dear wife .... please let me know if this abbreviation has already been taken. I do not have all the lingo down yet.

) has pictures of me and the little guy.

Unfortunately, I have lost that ability to sleep lightly. DW has to put a body pillow between us because I don't wake up for anything. However, I do get up with Presley at 5:30 AM or 6:00 AM.

Here's my philosophy. These are my kids. They will only be my kids for a very little while. And to them, I am one of their heroes. I want them to feel like they can come to mommy or daddy for absolutely anything. I want to lavish my love them as much as I can. I celebrate my kids because they are my biggest investment, next to my relationship with God and my marriage.

The same goes for my wife. She's up all night nursing. So, I feel that since these are my kids, I should help out and so I make a date with little Miss Presley Claire every morning.

Granted, there are a few times when I am woken up and am not the happiest of people. Has nothing to do with watching Presley. Just I am not into the being woken up thing.

TwinKristi · 11-13-2006, 11:47 AM

Well I'd probably move to the nursery with my baby instead of forcing a CIO. Dh shouldn't put you in the position to chose that, you're the one feeding & changing at night, why should he even get a say!? I understand not wanting the baby IN your bed, so compromise and get a mini-cosleeper for your bed. If he isn't willing to do that and he's just being a butthead! My dh didn't like the idea of co-sleeping (nor did my mother...) but it works best for me & my newborns. I don't continue into toddlerhood by choice now, they do better OUT of my bed. But as newborns and infants its a lot easier than getting up out of bed, possibly waking other sleeping kids... just bring the baby to the boob and go from there.
Dh & I made the mutual decision around 2-3 mos to put Jacob in the bassinet (in our room) so we could get some sleep! We got a Miracle Blanket and it was great! He slept for 3-4 hrs at a time and we could snuggle again! LOL I stopped BFing at 4 mos so we moved him to his crib in the nursery around that time as well. We didn't have to do much CIO, the MB helped a lot!
Good luck! You have a few mos to work on it!! LOL

escapethevillage · 11-13-2006, 11:47 AM

I would have never coslept with my baby. (because I didn't like it, and my ex would have hurt her)

But, I would NEVER EVER let any child mine or anyone elses, cry themselves to sleep. I hope he changes his mind, because I would want to accomodate my husband (to a point) but this would not even be up for discussion.

Sweetforestcat · 11-13-2006, 11:55 AM

hugs mama. I am in the same boat as you!

wanamingomommy · 11-26-2006, 08:21 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Cadensmommy

We did cry it out but only after Caden was about 3 months old, he does sleep in his bed well and stays there he is a wonderfull sleeper, its not for everyone but it was great for us, he has no brain damege or side effects from it as you know!

We also did the cry it out after ds was a few months old. We did it within reason. We started out letting him cry for 2 min. each night for a few nights. That 2 min. got progressively longer. And, honestly, it only took us a week.
Teaching ds to fall asleep awake on his own was the BEST THING for us. While I agree it's not for everyone, this has taught our son that bedtime is bedtime. Nap times are Rest times; he can take a book to bed w/him.
We will use the same technique, if possible, with dc2 due in March.

Hang in there. My dh and I have become a united front and have decided to compromise together for the betterment of our children. We don't want our children growing up seeing a riff between their parents.

Watercolor Ponies · 11-26-2006, 09:20 AM

I know that this is going to be the most unpopular reply, but we only co slept for about 6 weeks with each of our kids, and then did our own version of CIO after that. My children never were left crying uncontrollably until they finally fell asleep, we let them cry for 5 minutes, then we wnet in and comforted them until the were completely calm, but not asleep. If they started crying after they were put back to bed, they cried for another 5 minutes and we started all over again. If it took all night then it took all night, but it never did. After 3 nights all three of them went to bed happily and willingly. They are not brain damaged, nor do they suffer any ill emotional effects. They are 3 of the brightest, happiest boys that ever were. To suggest that parents in general are causing physical harm or not making a big enough investment in them bcs they are not co sleeping is a farce. If you read the studies that you have posted, they most , if not all, are cases where the parent jsut left the child to his/her own devices to get to sleep, and quite honestly who knows what other emotional needs were not being met in the waking hours of the day with the children being studied. But to lump carefully planned and overseen CIO methods to leaving baby completely alone to cry uncontrollably is just wrong. I take offense to the implication that not sleeping with my children means that I am somehow damaging them physically or emotionally, or that I simply don't care about my kids as much as you all do. Just my

OneFabMama · 11-26-2006, 09:31 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by MamaMer

I know that this is going to be the most unpopular reply, but we only co slept for about 6 weeks with each of our kids, and then did our own version of CIO after that. My children never were left crying uncontrollably until they finally fell asleep, we let them cry for 5 minutes, then we wnet in and comforted them until the were completely calm, but not asleep. If they started crying after they were put back to bed, they cried for another 5 minutes and we started all over again. If it took all night then it took all night, but it never did. After 3 nights all three of them went to bed happily and willingly. They are not brain damaged, nor do they suffer any ill emotional effects. They are 3 of the brightest, happiest boys that ever were. To suggest that parents in general are causing physical harm or not making a big enough investment in them bcs they are not co sleeping is a farce. If you read the studies that you have posted, they most , if not all, are cases where the parent jsut left the child to his/her own devices to get to sleep, and quite honestly who knows what other emotional needs were not being met in the waking hours of the day with the children being studied. But to lump carefully planned and overseen CIO methods to leaving baby completely alone to cry uncontrollably is just wrong. I take offense to the implication that not sleeping with my children means that I am somehow damaging them physically or emotionally, or that I simply don't care about my kids as much as you all do. Just my

I was just thinking the same thing.
I let my DD CIO at 10 months old in her own bed (but still in our room) and she is far from brain damaged.

11-13-2006, 08:00 AM	#31
Knittress Registered Users Join Date: Apr 2006 Posts: 3,754 Ratings: 36 Feedback: 100% My Mood:	Re: DH IS PISSED!!!!! http://www.diaperswappers.com/forum/...hlight=Harvard There's a link to a Harvard study about CIO/Co-sleeping. If nothing else... maybe a team of researchers from an Ivy League school can convince him. __________________ Laura who's loving life Dyeing/Knitting WAHM

11-13-2006, 08:02 AM	#32
Kelolsen-and-Padawan Registered Users Join Date: May 2006 Location: Maine (Brunswick) Posts: 8,362 Ratings: 348 Feedback: 100% My Mood:	Re: DH IS PISSED!!!!! I changed my reply b/c I didn't want to be ***y.He should have addressed this w/you sooner! I'm editing to add that he really should have talked to you when you were pg! He should expect that if you two had always done things a certain way that you'd continue to do it this way again. I guess I thought he wanted this since you were pg- well,I guess he did,but didn't clue you in. I think you need to tell him that - that he shoudl have addressed this w/ you long before and he can't just expect you to change your philosophies just b/c he has. Its like a couple who gets married and they both do not want children. They planned that together and that was the understanding whenthey got married. then, one decides they want children and is angry at the other for not wanting them. You can't make the other change their mind just b/cyou want them to, KWIM? __________________ Kelly, coffee addicted internet junkie married to my navy man Scott, and mama to Ethan 12.25.05 and Lucas 6.10.08 Adorn- nursing/babywearing necklaces, jewelry, beaded watches, and wine charms.** Click me! Last edited by Kelolsen-and-Padawan; 11-13-2006 at 08:06 AM.

11-13-2006, 11:33 AM	#33
the_hubby Registered Users Join Date: Nov 2006 Location: Texas Posts: 169	Re: DH IS PISSED!!!!! I can't imagine. I am sorry you have to go through that. With our first one, Caedmon, I slept with him on my pillow. I can remember waking up with my arm having no feeling in it what so ever. I think DW (... new term for all you ... dear wife .... please let me know if this abbreviation has already been taken. I do not have all the lingo down yet. ) has pictures of me and the little guy. Unfortunately, I have lost that ability to sleep lightly. DW has to put a body pillow between us because I don't wake up for anything. However, I do get up with Presley at 5:30 AM or 6:00 AM. Here's my philosophy. These are my kids. They will only be my kids for a very little while. And to them, I am one of their heroes. I want them to feel like they can come to mommy or daddy for absolutely anything. I want to lavish my love them as much as I can. I celebrate my kids because they are my biggest investment, next to my relationship with God and my marriage. The same goes for my wife. She's up all night nursing. So, I feel that since these are my kids, I should help out and so I make a date with little Miss Presley Claire every morning. Granted, there are a few times when I am woken up and am not the happiest of people. Has nothing to do with watching Presley. Just I am not into the being woken up thing.

11-13-2006, 11:47 AM	#34
TwinKristi Registered Users Join Date: May 2006 Location: Petaluma, CA Posts: 13,748 Ratings: 176 Feedback: 100% My Mood:	Re: DH IS PISSED!!!!! Well I'd probably move to the nursery with my baby instead of forcing a CIO. Dh shouldn't put you in the position to chose that, you're the one feeding & changing at night, why should he even get a say!? I understand not wanting the baby IN your bed, so compromise and get a mini-cosleeper for your bed. If he isn't willing to do that and he's just being a butthead! My dh didn't like the idea of co-sleeping (nor did my mother...) but it works best for me & my newborns. I don't continue into toddlerhood by choice now, they do better OUT of my bed. But as newborns and infants its a lot easier than getting up out of bed, possibly waking other sleeping kids... just bring the baby to the boob and go from there. Dh & I made the mutual decision around 2-3 mos to put Jacob in the bassinet (in our room) so we could get some sleep! We got a Miracle Blanket and it was great! He slept for 3-4 hrs at a time and we could snuggle again! LOL I stopped BFing at 4 mos so we moved him to his crib in the nursery around that time as well. We didn't have to do much CIO, the MB helped a lot! Good luck! You have a few mos to work on it!! LOL __________________ Kristi, Mommy to Josh & Nick (identical twins 6-97) Nathen (3-02), Joey (2-04), Jacob (11-05) & Aaron (12-11) I sell Tupperware! "A person's a person, no matter how small..." Dr Seuss

11-13-2006, 11:47 AM	#35
escapethevillage Registered Users Join Date: Jul 2006 Location: Arizona Posts: 7,124 Ratings: 3 Feedback: 100% My Mood:	Re: DH IS PISSED!!!!! I would have never coslept with my baby. (because I didn't like it, and my ex would have hurt her) But, I would NEVER EVER let any child mine or anyone elses, cry themselves to sleep. I hope he changes his mind, because I would want to accomodate my husband (to a point) but this would not even be up for discussion.