boy problems

[jaseyandmallorysmommy]

I am getting worried about my 4yrs old son. He has always been a very verbal child, a very empathic and sensitive child. There have been two boys his age that I am friends with the mother that have not always been nice to him. Meaning in most cases if these boys (at different times) see Jason wants a certain toy they will withhold it from him, not necessarily take it away from him but hold onto it as they play with other toys and my child will say things like “please can I have a turn” etc. Usually I will step in or the boy’s mother will but sometimes it goes unnoticed. I have always written these incidents off as growing up and plus both boys in question have one or more older siblings and my Jason doesn’t so I just thought that was the reason. Well yesterday we went to a playgroup and the same thing happened with a new boy. This boy also has older siblings but normally a quiet and nice boy. These boys are not taking the toy away but withholding it. Now I try to explain to my child that these boys only do it to get a rise out of him and if he says he is not interested in that toy and walks away the toy will lose its appeal and then my son can get it later. He understands this and will do as I instruct but he fights with his less mature side that really does still actually want the toy. Here is my dilemma I want to teach him that we don’t always get what we want, and sometimes we have to walk away. But my husband says I am raising him to be a push over and setting him up to be bullied. I have always disagreed with him but I am seeing a pattern with this and it is happening with different boys. It hurts my heart to see my son getting bullied and it is happening in a sneaky way because if I am in the room it doesn’t happen but where is the line and how do I teach him to take what he wants but keep the polite sweet innocents? What is he doing (or what am I doing or not doing) to being this out in other children? I want him to be independent but not to the point it is harming him. I think I am doing a good job with him as by comparison he doesn’t tattle like other child his age or even older then him. He is a problem solve better then most but I don’t understand why this same situation is coming up time after time. The other mothers don’t seem to notice but then again it isn’t happening to any other of the children. I don’t know what to do.

[4BoysMom]

I think the other kids need a lesson in "If you are not playing with it you need to let Jason have a turn"s. And maybe Jason in the "If you are not using that toy I would like to play with it"s. No we can't always get what we want (need to wait our turn/some times we can't have what we want because it is too much $$, dangerous etc.) but this is different, the kids are picking on him, it isn't just a patience thing.

[jls~Kain~Drake]

I agree with 4boys. There's no harm in him learning that we don't always get what we want, but I don't think that applies to this situation. It'd be different if he got bent out of shape and went and just knocked a kid over and took the toy...but he's not, the kids are being jerks and keeping a toy in hand, JUST so your son can't play with it. That isn't nice. I'd explain to your son how to politely assertive, like 4 boys suggested. "If you're not going to play with that anymore, I'd like a turn." type of thing.

[jaseyandmallorysmommy]

Thanks you guys I'm still stressing....