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Old 01-07-2007, 07:09 PM   #21
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Re: ppd support thread

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Right now I feel like I hate him. I know I don't, but I am so angry that I feel like I do.

And I have no one nearby that can help me.
Aw, Laura, you poor thing. It took me a long time to get over feeling guilty about sometimes "hating" my now-5-year-old. He's always been a pretty difficult kid, and although of course I always love him, sometimes he makes me so flipping insane, all I can think is 'I hate him I hate him I hate him.' I'm very lucky now to have a few IRL friends that can say it too - funny how just admitting how I feel sort of takes the wind out of my sails, you know? If I can call my friend and say "Justin is making me nuts, I hate him right now," I can go back and deal with him more calmly afterwards. It must be very hard for you not having anyone locally, though, and that's a tough age. I don't have any advice, just sympathy. I hope today was better for you.

As for me - we had a good weekend, but my fuse is SO short, and bedtime is always my downfall. My daughter would not settle for bed, and her crying kept the 3 year old from calming down, so there was a lot of crying and yelling for only about 30 minutes, but it FELT a lot longer, and I just felt so tense and angry and hot. I hate being so angry at such little people. They love me so much, and sometimes it feels like all I can do to act human to them.

I really am glad you started this thread, it's nice to have a place to admit that how I try to act is not always how I feel inside. If that makes any sense at all.

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Old 01-07-2007, 07:33 PM   #22
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Re: ppd support thread

Me again - I'm chatty tonight, huh? I should be folding diapers or doing dishes or something, but here I am, vegetating in front of the TV.

I was just thinking about how I'm kind of struggling lately, and I'm pretty sure I'd qualify as ppd, but I'm torn between trying as hard as I can to "act" normal and wishing someone would notice and wrap me up and take care of me. It seems crazy, I try to maintain appearance, then feel grumpy when people buy it and think everything's okay.

I'm so freaking grouchy right now, hate feeling like this.
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Old 01-07-2007, 08:57 PM   #23
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Re: ppd support thread

:hugs to all the mamas:

I had a bad day today..really snapping at the kids and DH took dd from me earlier I guess he could tell how close I was to screaming. It's just been a bad day in general.

I'm having some chocolate and sitting down for a bit. I hate Mondays and not looking forward to getting up at 5am again for a week.

I am doing my damnedest to stop "retail therapying" it. I want more longies sooooo bad and curtains for the kitchen but I paid all the bills today and we're okay but there's nada extra for awhile. So I'm trying to be good. POOP!

What do you all do for stress relief?? I want to start sewing but am afraid instead of being stress relief that it would cause more stress to learn something new right now.
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Old 01-07-2007, 09:11 PM   #24
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Re: ppd support thread

(((hugs to you all))). I had a major PPP episode when my twins were 3 months old. I actually ended up in th ER. It was really scary. It's been about 9 months and I am finally starting to feel normal. Its taken awhile to get the right combo of meds. I had to wean my girls last week to start a new one It was a really hard decision, but it was worth it. They have a pretty high functioning mama now! I haven't felt this normal in a long time.

I just wanted to share a little bit, and let you all know that it does get better. Hang in there and ask for help when you need it
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Old 01-07-2007, 09:13 PM   #25
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Re: ppd support thread

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What do you all do for stress relief?? I want to start sewing but am afraid instead of being stress relief that it would cause more stress to learn something new right now.
Try knitting! Then you could knit more longies. Knitting is a major stress reliever for me. It can be frustrating at first, but its also really fun and exciting to see that first project take shape.

Try www.knittinghelp.com if you want to give it a shot!
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Old 01-08-2007, 01:49 PM   #26
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Re: ppd support thread

Any activities - like sewing, knitting, beading...all caused more stress for me because the kids would always get into everything and screw me up or make huge messes or break things. Working out is a great stress reliever to me - but it's a matter of having the energy (which I pretty much have to force myself, because I don't feel up to it most of the time) and the kids. It used to only be when the kids were asleep..because my 'baby' would make me hold him the entire time - and although that somewhat intensifies the workout - it totally defeats the idea of doing something for 'me'...kwim? Now, I'm able to workout with them awake (just did it for the 2nd time)...and they either try to join me (which CAN be frustrating when they're right under my feet and I can't move).....but most of the time they'll join me for a second and then go play.
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Old 01-08-2007, 01:56 PM   #27
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Re: ppd support thread

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Originally Posted by debbidala View Post
Me again - I'm chatty tonight, huh? I should be folding diapers or doing dishes or something, but here I am, vegetating in front of the TV.

I was just thinking about how I'm kind of struggling lately, and I'm pretty sure I'd qualify as ppd, but I'm torn between trying as hard as I can to "act" normal and wishing someone would notice and wrap me up and take care of me. It seems crazy, I try to maintain appearance, then feel grumpy when people buy it and think everything's okay.

I'm so freaking grouchy right now, hate feeling like this.
That is me, right now. Not having too bad of a day, but it sure could be better. I just want my life back. I want my brain back. I want my body back. I want my energy/sex drive/appeal, everything, I want it ALL back!!

Classes (college) started today and I really should be reading syllabuses and getting things organized, but instead I am here, too afraid to face anything.
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Old 01-08-2007, 07:39 PM   #28
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Re: ppd support thread

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I'm afraid I might be here more often now. I was put on Zoloft in my third trimester because I have a history of attempted suicide...meaning my chances for PPD and PPP were very high. The Zoloft does wonders. Except I just kind of stopped taking it at one point. I thought I was fine...

Then one night DS decided he just wanted to scream. He didn't want to nurse, be held, be put down...nothing. And DH's favorite thing when DS is upset is to throw him to me and say "Nurse him!" He was not understanding that DS did not want to nurse. And I wanted to throw DS at his head...or worse, up against a wall. So I put him down on the bed and walked away. DH made matters worse by making it into a fight...told me I was leaving my child, ect. It was terrible.

So I went back on Zoloft. I ran out 2 days ago. I still owe my OB/GYN some money for my birth (we planned a UC and ended up in the hospital, so it was a bill we were not expecting). Apparently she's holding my refills hostage until I pay her. So I'm med-free right now and scared to death, especially since DS is teething terribly. So far I'm dealing pretty well, but I made it I think 2 months the first time without my meds before I lost it. *sighs* Hopefully I'll be able to get her paid soon so that I can have my Zoloft back...
Mama! Do they have a health department where you are? GOGOGO! You need to have this under control with your history, I know because I am in the exact same place and I seriously would be in hell without my zoloft. Go to the health dept. and tell them your history and if they can't help you then they can direct you to someone who can. I am worried about you!
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