Do you allow your kids to question you?

[A'smommy]

Depends on the situation. Sure I want my DD to be a critical thinker, but it emergencies, sometimes I need her to just do what I say quickly without analyzing it. I guess the key would be tone of voice. (And yes I am a teacher so I have "teacher voice" sometimes. )

[dirtdartwife]

I guess I'm a bit different. Yes, I don't mind a few questions here and there... but I do expect obedience. They are my children, not my intellectual equals (I'm sorry, but a 6 and 4 year old is NOT) and I don't have enough time in the day to explain why they have to pick up their clothes after I've told them for the bazillionth time. They're just stalling and wasting time. For all of us mama's that have more than one kid, you get one kid questioning.. the rest follow suit and then you're sitting there trying to reason and explain for the next five hours with a bunch of 3-6yr olds. kwim?

But I think what the OP is getting at is general questions that really can lead to an educational learning moment... not the standard "Sonny, please stop watching TV and get busy on your homework." and then allowing the child to question "why." I think for most kids that are in this stage, the question is rhetorical and they know it. But if they are to ask a question as to why I told them to not mix the bleach with ammonia when I told them to clean the bathroom... then that's fine. That's a teaching moment.

Otherwise, if I tell my kids to clean their room, then I don't want to be questioned, I want them to get'r'dun.

[shell015]

Originally Posted by Tiffer23 Respectfully question, sure! How else will they learn? I think it helps teach them to think for themselves. Rudely, sarcastically question- no. That is disrespectful.

I agree

Sometimes DSD will give me these questiony sarcastic (sent straight from her mother) looks and I get her immediately... But if it's something like I tell her that she can't get out her playdoh when the neighbors kids are over and she looks at me in a "nice" questiony look I explain that they are younger kids and aren't as responsible as her kinda thing.

[KaleidoscopeEyes]

I think it's fine to question, annoying at times but I can understand why they would want to know. As an adult I often question. My inlaws think that it's wrong that I allow that and say that I am his parent and he should do what I say when I say it and not ask. I'm all "whatever"

[libranbutterfly]

How else would they learn? They have to be able to think for themselves and form their own opinions. However I would not let them ask sarcastic questions, because DH annoys me doing that.

[KnottyLDSMama]

I haven't read all of the responses, but I have a sad story about this. My mother did not allow me to question anything. Often things were the way they were because "I'm the mother" or because "I said so." I still have ideas about life and I will say something to DH and he will ask me why I think that way and the only answer I can come up with is "because that's how it's supposed to be." I HATE it. I hate that that evil woman has me hard-wired this way and that it's taking a LOT to change it.

I will encourage my child to question EVERYTHING. And the first time he questions his grandma and she says "Because I said so", she will never see my son again.

[jessmomto3]

guess I'm a bit different. Yes, I don't mind a few questions here and there... but I do expect obedience. They are my children, not my intellectual equals (I'm sorry, but a 6 and 4 year old is NOT) and I don't have enough time in the day to explain why they have to pick up their clothes after I've told them for the bazillionth time. They're just stalling and wasting time. For all of us mama's that have more than one kid, you get one kid questioning.. the rest follow suit and then you're sitting there trying to reason and explain for the next five hours with a bunch of 3-6yr olds. kwim?

But if they are to ask a question as to why I told them to not mix the bleach with ammonia when I told them to clean the bathroom... then that's fine. That's a teaching moment.

Otherwise, if I tell my kids to clean their room, then I don't want to be questioned, I want them to get'r'dun.

I feel that way too mostly. I mean they can question something with other adults who arent their parents like if someone is trying to hurt them etc. but I dont want them to question me as their parent for every single little thing unless its super important.the cleaning their room or trashing the place and then they ask me why they have to clean it...after the millionth time they know that its not the way things should be and if they do it they know what they are supposed to do, just clean it up.

[twinsmomkatie]

Originally Posted by ocfb16 I guess I feel differently about this. I think my dc should obey me withOUT questioning me. However, after they have listened to me and done what I have asked, I would def be okay and would even like them coming and asking me why. Here is my reasoning for this thought. Children cannot grasp the concept of cause and effect for quite some time. If we were walking somewhere and my dc ran into the road, I should be able to say "XXX get out of the road..." and they should respond immediately. If they were young enough they would have no idea that a car could hit them and kill them, and even if I told them before they may not grasp it. If they were always allowed to ask "why" first, then they would still be in the road saying "Why mommy?" and then who knows what could happen. So I am trying to prepare my child to always obey first and ask questions later. Hope that made some sense.

I think there are two different issues here . . . questioning ME as a parent or questioning a SITUATION in life.

I do think that letting them question me at home and letting them question another adult in a different setting should also be treated differently.

ETA: They are allowed and encouraged to ask me questions; they are not allowed to question me. KWIM?

[Proverbs169]

I think it depends a lot more on the attitde than the actual question itself. As long as it's done in a respectful manner, I have no problem whatsoever with my children questioning me. They need to know that I care about their opinions and that they count in our family.

That said, I used to be a teacher and often saw children talk to their parents in ways I will NEVER let my child talk to me. They deserve respect, but I do, too, and my kids will know that.