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Old 03-03-2009, 09:51 AM   #111
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Re: grrr.... I want to SPANK my kids!!! updated op. still looking for advice- thank

I am sure all parents get frustrated. We are all human.

It's not ok to hit ANYONE at ANYTIME. Not ever. End of story.

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Old 03-03-2009, 09:58 AM   #112
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Re: grrr.... I want to SPANK my kids!!! updated op. still looking for advice- thank

How are you doing your time outs? Are you talking through them? If so, that's counter-productive. I watch my husband do it and shake my head every time. I guess he'll just never learn. And our daughter will come out of time out. 'Cause she knows she can engage him in a struggle. Not with me. If she comes out, I put her back, in silence. I don't have nearly the struggles that he does.

She is 3 (as of late October).

With your older child, have you asked him if there is anything he is angry or upset about? I started asking my daughter about 2 weeks ago and, to my surprise, she said yes. She's angry about me going to work. So, she acts up out of anger. I've put a calendar up on the refrigerator and circled the days I am at home to help her see that I'm not at work every single day although it may feel like it. And when I have my long weekends, every other week, the struggles are a bit greater because she resents my returning to work after having had an extra day with me. We're working through it, though.

I would imagine that your younger child is feeding off of the energy of your older child. If you can figure out what is underlying his behavior, it may result in more peace for your whole family.

Also, I'm angy about some things in my life right now and dd is definitely picking up on that and expressing it. So, the sooner I get that under control, the more peaceful our home will be.
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Old 03-03-2009, 10:07 AM   #113
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Re: grrr.... I want to SPANK my kids!!! updated op. still looking for advice- thank

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Originally Posted by House of Blue View Post
I've known people who were spanked (either a little or a lot) and are horribly effected by it, I know others that are impartial about it. I think spanking done "right" is a hard parenting/discipline technique to achieve because of all the variables that are involved in an emotional & stressful situation. It's not easy to dole out physical punishment with your emotion removed when you're at the point where you feel need to spank.

Really though, When you know better, you really should do better. There isn't anything anyone could tell me that could convince me spanking is an ideal thing to do in any situation. It's the white bread of parenting. There are other options out there that resemble a homemade, whole grain, flax seed kind of bread I really do understand why people would spank and no I don't think it's the earth shattering abuse some may think it is... But it's definitely the lesser of many, many options.
The above bolded red describes me. My parents didn't beat me but they did spank me daily with their hand,belt,switch,paddle,slipper,hair brush etc.
My dad was of the mind a spanking a day(whether I needed it or not) would teach me to always behave). So that is why I have an issue with spanking. I seriously cringe and go back to my childhood when I see another child being spanked.
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Old 03-03-2009, 08:01 PM   #114
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Re: grrr.... I want to SPANK my kids!!! updated op. still looking for advice- thank

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I'm not spinning anything anymore than you are.

By spanking my child, I am not using my size to intimidate him. I'm sorry if you were so sensitive as a child that the spanking you received scarred you for life. I was spanked too and I'm just fine.

I don't walk around spanking my child all day. I hardly do it at all actually. It's last resort.

I'm not judging your parenting style, so don't judge mine. I'm not hurting my child. You parent your way, I'll parent mine. Check back with me in 15 years and I'll let you know how his emotional well being is.

Parents who spank aren't child abusers. I loved the words you choose to make us seem so, 'hurting', 'assaulting', 'intimidating', 'humiliating'. I'm a mom too, you know. You should really think of how you say things.
It seems that you should think of how you say things as well...
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Old 03-11-2009, 09:01 PM   #115
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Re: grrr.... I want to SPANK my kids!!! updated op. still looking for advice- thank

I think it might be more helpful to know what worked for you (a grown adult) when your parents were raising you.

Some of the mamas on here may be following the example set by their parents, or may be strongly going the other direction. Maybe there were even cases of abusive (alcoholic) parents that have left emotional scars on some mamas.

May I suggest that you consider another educational setting. Would it be at all possible to enroll your child in a charter/private/parochial school next year? Or if you are a SAHM/WAHM would you ever consider homeschooling? Even just until middle school.

The people who are around your child have a large impact on the behavior, so I would strive to surround him/her with people that are loving, caring, and speak kindly, not those who would reinforce the back talking and disobedience.

I don't mean to say that your child needs to live in a protected bubble, just to do what is in your means to protect the heart.
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