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Old 01-21-2007, 05:38 PM   #11
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Re: Non-spankers (could also go with ppd...)

We are all going to do things with our children that we are not proud of from time to time. It's part of parenting. The good thing is to realize that spanking is not what you want to do and be concious about your decision. Based on your past you probably will slip up from time to time but I'm sure your child feels the love you give and will ultimately forgive you. Remember "Don't smack, step back" *Supper Nanny Keep up the good work mama We all make mistakes. Just keep loving and that's what your baby will remember.


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Old 01-21-2007, 05:53 PM   #12
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Re: Non-spankers (could also go with ppd...)

When I am hurt, I have a tendancy to want to "hurt" back without thinking, too. I'm not sure why because I wasn't spanked, or hit, as a child. I did have a lot of other issues I dealt with as a child, and was a very angry person for a long time. Anger is still my biggest downfall, so that's probably why I want to hurt back-revenge from anger. One time my Mom smacked my mouth, but I was 13 and called her "the B word", so I totally deserved that! But there have been times where, usually when they were babies, my kids have bitten, or pinched or something, and my instinct was to hit back-even though I haven't. The first time Emily bit me, she was probably 15 months old, I did start to reach out to smack her and then freaked out for reacting that way. I can totally relate.

Anyway, don't beat yourself up over it too much. I think some people just have different wiring in how they react to what happens to them. Just be concious of it now that you know it's there and I doubt you will have to struggle with it very often.

Last edited by tararaboomdeea; 01-21-2007 at 06:14 PM.
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Old 01-21-2007, 06:03 PM   #13
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Re: Non-spankers (could also go with ppd...)

Ditto all of this. I was never hit with anything but an open hand and i still sting with rage from the humiliation and hatred. I still have dreams where i am a child fanatising revenge...(which is how i know anyone who hits is kidding themself...b/c i had really 'good' parents by pretty much any measure...) I have a ds who is 4.5 so i am a bit further down the parenting road. Here is what i did that has helped me to never spank ds except once (i did it too, after he hit me on the face when he was was a reflex...and i still hate myself.)

YOU MUST READ READ READ ABOUT POSITIVE DISCIPLINE. You must FILL THAT PARENTING TOOL BOX with ALTERNATIVES. I really believe that people who spank do it b/c they think there is no other alternative (i HAVE to believe that, b/c why else would you hit your kid unless you really believed there was no other way.) There is a fabulous website that has some great references to books and etc. I recommend the book The Natural Child as well as the Positive Discipline books by Neilsen. I read read and reread these. They 'fill your tank' with motivation to do better than your parents did...and the biggest surprise is that in the process you can heal your own emotionally battered inner child.

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Last edited by sienna; 01-21-2007 at 06:05 PM.
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Old 01-21-2007, 10:30 PM   #14
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Re: Non-spankers (could also go with ppd...)

Bravo Sienna, I couldn't have said it better. I was also hit, slapped and whipped with the belt. I watched my brother get much worse then I and I was the one cleaning him up afterward (he was 16 I was 8). I am wired to hit, I feel rage when my children don't listen to me. However, before my DD was born, I knew I never wanted to repeat that for my future children. I read all kinds of parenting books (Positive Effectiveness Training, How to listen so your kids will talk, how to talk so your kids will listen). It is REALLY hard mama. The first thing I want to do is hit, but I don't. I am in social work and work with kids in residential placements. I have learned a lot of good coping skills and it helps me be a good parent. My DF understands what I went through and won't spank either. I have slipped up maybe 2-3 times. I regret it and learn from it. I remove myself when I get too angry. It does get better. My DD is now 8 1/2 and my DS is almost 3. I feel proud of myself. I am the only child in my family of 4, that doesn't loose their temper, yell, hit, and break down their children. I wish my brothers would get it together, one now hits his wife as well. I can't be around them for very long cause their intense temper upsets me so.

Hang in there mama, it will get better, read, read, read and learn how to react in a calm manner when your body/head is yelling "Hit". It takes a strong person to examine how they were raised and not blindly do the same thing cause "I turned out ok". I turned out ok also, but felt horrible about myself and hated my parents when they hit me... I don't want my kids to fear me. I can't teach them to love others and not hurt, if I am hitting them.
Jen, Wife to my army man, mom to 4 Kidlets
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