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Old 03-18-2009, 05:24 PM   #21
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Wink Re: Does it annoy you?

I think that it is just that then. Most people do not realize what goes into fertillity treatments and are not seeing or feeling the question like you do. Thru a filter of your experiences and insecurities about the process. If it were me I would be like "hey, these kids are miracles, I waited along time and would do anything to have them" It would open more people to the frustration infertility causes. They are not intending to hurt you. I think it is genuine curiosity (for most)? And it is relavent how you got your multiples to some people. We are all part of the human family and it is fascinating to see the way science has changed this baby making process. If it were me I would let people know how I feel about it and it might help change some of the perceptions of fertility treatments. I for one have 25 year old cousins who are fertility triplets and it was far less common back then. People didn't even think to ask then, prolly... don't know cause I was 4! Really, there is sooo much of it going on in the news many people assume now that most multiples are and well alot.... are. While I agree at the end of the day you could say it is nobody's bussiness, at the same time it is everybody's bussiness. We all have the right to our curiosity, and you have the right to answer however you wish.

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Old 03-18-2009, 09:16 PM   #22
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Re: Does it annoy you?

I understand that people have the right to ask, but I still have the right to get tired of what I consider to be a personal question. It's a personal question to me because the things you undergo in fertility treatments are, well, not so pleasant. I had countless vaginal ultrasounds and nightly shots, among other things. Those were really difficult for me to undergo and I don't like talking about them with strangers, and I've noticed if I say yes, my kids are the results of fertility treatments, they don't just stop there.

It's also personal to me because I feel judged for undergoing fertility treatments, like my twins aren't legitimate because they didn't occur spontaneously. I'm not at all ashamed of them and I hate for people to respond negatively. That's why I'd rather not be asked at all.
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Old 03-18-2009, 09:30 PM   #23
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Re: Does it annoy you?

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Originally Posted by naykeewabbits View Post
I think that it is just that then. Most people do not realize what goes into fertillity treatments and are not seeing or feeling the question like you do. Thru a filter of your experiences and insecurities about the process. If it were me I would be like "hey, these kids are miracles, I waited along time and would do anything to have them" It would open more people to the frustration infertility causes. They are not intending to hurt you. I think it is genuine curiosity (for most)? And it is relavent how you got your multiples to some people. We are all part of the human family and it is fascinating to see the way science has changed this baby making process. If it were me I would let people know how I feel about it and it might help change some of the perceptions of fertility treatments. I for one have 25 year old cousins who are fertility triplets and it was far less common back then. People didn't even think to ask then, prolly... don't know cause I was 4! Really, there is sooo much of it going on in the news many people assume now that most multiples are and well alot.... are. While I agree at the end of the day you could say it is nobody's bussiness, at the same time it is everybody's bussiness. We all have the right to our curiosity, and you have the right to answer however you wish.
Yes, I have experienced infertility treatments, but I am not in anyway insecure about it. We just think it is a private issue. We did not even tell our parents until we were 18 months into the process. We waited two years to tell our siblings. I am not ashamed, I am private and it is a personal matter. It would be like me asking you, "what position did you use to conceive your child?" While people might be curious, it is personal, and not appropriate.

I don't see how it could be a relevant question for anyone. And, while you are right that there has been a lot of information in the news lately, it has been pretty negative. I think people look at me sometimes trying to figure out if I have the same attitude as octomom.
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Old 03-18-2009, 10:02 PM   #24
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Re: Does it annoy you?

That question really used to drive me crazy. I got pregnant at 19. Do you really think that I did fertility stuff? I wasn't married, lived in the dorms and was (and still am!) in college. I mean, really people. Use your brain before you open your mouth.
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Old 03-18-2009, 10:11 PM   #25
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Re: Does it annoy you?

My twins are 12 years old and I have never been asked. The answer is no BTW.
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Old 03-19-2009, 09:04 AM   #26
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Re: Does it annoy you?

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That question really used to drive me crazy. I got pregnant at 19. Do you really think that I did fertility stuff? I wasn't married, lived in the dorms and was (and still am!) in college. I mean, really people. Use your brain before you open your mouth.
I totally agree with your "use your brain point" but then again... octomom did have 6 very young children when she used such extreme fertility treatments. really she is making the whole process look wreckless.
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Old 03-19-2009, 10:37 AM   #27
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Re: Does it annoy you?

I have just skimmed through some of the more recent responses but I just wanted to add that disclosure of IF and treatments is completely personal and there is not a right or wrong way to feel about being asked about it. I do believe it is personal- but some people are more open about sharing personal information than others. I know people who were completely open about IF and others who told almost no one. It has to be what works for the individual/couple.

In my personal opinion- just because someone had multiples does not give others the right to know how they were conceived. I am quite sure they do not walk up to mothers of singletons asking what positions they tried and how many times they tried before they got pregnant. Even if they mean no harm- it is inappropriate in my opinion.

My mom has been getting pressed by her friends and when she says they are natural they don't believe her and press her again. WTH? Do these people really think I would then want to share anything so personal as IF with them after they were being nosy like that? I agree with a pp- why can't people just be happy for us?

Just thought I'd add my
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Old 03-19-2009, 01:14 PM   #28
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Re: Does it annoy you?

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Originally Posted by twolittlebirds View Post
I understand that people have the right to ask, but I still have the right to get tired of what I consider to be a personal question. It's a personal question to me because the things you undergo in fertility treatments are, well, not so pleasant. I had countless vaginal ultrasounds and nightly shots, among other things. Those were really difficult for me to undergo and I don't like talking about them with strangers, and I've noticed if I say yes, my kids are the results of fertility treatments, they don't just stop there.

It's also personal to me because I feel judged for undergoing fertility treatments, like my twins aren't legitimate because they didn't occur spontaneously. I'm not at all ashamed of them and I hate for people to respond negatively. That's why I'd rather not be asked at all.
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Old 03-19-2009, 05:26 PM   #29
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Re: Does it annoy you?

I did not use fertility treatments, but am still annoyed by the question. It is not a stranger's business. And it does seem like they are asking because of, like other moms said, "natural" twins are more special or something.

Another question I got A LOT when I was pregnant, and afterwards also, was "Are you going to/Did you have a c-section?" (No.)

I just want to say, listen people.. what happens with my vagina, stays with my vagina.
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Old 03-20-2009, 10:56 AM   #30
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Re: Does it annoy you?

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Another question I got A LOT when I was pregnant, and afterwards also, was "Are you going to/Did you have a c-section?" (No.)
I got that one a lot too. That one really bugged me too. I think it's just because I've had two VERY traumatic births that I just don't want to constantly rehash and most people can't imagine CS's to be traumatic for some women.
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