Reply Hey Mom! Learn more about the Gerber Life Insurance Grow-Up Plan!
 
Thread Tools Display Modes
Old 01-24-2007, 12:21 PM   #1
Mommy2Nick&Luke's Avatar
Mommy2Nick&Luke
Registered Users
 
Join Date: May 2006
Location: minnesota
Posts: 951
My Mood:
Red face Terrible 2's and expecting baby in april

ok my 2 and half year old has taken a turn for the worse he dosnt want to listen to me when its just me and him and hes been hitting my tummy ect but at nite time and stuff when daddys home and everyoen else hes all lovey dovey anyone have this happen when they were having baby #2? i dont know what to do i dont want to be mean and spank him for smeothing he dont understand yet....hes starting to relize and its just hard hes also potty traning and going to school its so tuff on him to understand all thats going on an dwe moved and we had to get rid of his puppy so hmm no idea how to know whats going on in his lil mind.....he talks but he dont know about how to tell me stuff yet...any advice? i spend every waking moment with him when im not working so he dont feel left out....hes the only baby in the house and im worried hes gonna freak when baby gets here and is getting all the attention!?

Advertisement

__________________
~Nicole
Proud Breastfeeding, Co-sleeping, Babywearing, Cloth Diapering, Vaxing, Circumsizing Mommy to Nick (7-13-04) & Luke (4-02-07) Arachnoid Cyst Fighter.
Mommy2Nick&Luke is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 01-24-2007, 02:30 PM   #2
A'smommy's Avatar
A'smommy
Registered Users
 
Join Date: Jul 2006
Location: Texas
Posts: 981
Re: Terrible 2's and expecting baby in april

Sounds like he might be jealous...did you have to get rid of the dog because you're expecting again?

I only have one DD (21 mos.) but she is jealous when she sees me hug or kiss her daddy. Sometimes she'll worm in between us and say, "No!" but she's never hit either one of us while we're hugging. (She also shrieks when we hold hands. ) If she did hit I would just tell her, "No, we don't hit," and put her in time out. IMO it's normal for the kids to feel jealous but it's not OK for them to take out their frustration by hitting.

GL!
__________________
Karen, SAHM to Annika (4/05)
A'smommy is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 01-24-2007, 02:35 PM   #3
Kimmomy2dom
Mmmm Saucers eating chocolate
seller
 
Join Date: Apr 2006
Location: I'm halfway across the country, but weirdos have a way of teleporting!
Posts: 9,575
My Mood:
Re: Terrible 2's and expecting baby in april

Mine's 27 months and very good as misbehaving, LOL. We have 5 month-old twin girls and all I can do is tell you you'll manage. Wait 'til you get there and see what works best for you. He will survive as will everyone else. I also think as time goes on and you help him out he can find new ways to deal with his jealousy. This age will pass!
Kimmomy2dom is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 01-24-2007, 03:10 PM   #4
Driverdog's Avatar
Driverdog
Registered Users
 
Join Date: Nov 2006
Location: Bellingham, WA
Posts: 59
Re: Terrible 2's and expecting baby in april

I'm also the mother of a 2 year old (2 and 3 mos.) and expecting #2 at the end of March... sounds like we're in the same boat. A friend recommended a fantastic book that I read and loved. I'd highly recommend it to you, because it addresses all the issues you are mentioning. It's called Siblings Without Rivalry, forget who the author is. But, it's really helpful to prepare yourself and your son for this transition and also have some tools on how to help your son work through his feelings.

It sounds like he has a lot on his plate right now, with all the changes going on in his life. That alone can cause a 2 yr old to act out. But, if he's hearing about the new baby (which he probably is), he could be also taking out his frustrations about that. However, hitting you or others should be a very big no no and I'd be very firm on that. Maybe give him ideas on how he could act out his frustrations in better ways, ie: hit a pillow, stomp his feet, growl, run in circles...etc. That's one of the hardest things at that age, is learning how to constructively deal with feelings of anger and frustration. After all, we all feel like that in our lives, but as adults, hopefully we have already learned coping mechanisms.

Read the book. It's very GOOD.

Good luck!
__________________
Staying home with my DD and DS and loving it!:
Driverdog is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 01-24-2007, 03:33 PM   #5
Trishalynn's Avatar
Trishalynn
Banned
seller
 
Join Date: Apr 2006
Location: Manitoba Canada!!
Posts: 1,290
My Mood:
Re: Terrible 2's and expecting baby in april

If you think the 2's are terrible just wait for the 3's!!! lol

I have a dd who just turned three and an 8 month old so I know where you're at! I'm a big believer in you speak things into your kids lives, I know I was worried about dd1 being really jealous and mean to her baby sister and having a hard time, but instead I started saying, no she's going to do fine with the new baby, she'll love her! We started talking lots about the baby and she'd help me get some things ready for baby (basically she just folded her laundry lol which I redid after she left lol) We also told her things like, "you're going to be the best big sister in the whole world" "babies are so fun and cute", She also likes helping so I also told her she could help me with the baby!!

And she was awesome when dd2 was born, she loved her right away every once in a while she gets jealous of the attention not being on her, but she just comes for a hug and she's fine. She loves her sister to death!! They have a great relationship!! BTW the now 3 year old thinks she's a better mom then me lol. Every time dd2 cries she tells me "give baby mom, I do it" little bum and if I pass dd2 to her the little bum stops crying and smiles at her sister lol.

so my advice would just be to speak positively into his life about how good he's going to be and how good he is! Let him help make minor decisions (like buying an outfit he likes for the baby) so that he feels he has a part in this too!!
Trishalynn is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 01-24-2007, 08:15 PM   #6
Mommy2Nick&Luke's Avatar
Mommy2Nick&Luke
Registered Users
 
Join Date: May 2006
Location: minnesota
Posts: 951
My Mood:
Re: Terrible 2's and expecting baby in april

thanks mamas.....we have had a lot of hard times lately we had to get rid of his puppy due to moving to a place that didnt accept dogs...but hes got his cat that hes had since he was born they were born 2 days apart! and are inseprible! hes around a baby alot my brother just had a baby well his gf lol shes 2 months and when hes up at my moms he gets to see her so about every week he gets to see baby.....hes doing ok with his brother coming hes always very sensier and stuff about baby...we all tell him hes gonna be a big brother hes even started to carry around a stuffed teddy and say its his baby and he dresses it and diapers it and stuff its adorable....he even kisses my tummy and is all nice nice lol he even pulls down my shirt if it goes up and says cover baby hes cold lol.....he just started to talk recently hes got speach delay so i think that has part to do with all this.....and me and dad both had problems learning in school but are doing great now i have improved alot and hubby has done great we are great parents everyone in my family said im doing better than they thought i ever would which is a big pluz to me! makes me happy hes getting better! i think its just going to take a lil longer.....thanks on the advice! i will keep u updated!
__________________
~Nicole
Proud Breastfeeding, Co-sleeping, Babywearing, Cloth Diapering, Vaxing, Circumsizing Mommy to Nick (7-13-04) & Luke (4-02-07) Arachnoid Cyst Fighter.
Mommy2Nick&Luke is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 01-25-2007, 08:45 AM   #7
aept's Avatar
aept
Registered Users
seller
 
Join Date: Jul 2006
Location: upstate NY
Posts: 1,598
My Mood:
Re: Terrible 2's and expecting baby in april

It's VERY common for kids with a speech delay to "act up" or hit due to frustration with not being able toexpress their thoughts.
__________________
Ann, Mommy to 3 beautiful, boisterous boys:
Liam - 6 1/2, Emmett - 4, almost 5
and Callan - 22 months
aept is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 01-25-2007, 06:02 PM   #8
snowbird25ca's Avatar
snowbird25ca
Registered Users
seller
 
Join Date: May 2006
Location: Alberta, Canada
Posts: 521
My Mood:
Re: Terrible 2's and expecting baby in april

I have a 2.5yr old too and we've had some rough patches when I first came home from hospital with ds and dh went back to work. I think it was really all a result from me being on bedrest at home, and then gone at the hospital for 3wks.... she was needing extra mommy time.

I haven't read all the other replies, but what worked for us was a few things - time outs as a consequence when she wasn't listening and being consistent. No exceptions. Some things got warnings - like throwing toys, others got her sent straight to time out - like hitting.

I also worked with her helping to identify her feelings... making statements like "I know you're feeling frustrated (or angry, sad, left out, fill in the blank...) right now, but (insert whatever explanation you need here.) She'd usually turn around and say no, mommy angry and I'd ask her why is mommy angry and then indirectly I'd figure out what was going on. As she became more verbal, the outbursts decreased an incredible amount.

It sounds to me like your ds is going through the double whammy of change and the terrible 2's - aka the frustration of knowing what he wants but not being able to put into words what's going on. My suggestion would be to get something really regular into his daily routine - maybe story time on the couch for 30mins every night with the TV off and lots of cuddles. Also, consider that maybe the combo of preschool and daycare is too much and just send him to daycare during the day. Kids don't handle change all that well, and if he's feeling stressed from everything else than keeping things as stable as possible will help him.

Honestly I think he's feeling insecure with all the changes and needs some extra mommy attention to help center him while he adjusts. I think it's important to be clear about not hitting and that kind of thing, but try to remember that he's got some need that he's trying to communicate to you and that he's not doing it simply to try and hurt. No, hitting isn't acceptable, but if you can find the root cause, it'll stop the hitting. In the meantime I'd find a non-violent way to reprimand for hitting - by that I mean don't spank or hit back or smack him because it sends conflicting messages.

Is there a way you can involve him in preparing for the baby? If you have to buy clothes, let him pick out an outfit... let him help wash up the baby clothes and put them away. No, they won't end up in the right places or just the way you like them, but he'll feel like he's important and contributing and it'll help build a sense of independence. Also talk about being a big brother... how his little sibling will look up to him. Talk about him as a baby and what he like to do.. how he used to ride in the baby's car seat or sit in the swing or bouncy chair. Talk about how the baby will have mommy milk just like he did (if you're planning to bf.) The more included he feels, the less threatened he'll be when baby arrives.

And remember the magic words - "This too shall pass." It's awful when you see just how awful our sweet little kids can act, but that bad behavior can change almost overnight and your sweet little boy will be back. My dd has always been really good with ds, but now we're also seeing the tantrums change and get a lot less frequent and less intense when they do happen. And she listens much better. I think she started the whole terrible 2 tantrums earlier than most though...
__________________
Trudy - Wife to Keith & mommy to Jillian and Jonas.
Canadian Children Restraint Systems Technician Instructor
Ebay Feedback
snowbird25ca is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 01-25-2007, 07:13 PM   #9
Mommy2Nick&Luke's Avatar
Mommy2Nick&Luke
Registered Users
 
Join Date: May 2006
Location: minnesota
Posts: 951
My Mood:
Re: Terrible 2's and expecting baby in april

Trudy...hope i spelled that right lol thanks a lot for the info and advice...hes doing better hes very very involved in getting ready for baby...i involve him in doing the clothes and all that he even gets to see a baby at least once a week...he dosnt go to day care so thats not a problem hes at home hes only been in daycare once and that was a long time ago and will never go back to a daycare! lol i would prefer to have him home he only goes to school once a week and thats been going on for a bout 6months now...which he loves that....and then therapy on fridays...... but thanks again!! i am so aginst hitting unless he does something bad that he knows is wrong hes getting better and better now that hes back on a daily rutien he missed school for like 3 weeks due to him being sick and stuff so now its getting back to normal and i think thats helping him get back to what hes used to......thanks again
nicole


Quote:
Originally Posted by snowbird25ca View Post
I have a 2.5yr old too and we've had some rough patches when I first came home from hospital with ds and dh went back to work. I think it was really all a result from me being on bedrest at home, and then gone at the hospital for 3wks.... she was needing extra mommy time.

I haven't read all the other replies, but what worked for us was a few things - time outs as a consequence when she wasn't listening and being consistent. No exceptions. Some things got warnings - like throwing toys, others got her sent straight to time out - like hitting.

I also worked with her helping to identify her feelings... making statements like "I know you're feeling frustrated (or angry, sad, left out, fill in the blank...) right now, but (insert whatever explanation you need here.) She'd usually turn around and say no, mommy angry and I'd ask her why is mommy angry and then indirectly I'd figure out what was going on. As she became more verbal, the outbursts decreased an incredible amount.

It sounds to me like your ds is going through the double whammy of change and the terrible 2's - aka the frustration of knowing what he wants but not being able to put into words what's going on. My suggestion would be to get something really regular into his daily routine - maybe story time on the couch for 30mins every night with the TV off and lots of cuddles. Also, consider that maybe the combo of preschool and daycare is too much and just send him to daycare during the day. Kids don't handle change all that well, and if he's feeling stressed from everything else than keeping things as stable as possible will help him.

Honestly I think he's feeling insecure with all the changes and needs some extra mommy attention to help center him while he adjusts. I think it's important to be clear about not hitting and that kind of thing, but try to remember that he's got some need that he's trying to communicate to you and that he's not doing it simply to try and hurt. No, hitting isn't acceptable, but if you can find the root cause, it'll stop the hitting. In the meantime I'd find a non-violent way to reprimand for hitting - by that I mean don't spank or hit back or smack him because it sends conflicting messages.

Is there a way you can involve him in preparing for the baby? If you have to buy clothes, let him pick out an outfit... let him help wash up the baby clothes and put them away. No, they won't end up in the right places or just the way you like them, but he'll feel like he's important and contributing and it'll help build a sense of independence. Also talk about being a big brother... how his little sibling will look up to him. Talk about him as a baby and what he like to do.. how he used to ride in the baby's car seat or sit in the swing or bouncy chair. Talk about how the baby will have mommy milk just like he did (if you're planning to bf.) The more included he feels, the less threatened he'll be when baby arrives.

And remember the magic words - "This too shall pass." It's awful when you see just how awful our sweet little kids can act, but that bad behavior can change almost overnight and your sweet little boy will be back. My dd has always been really good with ds, but now we're also seeing the tantrums change and get a lot less frequent and less intense when they do happen. And she listens much better. I think she started the whole terrible 2 tantrums earlier than most though...
__________________
~Nicole
Proud Breastfeeding, Co-sleeping, Babywearing, Cloth Diapering, Vaxing, Circumsizing Mommy to Nick (7-13-04) & Luke (4-02-07) Arachnoid Cyst Fighter.
Mommy2Nick&Luke is offline   Reply With Quote
Reply

Thread Tools
Display Modes

Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off

Forum Jump

Copyright 2005 - 2014 Escalate Media. All Rights Reserved.