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Old 04-01-2009, 09:49 AM   #1
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How much harder is it going from 1 child to 2?

DH and I have one daughter and she is 18mths old. We had planned to start trying for #2 this summer, but now DH says he's happy with one and doesn't think he could handle (emotionally, mentally, financially...) another one. I am quite upset about this because I've always wanted to have 2 children probably because I am from a 2 child family. Now, my DH is from a single child family. Could that have something to do with it??

What are the most difficult things to handle going from 1 child to 2 children? How did you prepare yourself and your first child for the second child?

Also, any help or advice on how to discuss this with my DH would be very helpful

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Old 04-01-2009, 09:54 AM   #2
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Re: How much harder is it going from 1 child to 2?

I'm interested in the replies to this thread! We are sorta on the same boat, only DH and I BOTH don't think we want anymore kids.

I just don't know how moms with more than 1 kid do it without disappearing into a blackhole and never leaving the house again, lol!!!
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Old 04-01-2009, 10:31 AM   #3
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Re: How much harder is it going from 1 child to 2?

For me it was so! much harder going from 0 to 1 then 1 to 2. DD2 just kinda fall right into place. DD1 was 2.5 at the time dd2 was born. It was easier for me because I already had experience with sleepless nights, the crying, the no schedule of any kind for months on end, the tantrums, ect ect ect Since I had previous experience with that I already knew what to expect so it wasnt such a shock to my system Now I was worried about getting out of the house with 2. Goodness just getting out with 1 and the diaperbag was stressful but 2? Come to find out it wasnt a big deal lol I already had a diaperbag so just through in another-smaller -diaper and a bottle and I was good to go. after a few months I even ditched the bag and just started leaving extra clothes/diapers in the car so all I had to worry about was my purse and getting us dressed(I'm low mantiance and dd1 can dress herself so it takes about 15mins to get us all out the door). We do worry about paying for college and weddings, ect but we can only do what we can do. Hopefully, we will succeed in raising our children to be thankfully for what they have. Having our 2 girls has been so wonderful and we are so grateful for them we are considering having a third. I see it like this, I might regret not having another child but I would never reget having another child.
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Old 04-01-2009, 10:33 AM   #4
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Re: How much harder is it going from 1 child to 2?

We had no issues going from 1 to 2. Our hardest was going from 2 to 3.
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Old 04-01-2009, 10:34 AM   #5
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Re: How much harder is it going from 1 child to 2?

I didn't find it very difficult at all. Of course, it somewhat depends on the ages of the children. My older two are about 2 1/2 years apart. ODD was about 20 months when I got pregnant with our son. It was fine. She was old enough to understand about the baby and she was old enough to do a lot on her own and to help out if I needed her to. If we went out, I wore the baby and held her hand. It was actually harder for us to go from 2 to 3. There are 4 years between our son and our youngest daughter. 4 years of him getting used to being the baby who always had top priority in mama's lap. I think he pretty much ignored his little sister until she was almost 6 months old.
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Old 04-01-2009, 10:36 AM   #6
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Re: How much harder is it going from 1 child to 2?

I would really look at why you want more and really be honest with yourself about if you could handle it. Then if you think you can maybe sit with hubby and talk about ways that it could work. It works best in a non-confrontational way. Maybe he just needs more time in between kids. Also I found the more I wanted to talk about the more resistant my hubby became. Talk about it but don't keep on it all the time.
My hubby was dead set on no more kids and here we just had baby #2.
The girls are 3.5 years apart. I don't know if being an only child would play a role. I was an only child and wanted a couple. DH has 3 brothers and a step-sister and didn't want anymore for the longest time.
So far my biggest challenge has been going places gets more difficult....like grocery shopping for example. Also its a bit hard to split attention. You have to quickly evaluate who needs you more at that moment. I was concerned about sharing the love but it does come naturally (if that makes sense).
As far as preparing our first....we talked to her about being a big sister, we let her help pick stuff out for the baby, we re-assured her that we would still love her etc.. We read books about being a big sister and we got her alot of her own baby care stuff so she could role play with her dolls. Now we make a big deal about her being a big helper and try to spend one on one time with just her when possible.
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Old 04-01-2009, 10:41 AM   #7
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Re: How much harder is it going from 1 child to 2?

Quote:
Originally Posted by juliasmom92905 View Post
As far as preparing our first....we talked to her about being a big sister, we let her help pick stuff out for the baby, we re-assured her that we would still love her etc.. We read books about being a big sister and we got her alot of her own baby care stuff so she could role play with her dolls. Now we make a big deal about her being a big helper and try to spend one on one time with just her when possible.

We did this as well. DD1 even started calling dd2 'our baby' when I was still pg and in a way, she really is.
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Old 04-01-2009, 10:45 AM   #8
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Re: How much harder is it going from 1 child to 2?

i think you should go for it. it's hard at first but it's worth it. i think it's actually more fun because they start to play with each other and it's fun to see the different personalities emerging. if you are worried, just try to surround yourself with friends and family who will be helpful to you. good luck with your decision and with talking to your husband
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Old 04-01-2009, 11:52 AM   #9
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Re: How much harder is it going from 1 child to 2?

Wow! Such great responses so far. Thank you all so much! I still have a few months before I want to start trying so hopefully talking it out with DH and showing him that I'm ready for it will help him be ready. I look forward to reading more advice and comments! Keep them coming
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Old 04-01-2009, 12:09 PM   #10
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Re: How much harder is it going from 1 child to 2?

Ok, well, I'm one of those who has found it very hard going from 1 to 2. But I wanted to share anyway because as hard as it has been, it is beyond worth it. AND I know that the hard part is really only going to be these first few months. I am already more organized and in more of a routine than I ever was when we just had one, and we're getting more and more used to this new life every day.

Also, it's been hard for me because my first child was a dream baby. Slept 3 hours, woke up, ate, pooped, chatted for a bit, then right back to sleep. I could lay him down awake in his crib and off he'd go to sleep without needing me to do a thing. Baby #2 is a different story entirely. She's a difficult high-needs baby but even with all that combined I can tell you it's so worth it, and even saying that yeah, it is hard, I have to add that it's not THAT hard. You get used to it. And it's so rewarding, and watching my son pat his sister's little head or give her kisses is the most beautiful thing I've ever seen.

I guess my point is that even if it does seem hard at first for you, it's doable and you will find that it has changed your life into something even more amazing than it was before. I say go for it.
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