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Old 03-06-2009, 10:20 AM   #1
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Mamas with 3 or more dd's

I have 3 dd's that are 8, 6 and 4. The 8 and 6yo like to play together but often leave the 4yo out. She gets super frustrated and acts up a lot because of this. How do you deal with it? I always tell them they have to include their sister, but they still fight a lot. It's been getting really bad lately! I'd love suggestions.

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Old 03-06-2009, 03:36 PM   #2
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Re: Mamas with 3 or more dd's

As you know ours aren't all girls but we have still dealt with this and I also remember being in this situation at my cousins house as a child.

The more you force it the more they will fight it and even when they do it they will resent it which does not help sisterly feelings grow.

They are old enough you might talk to them about how they would feel if they were left out all the time, you might encourage them to show her how to act like a big girl, if they think she acts like a baby.

Also give them some time to play with just each other, it's usually is in those times that they start playing with the rejected one.
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Old 03-06-2009, 08:28 PM   #3
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Re: Mamas with 3 or more dd's

sometimes I let them work it out alone. They do need their times to spend with certain sibs without the interruption. Granted, ours are spaced out weirdly 16, 12, 7, 3 and 17 months, but we do get the fighting issues with the boys/girls who are closer in age and another sib wants to butt in. Forcing them together isn't always the best, since they'll just argue more and feel resentful about being made to play with the child left out.
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Old 03-06-2009, 09:14 PM   #4
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Re: Mamas with 3 or more dd's

In our house the rule is we do not exclude siblings. It hasn't been too much of an issue. Occasionally my two boys, 8 and 6 want to exclude, my 4y/o dd. I tell them they cannot, simple as that or you don't play.
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Old 03-17-2009, 04:09 PM   #5
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Re: Mamas with 3 or more dd's

We're about to have dd # 5. Sometimes the teens (15 & 13) have small arguments on wearing each others clothing but that's about it. We think it's really important to let them handle their own issues, as long as there's no name calling (which is not allowed in our house) we try not to step in.
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Old 03-17-2009, 10:18 PM   #6
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Re: Mamas with 3 or more dd's

We don't force anyone to play together. No one picks my friends. I play with people who are agreeable and we have things in common. :P That said, no one is allowed to be rude either.

We have six daughters, five living. They are ages 12, 7, 5, 2, and 9 months. Oddly the 12 year old plays mostly with her 10yo brother or the 2 yo. The 7yo has JUST learned to be agreeable and now her sibs will play with her. The 5yo everyone will play with because she's just plain easy. The 2yo only plays with the 12yo and the baby almost entirely.


Is there a reason they leave out the other? I ask because a few years ago my oldest two would leave Elizabeth out of playing. And, if I were going to be honest, it's because she was stubborn and more than a little manipulative. I wouldn't have wanted to play with her either if she wasn't my child. Children generally learn to be more agreeable when they want to be included, vs. being a pain when they're forced to being included... A lot of the times you'll get the, "Na Na, Mama said you have to play with me..." So, really stand back and evaluate what is going on. It may just be the other two have a lot more in common. You could do what we do and just have another.
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Old 03-29-2009, 01:21 AM   #7
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Re: Mamas with 3 or more dd's

Quote:
Originally Posted by Mamatoabunch View Post
In our house the rule is we do not exclude siblings. It hasn't been too much of an issue. Occasionally my two boys, 8 and 6 want to exclude, my 4y/o dd. I tell them they cannot, simple as that or you don't play.
We have 6- 3 girls and then 3 boys. My girls are 9 1/2, almost 8 and 6. and we have the same rule as the above poster. Its just not accepted. Even when we get together with friends the older children must always be tenderhearted and thoughtful to their younger siblings.

When it comes to character issues- as this one is- for us as christians, we deal with it character things from a christ center world view. Stressing the importance of the heart issue. About the only time my 9 yr old feels like leaving out her younger sisters is when she is around other friends who "want to lose the littles". Because we talk about these things thoughout our week and practice building bonds and strong characters. A simple reminder to her to include her beloveds is all she needs to cheerfully include them in her play. The littles often will move on to go play with their friends and then the older dd can savor that one on one.
At home usually the only time someone has a comlaint is when the other girls do not want to play the specific thing that the other girl does. IN which case they just need to get over that and either play with the majority or find something else to do - lol.
The younger girl-s do have to be respectful though to the elder. PLaying fairly and lovingly as well. Being a blessing to be with and not a hinderence. They may not take advantage of their sister good graces.

LIke the pp said though- they kind of thing is just not tolerated and knowing this the girls rarely ever have this issue.
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Old 03-29-2009, 02:20 PM   #8
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Re: Mamas with 3 or more dd's

have another girl.

but seriously....my dh had 3 boys when I met and married him, they were 2, 4 and 7 at the time,and they are teens now, but the experience has absolutely soured me on having 3 kids..I would NOt do it if i had ANY other option........I've actually said to dh ( we have 2 of our own now and are done) that if something were to happen and were were to accidentally get pg with a third, i would have a fourth right away, because i will NOT go through the HELL that is having 3 kids EVER again.
someone is ALWAYS left out, they ALWAYS fight...I realize in some families it works, and that's great for them, but you coudln't pay me to have 3. uh-uh.
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Old 04-01-2009, 02:47 PM   #9
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Re: Mamas with 3 or more dd's

Good luck! I am due to have our 5th girl on April 25. My other girls are 8,5,5,and almost 3. They are always leaving someone out! Even though we currently have an even number of girls someone is always out. My twins tend to bond together no matter what. They are identical and have all those twin connections and such. My 3 year old is so different from the rest, very tom boyish so she doesn't mind being left out. BUT when it is one of the other 3 it is like the end of the world! I usually just let them go because usually within minutes of the meltdown they are all playing together nicely. My girls can be the best of friends and the worst of enemies all within like 5 minutes!
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