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Old 04-01-2009, 10:46 AM   #1
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I know we've talked about high needs babies before

but I just need to vent a minute.

I am going to SCREAM the next time someone tells me that the reason DD is so high needs is because of my parenting and that I should let her CIO and follow Baby Wise to "fix" her. She's not broken!!! There is nothing "wrong" with her. She is not fussy because she's spoiled from being held. She gets held a lot because she's fussy and she needs held!

I think the icing on the cake was when my mom called a couple days ago and could hear DD crying. She asked me "what did you do to her to make her cry?" When I told her nothing that she just cries sometimes, it's just how she is her response was that I needed to get a job and put DD in daycare so "someone who knows what they're doing" can take care of her.

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Old 04-01-2009, 10:55 AM   #2
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Re: I know we've talked about high needs babies before



i had a super high needs first - luckily outgrew it but now the second has grown into his spot

its very frustrating- i often feel like if they are "naughty" its blamed on me as the mother but if they are anything positive like sweet or cuddly - its just their personality - I cant count how many times i've been in tears b/c i have felt like someone has blamed me again - from my attitude when they were in utero, my milk, my emotional state, my parenting etc

p.s. my dad regularly tells me my impatient (my words not his) dh would do a lot better handling the boys so i should work - poor dh cant handle them for 2 hrs alone if they are both awake without wanting to pull his hair out - and i've gotton from both my parents that a daycare would be nicer for everybody - i.e. them and me
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Old 04-01-2009, 10:58 AM   #3
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Re: I know we've talked about high needs babies before

I totally understand where you are coming from...DD is high need as well and I think the biggest problem we have is people do not understand why she doesn't sleep through the night at 9 months old!! I don't get it...she is a baby of course she's not going to sleep through the night!!! Everyone thinks the reason she doesn't is because she is still nursing and because she is still in our bed. Even if that was a reason why do they care, it doesn't affect them?! It's like those of us with high need babies aren't allowed to complain.

Don't listen to everyone...you are doing what's right for your daughter
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Old 04-01-2009, 11:03 AM   #4
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Re: I know we've talked about high needs babies before



I don't really have a high needs baby, but I wanted to give you a pat on the back for NOT listening to everyone and doing CIO and other things. I'm currently being pressured by DH and his friends to do it and it's hard on your self esteem, especially when your mom says stuff like that?? poor mama. you're doing an excellent job, keep it up
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Old 04-01-2009, 01:27 PM   #5
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Re: I know we've talked about high needs babies before

I cannot believe she would say that. My toddler was a high needs baby and no one got it. My mom also thought I should let him CIO and all that other nonsense. Find an AP forum if you need more support. It will get easier.
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Old 04-01-2009, 01:49 PM   #6
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Re: I know we've talked about high needs babies before

My son was like that, too, and luckily no one blamed it on my parenting.....not to my face anyway, but I know they were thinking it. DS is 19mo. old and great now, no fussier or more tantrum-y than any of his peers, and he still sleeps in our bed. He is a bit more sensitive, especially to other people's feelings, but it's just part of his personality, and one I try to see as an advantage in some ways. And he sleeps a bit better than quite a few of his peers who've been left to CIO in their cribs from an earlier age (started sleeping through the night at about 13 or 14mo.).And, yeah, I think any mother in tune with her child's needs and individual temperament "knows what she's doing" better than any day care worker.
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Old 04-01-2009, 01:58 PM   #7
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Re: I know we've talked about high needs babies before

My DS didn't sleep through the night consistently until he was about 14-15 months and I was constantly pressured to let him CIO. I would always cite this Harvard Study whenever my mom or others brought it up:

http://www.hno.harvard.edu/gazette/1...enNeedTou.html

Here are some . Lots of AP moms on this board know exactly how you feel!
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Old 04-01-2009, 02:46 PM   #8
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Re: I know we've talked about high needs babies before

Thanks mamas. I just really needed to get that off my chest. Even though I don't agree with my mom at all it still really stings to be told by your mother that she don't think you are able to raise your own child.
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Old 04-01-2009, 07:46 PM   #9
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Re: I know we've talked about high needs babies before

Big hugs mama! Luckily I was a high needs baby so mostly my mom just laughs and tells me I'm doing great and she understands. Now my inlaws and friends think I'm nuts and that dd is "in-charge" Someone actually suggested I go ahead and have baby #2 so that dd would realize she's not the center of the world. Yeah I am trying for #2 but I just told that person dd is the center of the world and shrugged it off.

You're doing great. Vent when you need to.
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Old 04-01-2009, 08:34 PM   #10
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Re: I know we've talked about high needs babies before

I feel you, my first wasn't "high needs" at all and then along came out little princess. She is very "high maintenance" lol. Sometimes I would get so frustrated, especially with trying to find time to get other things done. Then I thought about it, and realized that she won't need me forever and I need to enjoy being the one she needs. So I wore her and held her when she needed it, she has trouble sleeping still at night too, but I can never do the CIO thing. Even though my dad mentioned it before I just ignore it. Because I'm the one raising her and I'm the one she needs. Good luck mama! Applaud you for not listening to other people's stupid opinions!lol
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