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Old 03-10-2009, 06:54 AM   #1
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Will this ever get better-social anxiety?

I am not new to dc with special needs.I have 2 boys (6 & 23m) with speech delays(like my oldest babbled until he was 4) and my youngest has difficulty walking.But,other than that(which is huge) they are like normal kids.They love to play and enjoy school.My oldest nearly speaks like any other kid now.

Now,onto my dd.She is 3 and will be 4 in June.At home she is the life of the house.Zero speech delays at all.I called social services because she seemed to have social delays.The diagnosis was autism.Shocked me.She started attending a special school mainly for kiddos with autism.She then started getting speech therapy and I wondered why?She isn't talking in school.Not just not talking but is like a zombie in class.Like everything is going on and she notices none of it.Now the therapists say she may not have autism but a social anxiety.She was to start preschool next fall but now they say thats not a good idea.Give her another almost 2yrs in this special school(it's year round).

I guess what broke my heart was yesterday.I observed her in class(they have a glass screen that therapists use).She is just like me.My teachers wanted to fail me from K-4th grade not because of academics but my social skills(or lack there of).She is me all over again and that hurts.I went on antidepressants in high school through college and that was great socially anyway.But I stopped because eventually you have to up the dosage and things stop working,now I'm friendless and kinda panic when out shopping but I push all that aside to get things done.But she can't go on paxil or anything else.What am I to do?Sit back and watch the trainwreck year after year?I nearly broke into tears watching her and actually left to "feed the meter" but I really just needed to breath.She is going to see a private therapist that will give me tips and ideas of how to handle her but seriously,I too saw therapists and the only thing that helped my anxieties was drugs.I'll listen but I'm already having panic attacks thinking of how horrible things are going to be for her.Please say this will pass and hopefully sometime in the next couple years so she can lead a normal life and not be a freak like me who is afraid to leave the house or have a in person conversation.

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Old 03-10-2009, 08:39 AM   #2
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Re: Will this ever get better-social anxiety?

Okay, you are NOT a freak! And since you had the same problems maybe you can help your daughter avoid some of the pitfalls you experienced.
I also am living with depression and anxiety. I currently take medication. I have to keep my mind on the job at hand, like shopping or whatever . Otherwise I get sidetracked and very anxious.

As far as your daughter no matter what 'professionals " say you have to do what YOU think is best for her. So if you think she should go to preschool then send her.
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Old 03-10-2009, 09:19 AM   #3
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Re: Will this ever get better-social anxiety?

I actually agree that sending her to a regular school would overwhelm her.At most she would only get 1 therapy session a week.And she would get lost amongst a giant class of kids.I guess yesterday was just too much.I felt like I was looking in the mirror at how life was/is for me.I don't want her on meds and I guess since that was the only thing that helped me,I am assuming (wrongly) that may be what may help her.I always wanted a little girl.Never thought I would get one and had dreams of her being normal.I've considered going back on meds for her.Maybe if I got out with her and was way more active around other people,then she would get better too.I don't want her to have to focus on things and having mini freak out sessions being around other people.I went to the mall one day and it was just so crowded that I lost it.I practically ran out of there.Maybe this is lifes way of saying I need to handle my issues as well.
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Old 03-19-2009, 09:12 AM   #4
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Re: Will this ever get better-social anxiety?

I am worried about this with my youngest son, who has moderate-severe autism. The oldest one is 'nearly typical,' gosh I don't like that word. You are not wrong in what you think will help her- you know first hand what she's going through. I think this preschool, in such a small setting, would be better than a typical program.
I know what you mean about the dreams. With all the help available nowadays, she may get all the help she needs early on. At least I hope so. Keep doing a good job, Tiffany!!!
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Old 03-22-2009, 03:09 PM   #5
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Re: Will this ever get better-social anxiety?

mama - although DS is only just two, he is very similar in the fact that he is extremely anxious and overwhelmed around others. I was totally the same as well, and it hurts me to think of what he might have to go through, so I know what you are saying!!! The only reason I am doing so well today is anti-anxiety medication and time, but I don't want him to go through that. But whatever you do, don't feel guilty for passing it on...you can't help the way you are. Just love your LO and be an advocate. I always tell myself that I am in a unique position to understand how my child feels, and thats why he was given to me, rather than someone with less understanding. You are not alone, mama, and both will make it through this journey. HTH a little!
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Old 03-28-2009, 10:44 PM   #6
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Re: Will this ever get better-social anxiety?

I would suggest trying social stories from thegraycenter.org you can learn about them there and then make your own. I would be as canidand as you can, as you know how she's feeling. sounds like selective-mute Best of luck, you are not alone.
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Old 04-13-2009, 11:52 AM   #7
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Re: Will this ever get better-social anxiety?

Hi - I don't have anxiety myself (though I was very shy until high school, when an specific teacher had a big influence on me and helped bring me out of my shell), but I tend to gravitate towards very shy people and am involved in homeschooling a 9 year old boy who has some anxiety issues. I don't know if this is good advice for your situation, but I know that for him homeschooling has helped him a lot. Over the year he has been out of school, he has come out of his shell big time. I think that not being around an intimitading group of kids his own age has helped him to find grounding in himself to better enable him to deal with other kids. I believe his parents are planning on transitioning him back to school in another year or two - they also did the same thing with his older brother.
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Old 04-13-2009, 07:07 PM   #8
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Re: Will this ever get better-social anxiety?

My 2 1/2 year old has social anxiety. She's will be completely mute in new situations. She'll stand rooted to the spot I put her in if there are too many kids around. She won't even get something she wants, like a drink or snack. Half the time she clams up when new people come to our home.. half the time she will go up to them and give them some toy and talk to me and my hubby but not to the person directly.
There is a selective mute child in the classroom I work in and I see a lot of her in my daughter...
My daughter was in daycare for 2 years.. from 6 months old up until just recently... almost the whole time she was there she said 5 words..until the last 2 weeks.. then she talked to some of the other kids and a little to the daycare provider... but if she took her to a play place or the library she would clam up.
I'm scared my daughter will get lost in a preschool class... or that people with antagonize her trying to get her to talk...that doesn't help at all... I have anxiety myself and I know how it feels to have someone in your face trying to get you to do something and it is not pleasant...
I'm not sure what else I can do for my daughter... she's getting services from an infant developmental specialist and may be getting services from a speech therapist because even when she's comfortable at home and talking she only has 20 words and possibly help from an occupational therapist because she has an oral motor weakness that they believe is affecting her speech and eating... and all are aware of Emily's anxiety and shyness and try to help her with it.
I know with selectively mute children they should be set up with a therapist and that classroom staff should be advised on how to interact with a child like that... like not to harass them or intimidate or threaten them... but that's all I know. I just keep trying to expose my daughter to new situations and be there to support her through it...
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Old 04-13-2009, 07:48 PM   #9
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Re: Will this ever get better-social anxiety?

When she is around 3 years, 11 months call the local public school to see if she can get some preschool services through the school district. Typically, they would have to do their own assessment. They will work with her on those areas - if she qualifies.
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