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Old 06-10-2009, 01:29 PM   #1
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Feel Like Nothing is Going Right!

Hi, there!
OK i shortened the original post.

We have 3 children, techincally 4, if u count DSD that does not live with us,
DH is convinced we are done. I think if I could get a better handle on things, he might feel differently. He helps a TON around the house, but still I am SO overwhelmed.

I'd love some advice, direction, anything! I can't seem to get a handle on fitting everything into the day. We have a schedule but it seems to change daily with my baby's feeding times & any outings. We have to eat a special diet which is from scratch, and specific foods, so my kitchen is ALWAYS a mess from the last meal. My oldest has ODD (Oppositional Defiant Disorder sorta like conduct disorder) which is the reason for the diet. His behavior is very unpredictable and challenging. I feel like I am always stressed but I think that is just a habit I have picked up. How do u stay upbeat when things seem to be getting ahead of you?
I would also love to know when u do things like crafting or create photo albums, etc. Do u get time with DH??
thanks, mamas!!!

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Last edited by vintagegyrl; 06-10-2009 at 08:57 PM.
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Old 06-11-2009, 08:22 AM   #2
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Re: Feel Like Nothing is Going Right!

Raising Godly Tomatoes for parenting issues and a loose routine. These two things could help an awful lot.

Look set your expectations low and if I were you I wouldn't talk to DH about a new baby right now.

When things are hard, it seems like they are never going to change, and they'll always BE hard. It's not so, but we're pretty short-sighted, being human and all.

Look, decide what your personal priorities are for the day. It might be as little as:

I would feel good IF these things happened:
1. Supper on the table at night.
2. Dishes done once in the afternoon.
3. A nap
4. Read one book to the kids per day.

Then figure out how in your day you can pull this off.

I tried the whole "Managers of their Homes" schedule, half hour by half hour segment and it didn't work for me. I felt very stressed to move onto the next thing and it made a fairly happy mama kind of stressy and jumpy.

We try to run by a routine, BENCHMARKED by certain times.

So, if wake up time is set and naptime is set then you figure out how things can fall.

For example:

6:30 - Mama wakes, switches laundry, does her Bible stuff and her computer.
7:30 - Wake all the kids
Breakfast
Clean-up
Switch Laundry
Outside Time
Switch Laundry
At 11:30 all things stop and you do lunch prep.
Lunch
Read Aloud
1:00 naptime. Do any supper prep NOW like cut veggies, etc because you KNOW 4:00-5:00 is insane and stressful.
Take a nap
Do dishes so they're done for DH
Outside to wear the little stinkers out so you can do supper prep.
4:30 - Make supper
Be a vegetable.


See, no schedule! But the routine is there so that the kids come to know what comes next. It also hits all your important stuff. Now, after a couple weeks, add one more thing into your routine mama. But you know, Fly Lady's baby steps taught me an important lesson. And that is you can't just jump into a boatload of new habits and hope they stick. You have to train yourself to the job. And you can't learn everything at once, you'll burn out!

So think of what would make YOU really happy if you accomplished it. And think of what would lend the most comfort to your DH and just make sure you hit a few of those on your top priorities. Then anything else is icing on the cake.

And, from someone who has BTDT, I know it seems like this season lasts FOREVER. Someone once told ME that this season of lots of littles is just that a season and my response was, "NO, it's NOT! It's my whole life, or most of it. There will ALWAYS be another baby, or another toddler up and coming." That might be true, most days I sure hope so! But I forgot that all those babies, those toddlers, those pre-schoolers are getting older. I can take a night off of cooking while my 13yo cooks! I can now have the 10yo sweep, the 7yo vacuum, and the 2yo, 4yo, and 5yo carry clothes up to the bedrooms! I'm not so alone in my efforts anymore. It's just a season. Turns out they were right. Blessings!
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Old 06-11-2009, 08:25 AM   #3
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Re: Feel Like Nothing is Going Right!

OH! I missed the outings part. Honestly Mama? The best part of my schedule is that we make ALL appointments for every other Friday. Any shopping, errand running, taking back recyclables, anything, can be saved for TWO days per month. Talk about cutting down a TON of stress. I try to schedule them for early/mid morning so I can be home by naptime and they've had breakfast. Taking your kids routines into consideration (food & sleep) will help them and limiting your outings will save your sanity. My one exclusion to this is story time. But it is still a mid-morning thing and we don't do it in ADDITION to our routine, it takes the place of preschool on that day.
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