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Old 10-20-2009, 12:23 AM   #1
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Ready For Baby! *EDIT*

Figured this was the best place for this!

Ok, This may be long.
Avery is 2 1/2 next month. She's a joy to have and I love her to pieces. I'm ready to share that love with another baby. I'm SO READY to have another one, but I don't think Jon is on the same page as me.

Originally when Avery was born we talked about like 4 1/2 years later we would Get Pregnant and they would be 5 years apart. I didn't like this idea too much and Didn't like the age difference. My brother and I are 7 years apart and never got along... In fact He molested me when I was 7 and he was 14. Jon's Sister and Himself are 5 years apart and didn't get along at all. They were very distant just like My brother and Myself.

So I don't want anymore then 4 years between my children and Even that's pushing it. Jon doesn't understand my reasoning for this and Thinks that we will have a child When HE'S ready. So He wants to try in 2011 and I'm ready Now... I haven't talked to him yet, But I think if I can Get pregnant by about April of next year then that would be a compromise right? Well I'll have to talk to him and see what he thinks.

Now I got pregnant with Avery when I was 16. Jon and I weren't married and We still aren't. That puts a slight Damper on things. I would like to be married before having a second child, but I could really care less if we ever get married. I would be doing it for family's sake I guess. To me it's just a piece of paper and We've been living together for 3 1/2 years as it is.

Also we live in a 3 bedroom house and the 3rd bedroom is Jon's office. I've been thinking a lot about this and The baby could sleep in our room until sleeping through the night and then transfer to Avery's room as long as she's okay with sharing her room.

Also Avery would be 9 months older and WAY more mature than she is now. When Jon thinks Pregnancy and baby he thinks NOW not 3/4 of a year down the road. It adds a lot!!

So I guess what I'm getting at is How Do I talk to Jon, and How to talk him into it??? HeHe!!
I'm on the Mirena IUD birth control. I go for my Annual Next Month and am considering getting it taken out. I don't want to trick Jon so Want to talk to him before then. I'm just scared! I don't know how to approach him or even "Pop The Question" So to speak. I'm VERY super scared!!! I trust him and We're very open with eachother, but I don't want him getting mad at me, and possibly Never have sex with me again because He's afraid I would have it taken out and then Trick him into a baby... I don't know! I'm torn!

Thanks!!!!

*EDIT*
That so did not go as planned... He was texting me this morning and I said I had something serious to talk to him about this weekend, Well he freaked out and demanded knowing NOW, So I told him I was ready for another baby and he went crazy. He told me NO WAY IN HECK. Told me I better now Trick him and go off birth control because He'd Leave me... Told me a whole bunch of crap. He wants a year to be established in this job. So I said We could start trying in Spring and baby will be here in December and that would be over a year. Told me we don't have room... We have a 3bdr 1600 sq ft house. I told him his desk could go in our room so baby could have the 3rd room. He thought I was NUTS for thinking this... So I asked him when he will be ready for another one, and He asked me "Honey why does it matter?"

I'm scared for what tonight may bring when he gets home! But hey he Demanded to know NOW, so I told him NOW!

He now says he will be ready in about a year. So I guess we compromised!

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Last edited by HeatherM0529; 10-20-2009 at 12:03 PM.
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Old 10-20-2009, 06:04 AM   #2
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Re: Ready For Baby!

That is a tough one Mama. I would just tell him that you want to talk to him about something that is very important to you. Then sit him down and tell him how you have been feeling. Trust me you will be surprised how responsive men are if you are direct. I told DH just the other day that I don't want to wait till next year to TTC and we had a long talk about it and we came to the decision that January would be a good time.

I feel you should just tell him what your wants are (about everything) give him all the reasons and factors and I guarantee that he will be responsive to a well thought out and direct conversation.
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Old 10-20-2009, 06:58 AM   #3
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Re: Ready For Baby!

I'm with Jules on this one.

I think if you have a good discussion and that you are very upfront and honest about how you feel he might be open to having another child sooner.

I am all for waiting till both are 100 % ready but maybe he doesn't totally understand what you are feeling right now.

Good luck mama
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Old 10-20-2009, 09:37 AM   #4
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Re: Ready For Baby!

Thanks guys!!! I'm just torn. It's a tough decision... I'll tell you what he said originally and what he says now...

After Avery he wanted to get his Master's Degree and a Good Paying Job... I understood this COMPLETELY. He graduated in May and Got his Good Job 2 months ago... I mean he went from making Retail $15,000 to $48,000 and He gets about $12,000 for Disability from the Military. I would say that's a good job. He's the General and Colonel's assistant.

Now he says that he wants his doctorate degree which is 3 years away. That means 2012 and By the time the baby would be here They would be 6 years apart... I know it's not horrible or the end of the world, but To me that's way too late! I don't want to wait 3 years.

Also when I went on the 5 yr mirena, I think he expected me to not want another one for those whole 5 years. Not happening Dude.

Thanks!!! I'm just ranting I guess. I'm going to talk to him this Weekend. Don't want to bother him during the week, but he has a 3 days weekend every weekend, so I think that's best, and It will give me a week to get my thoughts straight and figure out what to say and how to approach him!

Thank you Suzie and Jules!
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Old 10-20-2009, 01:34 PM   #5
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Re: Ready For Baby! *EDIT*

I will say that I am 2 years apart from my older sister, and 2 years apart from my younger. We fought like crazy. We didn't get along until we were in college, now we couldn't be closer. I dont think age difference completly plays a part in sibling dynamics. Some kids fight no matter how far apart they are, and some get along the same way. Good luck to you and hopefully your husband will change his mind.
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Old 10-20-2009, 06:05 PM   #6
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Re: Ready For Baby! *EDIT*

i know it's hard to disagree on this stuff, and i kwym about the age differences! hope you can sit down with you boyfriend and come to an agreement that is mutually satisfactory!
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