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Old 02-03-2010, 01:01 PM   #21
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Re: Difference between fathers and mothers...love

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I'm not referring to passionate love as being the silly idea. The idea that one's love for their child is the greatest love in this history of the world as being a silly idea, and that's what this idea reminds me of. Mothers may be intuitive, but until you walk around inside someone's head, you have no idea the intensity with which they may love another human being.

And I think it's kind of naive to say that abusive parents don't love their children. Furthermore, if you want to say that mothers love their children more (or more intensely or more passionately) than fathers, then you can't just exclude all the mothers that don't meet the criteria in order to say something like that. You can't just say that mom's love their babies more deeply than their fathers do, and then turn around and say "Oh, but not that mom. She doesn't count."
I think you're taking offense to things that aren't there. Perhaps your past experiences make you sensitive to this topic but no one is being insulting. There is no need to play devil's advocate. We're speaking in general terms. There will always be exceptions. I'm just saying that in my experience it seemed so much easier for my DH to take a break than it was for me.
I like the pp that said a child is an addition to a father's life, but an extension of the mother's. That's how it felt for me. DH was happy and adored his boy, but it wasn't the same as mine.

I don't think fathers love their children less, I just think it's different.

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Old 02-03-2010, 02:42 PM   #22
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Re: Difference between fathers and mothers...love

A mother's hormones are such that we have a compelling need to care for our babies. Fathers don't have that physical tug that causes the feelings quite as intensely as mothers do. It's a biological fact.

I love our children intensely and so do their fathers. The way that they express it is different. One is not better than the other or more intense. Sometimes I think that I can manage to think with my head rather than my emotions in intense situations better than either of them can though.

That said I took a long time to truly bond with my firstborn. It just took longer for me because that is just my personality to not warm up to someone immediately. Sure he'd been inside me but meeting him for the first time I felt like I was holding some stranger who was mad at me for disturbing him. My love for him was not instantaneous and it took a good while for me to slwly fall in love with him.

My second child was a different story. I had the experience to fall back on with my first child. I remembered and my feelings transferred immediately to my secondborn. My secondborn was also my husband's first and he bonded with her immediately. He jumped every time she made a peep. He was wrapped from day one and still is. He is not feminine but he is extremely nuturing.

Our third child only settles down for Daddy at night. I'm not allowed to sing to him (even though I'm the freakin music major and DH can barely carry a note in a bucket!) per his orders, but Daddy's singing rendition of "froggy" is soothing to him.
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Old 02-03-2010, 02:48 PM   #23
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Re: Difference between fathers and mothers...love

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yeah there is usually a difference in the way moms and dads love their kids but I don't think either love is more important than the other. I really think kids need their fathers just as much as their mothers. My story is a little different than yours in that my dh seemed to bond quicker with our first than I did. I don't know what it was really but he and her had that instant connection where he seemed to know how to comfort her and what to do. I think most of it was just that he is a very loving person and I am more reserved and slower to love in general thanks to my upbringing plus my older daughter had a very strong personality from day one. She was and is very demanding at times and I had to really work on my patience for her sake.
Wow! This describes me and my family perfectly!
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Old 02-03-2010, 02:57 PM   #24
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Re: Difference between fathers and mothers...love

A mother's love and a father's love are very different and both very important. Mothers are designed for one thing, fathers for something else. It was intended that a child have both mother's love and father's love.
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Old 02-11-2010, 10:31 AM   #25
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Re: Difference between fathers and mothers...love

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A mother's love and a father's love are very different and both very important. Mothers are designed for one thing, fathers for something else. It was intended that a child have both mother's love and father's love.
I like this!
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Old 02-11-2010, 08:56 PM   #26
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Re: Difference between fathers and mothers...love

I don't agree - my husband is an amazing father - he did all the diaper changes for the first week as I was worried about the circ. and belly button and didn't want to do it. When he walks in the door, he picks up little squirt and they are both madly in love. And, if anything, little squirt brought us together closer as it was getting really hard on us, especially me after our 5 year nightmare of not being successful adopting. Our son lights up with my husband as son does to husband. My husband gets up every morning with him - I don't even hear him as I'm so used to husband doing it - I used to do the 2 am and those stopped and my husband still is nice enough to get up. And, when I try, he scoops him up and still feeds/does it. My husband has three much older kids, so at least he came with lots of experience (and I knew what I was getting).
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Old 02-11-2010, 09:37 PM   #27
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Re: Difference between fathers and mothers...love

While I think that sometimes its true that a mother loves her child differently, it isn't always that way. I mean my poor stepson's mother is horrid. And I swear this isn't the whole new-wife-hates-the-former-wife thing. Its honestly true. She will freely give him to anyone she can and has been that way since he was born. This I was told by many people, even HER mother. She was actually going to move away with her boss and just leave him with my hubby. I could never imagine doing that! I will say that usually mothers do tend to be more devoted, I guess thats what you could call it, then fathers. But you must see how a generalization could offend a person who didn't have that experience with their mother, or even someone with two fathers you know. Just saying.
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