View Poll Results: How did your childhood upbringing affect teen decisions? (Choose the closest!)
Strict parents - major teen disobedience (big regrets now) 5 6.85%
Strict parents - some teen disobedience (minor regrets) 14 19.18%
Strict parents - minor/no teen disobedience (no signif regrets) 16 21.92%
Not-strict parents - major teen disobedience (big regrets now) 5 6.85%
Not-strict parents - some teen disobedience (minor regrets) 12 16.44%
Not-strict parents - minor/no teen disobedience (no signif regrets) 21 28.77%
Voters: 73. You may not vote on this poll

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Old 03-02-2010, 02:05 PM   #21
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Re: How did your upbringing affect your teenage?

Originally Posted by beaute_marquee View Post
My parents were pretty strict, but also very loving most of the time. I grew up in a very conservative church, and I was not allowed to wear pants or cut my hait or wear jewelry or watch tv or listen to rock music or a lot of other things. The denomination we were a part of folded when I was very little, and my parents began to loosen up and see where some of their rules were excessive. I think seeing this happen in them made a big impact on me. They kept the rules that made sense (you have to go to church, can't date till sixteen, can't wear revealing clothes or listen to music with explicit lyrics, etc.), but they admitted they were wrong about other things. It made me more willing to follow the rules they kept, and more willing to own up to my own mistakes.
I think some degree of "strictness" is necessary for the development of children and teenagers. They need boundaries to know what is acceptable behavior and what is not. They need chores to learn a work ethic. They need rules to know what the family's priorities and values are, and to work within them.
On the other hand, there's such a thing as too strict.
Whatever your parenting style. Your kids have to see you modeling the behavior yiu expect of them, and they have to know that you do things the way you do because you love them.
My parents church was super strict like that too (women weren't allowed to wear makeup or dye their hair, no TV/radio from sundown Fri to sundown Sat, no celebrating b-days or Christmas or Easter or Halloween, ect) but their church didn't fold until after I was married and moved away and THEN they changed all of their *rules* and *beliefs* that they had enforced on me my entire life. I really really resented that then and even now (14 years later). I missed out on SO MUCH as a teen because of their church! I couldn't be in marching band or in the school play because those activities took place on Saturdays! I wasn't allowed to participate in ANYTHING at school that even hinted at being connected to one of the forbidden holidays (if the class was cutting and pasting pine trees around Christmas time I was excused from the activity and given something else to do) and I was made fun of A LOT because of it...even by the teachers (especially in high school!)! My high school teachers always expected me to understand and explain to them WHY I was being excluded from things (and taken out of school for church holy days), but I didn't understand it myself and I resented it so I always got a lot of flack from my teachers about it.....As SOON as I turned 18, even though I was still living with my parents, I started refusing to go to church with them (and started celebrating the denied holidays with my in-laws-to-be).

ETA: I KNOW that how I was raised impacted how I feel about church and religion in general. I also know that the ONLY reason I got married at 18, right out of high school (11 days after he turned 18), was because my parents (and their church) were TOO strict. But we've been married for 14+ years now so I can't really complain about that....


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1 in 150 kids has autism. One of them is mine!

Last edited by BeckysBabyMakes6; 03-02-2010 at 02:07 PM.
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Old 03-02-2010, 02:20 PM   #22
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Originally Posted by metalchick1000 View Post
You forgot "inconsistent". My mom was alternately loosey goosey and ridiculously strict. I rebelled against the strict and wished for her to pay attention to me and show me she cared when she let me do whatever. I don't regret a thing I did. Also, nature sometimes overpowers nurture. It's a matter of giving them the tools to make responsible decisions.
This was how my mom was too. She would freak out about minor things and let HUGE things slide. When I was 14 I started having sex and by 15-16 I was pregnant. I made a huge turn-around in my life after that and it really slapped me into reality. Looking back it was all over getting attention from my parents. I had a lot of responsiblity being the older sister (8yrs apart) and had to do a lot of babysitting while my mom was in school and my dad worked. It started with recreational drugs and sex, but ultimately led to the biggest blessings of my life. I don't regret having my children, but I do regret not giving them a better life by having a secure relationship with their father and being on my own. I regret the amount of drugs and alcohol I messed with and wish I would have made better decisions.
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Old 03-02-2010, 03:19 PM   #23
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Re: How did your upbringing affect your teenage?

Both my parents (mom and step dad) were very strict however, I currently have not talked to my step dad in several years and he has made no effort to contact me. My mom and I have a pretty good relationship. I don't resent being raised in a strict home. However, I could tell my mom had loving intentions in the way she raised me. She cared about the things I cared about, my school, my friends, my sports and activities. I never felt really any amount of concern or love from my step dad and nothing was ever good enough for him. Overall, I feel that the love I felt from my mom and other adults in my life kept me from doing anything truly stupid or something I would regret forever. My own kids will be raised in a loving home where we do have high standards. I will continue to do what my mom did with me and make sure my girls know that the decisions I make for them are because I love them and want what is best for them. I am careful to have reasons behind whatever rules I put in place and it be reasons that I can explain to my kids as they start questioning things.
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Old 03-02-2010, 07:25 PM   #24
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Re: How did your upbringing affect your teenage?

I voted strict with no rebellion but I don't think my parents were strict in the traditional sense, although they definitely weren't non-strict either.

My parents raised me to fear the law and getting into trouble so I didn't do anything while it was illegal - I smoked, drank, even pot but only once it was legal (living in Amsterdam for the pot!). I didn't kiss a boy until I was 17 and I would still never get a tattoo or a facial/body piercing. I never speed and I've only gotten two parking tickets because I paid incorrectly rather than not at all.

I was expected to attend college and get a good job and work hard, and even though I ended up leaving hone at 17 and not making college, it was because of our personal disagreements rather than anything to do with how they raised me.

My mom could not decide whether she wanted to be my friend or my parent so she went off of the deep end of both sides. I was terrified of disappointing her but she never appreciated any of my achievements.

I don't really credit them for everything I have achieved because they certainly didn't do anything to help, but I suppose the way they raised me to want things in life has got a lot to do with it. I have a huge sense of pride in having earned everything I have, while a lot of people I seem to come across these days were raised to have more appreciation for what they could get with little/no work.

I would say the biggest way this has impacted my own parenting is that I've tried to take all the best bits of what they did and make sure I avoid all the bad bits. I'm not afraid to be the parent when I need to be, but I will happily be a friend when it's needed and appropriate. Getting my daughter ready to be out in the world and able to make it on her own two feet is my number one goal, but I don't think that necessarily means she won't love me along the way.

Last edited by mamatje; 03-02-2010 at 07:44 PM.
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