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Old 03-05-2010, 09:43 AM   #1
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Unhappy babies and toddlers

Anyone have a high needs baby that is still a high needs toddler that is.never.ever.happy.no.matter.what?

DD2 is almost 17 months old. She's been high needs since day one. Food sensitivities, elimination diet, no clothes with tags, cannot be consoled no matter what.

Seriously, my little girl is never happy. I've taken her to her ped, to a naturopathic dr, and to a chiropractor. No one can find anything wrong with this child. She cries when I put her down, she cries when I pick her up, she cries herself to sleep if I rock her, she cries if I put her down on her own. She cries in the car from the time we get in until the time we get out. She cries in between bites as she's eating in her high chair. Heck, she cries while she's sucking on a dum-dum sucker! The only time she's not crying is when she's in the bathtub. She still won't sttn. She's up 2-3 times a night crying and screaming.

I'm just at the end of my rope here with the crying. She's a very healthy weight, she is well fed, well cared for, well loved. I just don't know what she is so unhappy about all the freakin' time. Someone who has btdt, please tell me it gets better. She's sitting on my lap crying as I type this.

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Old 03-05-2010, 09:48 AM   #2
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Re: Unhappy babies and toddlers

Hugs Have you had her checked out to see if she's not in some sort of pain or had a system confusing sensory stimuli that confuses good things with bad? Some kids are just super sensitive. Does a change in clothing work? Less noise, more noise? Wrap her up tightly & hold her? She may like the bath because it is less stimulating & visually quiet?
My son sees a psychologist for Autism help. She says that lot of kids with sensory issues find comfort in being surrounded by "something" to cut the stimulation down. Like a winter coat on in the house or wrapping themselves in a blanket like a swaddle.
I'm sorry mama. I'm certain she knows you are trying to help
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Old 03-05-2010, 10:17 AM   #3
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Re: Unhappy babies and toddlers

Thanks Jaime,
Her clothing is a huge thing and I've suspected some sensory issues for a few months now. Just trying to really pinpoint her triggers. She won't wear footed pj's cause she can't stand them on her feet. Clothes with ribbed neckbands bother her. Certain materials really affect her. If someone in the family offers to buy her clothes, I'm like, no, really-don't waste your money. I found this pair of Carter's microfleece 2 piece jammies once and they have the satin trim around the cuff of the sleeve, the cuff of the leg and the neckband. Really lightweight and tagless. I wash them all the time cause she sleeps best when wearing those. I'm headed to Kohls today to see if I can find more and I will stock up if I do! DH is giving me a much needed break to shop.

I guess a big part of me feels so guilty because I really feel like I ignore my almost 3yo. Not really ignore, but she's such an easy going-do her own thing-kid that I feel like I don't pay as much attention to her as I should. I've been really making sure to get the quality time in with her after DD2 goes down for a nap. I'll let DD1 stay up longer and we'll play for 45 or so mins before she takes her nap. Same thing at night. Still, it leaves little time for me. I'm just worn down and know that the constant unhappy state that DD2 stays in just isn't normal. It just can't be.
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Old 03-05-2010, 11:01 AM   #4
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Re: Unhappy babies and toddlers

Well, the guilt I understand. And how I wish I didn't Along with your endless need to try to make things "just right" for her. She really is trying to learn how to cope too She probably cries like she does because it drowns out all other things. What really really helped me was all the ideas I got from his spec Ed teacher. And his psychologist is helping tremendously(and helping the school work WITH him, not against him). These kids(assuming your baby girl is one) find their own ways to cope, often in ways we outsiders see as more distracting or stimulating. What they are really doing is trying to feel calm again. Like you can't turn off that loud tv, so you learn to talk over it or tune it out by doing a stimulus they can control.
Like when my son was little, he would clear off a table. Too busy visually! Or at circle time during DC, he would rock back & forth and humm. If it's a crowded restaurant, he flicks his ears and flicks the table. Or at school, if a class is too loud or visually busy, he takes off his shoes & plays with his feet. If we go somewhere, he keeps his coat on. Cuts down on the stimulation. He loves sweatshirts & pants. Cuts down on what he feels that he doesn't want to. He is just trying to get normal back.
I think your daughter is trying to do the same. These kids WANT to be calm but they just can't be. It's like they are on a higher state of alert. All. The. Time.
It gets better because you learn as she learns. You already know what she likes & what she doesn't. You are trying. And she will learn too. How to drown out the "noise" her body can't ignore. Look deeper into the why of what she already does. Then you can help her more Can you humm into her ears as you hold her tightly? Can you remove some house objects(knicknacks, pictures, mirrors,etc) to make her visual environment more calming? Wear clothing less "busy" visually?" White noise machine in her room at night & naps? Less ambient noise in the house during the day?
You also will have to educate others in her life. Alot of these self calming behaviors seem disruptive to outsiders. But once people understand the reason behind them, they make total sense!
HTH?
I promise, it will get better.
Hugs!
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Old 03-05-2010, 12:20 PM   #5
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Re: Unhappy babies and toddlers

what great thoughts Jamie. While I don't have any kids that high needs, I have certainly run into a couple doing home daycare. I agree that the crying a lot of times is a coping skill....it drowns out the world around them. One kid I had did this ALL the time. She was happiest in a pack in play by herself, no toys, no noise. It was like just living a regular kid life was way too much for her. Have you pursued getting her evaluated and possibly seeking some professional help or therapy for her. It is understandable that you are so exhausted. Don't feel that you have to bear this all alone. Good luck.
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Old 03-05-2010, 01:39 PM   #6
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Re: Unhappy babies and toddlers

I have a 5 year old like that, he's been that way since the day he was born...Everyone say's it's just a stage....but, no...I've been hearing that one for 5 almost 6 years now...
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Old 03-05-2010, 01:46 PM   #7
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Re: Unhappy babies and toddlers


i'd guess SPD...do you have anywhere locally that does sensory therapy? my ds had coping issues a few years ago (didn't cry all the time like your dd, but couldn't handle everyday situations and would meltdown or lash out) and our ped suggested it. we went a few times and he seemed to enjoy it. luckily i think his just was an emotional phase and he has mostly grown out of it, but maybe it could help your dd?
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Old 03-06-2010, 12:35 PM   #8
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Re: Unhappy babies and toddlers

I have a 5 yo that sounds just*like*your*dd. He came out screaming and did not stop until he was at least 3...it is getting better with age but it is still a daily battle. He does have sensory issues. He would only eat pureed foods until he was close to 2 and then he was super picky about food textures, clothing textures(we found it easier to just let him be undressed as long as we were at home) etc. Even now, he prefers to be without clothes and if the lines on his socks are not just so...sigh. He is very easily set off, and people look at me like I am horrible Mother for his meltdowns etc. My saving grace is my 2 girls are angels!

It is very hard...dh doesn't understand really what it is like to deal every day all day. I had to give up my hopes to homeschool him because I honestly need a break. He is in K now and I am soooo much happier for the break.

We do cater to him a bit more than we should...he took a bottle until he was 4.5 and he still cosleeps(otherwise he won't sleep)!

I also fear that my girls get/will be shorted. They do seem to be doing ok though.
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Old 03-06-2010, 07:26 PM   #9
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Re: Unhappy babies and toddlers

SPD was my guess too. I think DS has a very slight case, sounds like your DD wold def be. I got a book called "the out of sync child" and it was eye opening. Your DD fits a lot of those charactoristics to a T. I woul be happy to lend you the book if you like, I would like it back but it might give you an idea of a good first step, and questions to ask. PM me if you would like it.
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Old 03-06-2010, 07:33 PM   #10
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Re: Unhappy babies and toddlers

*raises hand*

My son freaks out on a daily basis.. Sometimes I'll just hold him while he screams for HOURS at a time.. He's been "cutting teeth" for several months..

I just thought it was normal and have dealt with it.. But I just don't know.. He has an ear infection once or twice a month. Ugh. I just don't know..

I have no advice.. sorry mama.
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