What to do about nasty kids?

[sandrc]

My fiance's kids are nasty. He has had them on his own for almost 2 years now and they are better than they were but still have a long way to go. (they came from living with a mother who did not care and was as trashy as you could imagine. maybe even moreso)
Anyway. These kids (girl 9 almost 10 and boy 8) do not clean up after themselves (especially in the bathroom) the boy doesn't lift the seat most times and doesn't care where he "hits" and half the time doesn't even flush.
The girl is better but still she is gross leaving "droppings" on the floor at times of the solid variety.
they don't clean up after themselves at the table either. They prefer to hide clothing that has been messed up. The boy still wets the bed and instead of cleaning himself up he prefers to stay wet or hide the wet clothes and sleep on wet sheets.
My fiance has been working with them and together the both of us have been reminding them to clean up after themselves. he gets to take care of the boy stuff like going in to check and remind the boy to clean up his messes. but still it's getting very old.
I came home from work today to find poop in my daughter's potty/stepstool. She has been potty trained for 3 years now and has not used the stepstool as a potty for over 2 years. Still there was poop in it. I have an idea it was the older girl but have no proof of course.
I'm so sick of the discusting messes. I don't know what to do. When confronted with questions they deny they did anything. Someone tried to flush almost a half roll of toilet paper the other night yet no one was in the bathroom. (we all know it was the boy that time since he was the last one in) I'm *this* close to taking away all their private bathroom time and having one of us set up watch to make sure they clean up their messes. I know that isn't right. They are too old for that but still. They are acting like babies. My almost 5 year old is much cleaner than that!

What can we do before we loose our minds?

[doodah]

I don't know what you can do but I certainly would address any parenting issues before getting married. I am sort of getting the vibe that you think the kids are "nasty" versus what they are doing as "nasty". Separate the action from the child otherwise they will be feeling that disgust from you and that will not be a good foundation for step-parenting them. Sorry I don't have any actual tips that might help.

[mamatje]

I feel like these are problems you need professional help with. It's not that they are nasty, they sound like they have some very serious issues.

[sandrc]

Originally Posted by doodah I don't know what you can do but I certainly would address any parenting issues before getting married. I am sort of getting the vibe that you think the kids are "nasty" versus what they are doing as "nasty". Separate the action from the child otherwise they will be feeling that disgust from you and that will not be a good foundation for step-parenting them. Sorry I don't have any actual tips that might help.

Thank you for pointing that out. The kids themselves are not nasty. Just their actions. I do love the kids, and their father and I have talked about this and have talked to the kids about it.

[Sweet_Fantasy_Fox]

I agree with the two mama's above. for their ages this is not normal and they need to receive appropriate help from a professional, they are just children and need this, you and your fiance need to step in and set something up to get the help that is needed.
you know, at least they are young enough to absorb the help they will receive and be better because of it, they aren't quite rebellious teens. Goodluck mama, you all as family can help resolve this.