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Old 03-23-2010, 06:51 PM   #11
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Re: Lying...

Gah! It's happening here too, and it's driving me mad. My 6 YO ds and 12 YO ds are the worst offenders, and it makes me, other than being driven mad, sad that I feel like I've gone wrong in my parenting somewhere to have made this happen.


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Old 03-23-2010, 07:07 PM   #12
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Re: Lying...

This behavior is extremely common for 5 and 6 year olds. We have often been taught in subtle ways that children are lying, stealing or cheating when they deny an action, take something that does not belong to them or do not follow a particular rule. Sometimes we think they are willfully misbehaving. In truth, young children do not have the same mental perspectives on many of these things. They think differently; they are "egocentric." This means they are only thinking of themselves. As they mature, with gentle guidance, we can help them gain empathy and understanding for others beyond themselves. Morality comes with maturity. Again telling a child they are lying is not the best tact.In some cases direct confrontation is not needed.
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Old 03-23-2010, 08:25 PM   #13
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Re: Lying...

Here's the way I try to parent in regards to lying.
1) I don't give them the opportunity to lie when I know they've done something they shouldn't have done. I try to avoid asking, "Who did XYZ?" or "Did you just ABC?" or even "Why did you do that?" because it opens the door to them giving me an answer that they think I would prefer to hear-i.e. lying. When I see my child doing something we both know he/she shouldn't be doing, I address it head on. "I see you upset your sister. How can you make it better." Rather than making them "own up to it."

2) When they do lie (and all kids do it on occasion), I give them an opportunity to come clean about it by reminding them that lying makes everything worse. Usually they fess up after that reminder. I have been known to tell a child, "I am going to go change a diaper/use the bathroom/go get the mail, and when I come back I will be ready for the truth." If they do not, they receive 2x the consequences they would have received for the original infraction by itself.

3) For a persistant lyer, he/she loses whatever small amount of independence they normally have. Since it is a matter of trust, that is the way I present it to them. "Since you have chosen to not be trustworthy by lying, I cannot trust you so you must stay with me at all times." This means the child follows me everywhere I go and is not allowed to leave my presence unless it is to sleep. Bathroom included. My children miss their freedom to go where they wish in the house very soon. It is a pain in the rear to do, but they get the point.

There is also an age when they experiment with truth, fantasy, and untruth. We talk a lot during this age about the difference between pretending to be a "bad guy" and really stealing something from the store. We talk about pretending that an imaginary friend dumped all the books off the bookshelf and presenting that pretend story as the truth. And when they lie, I do point it out to them. How else will they know what a lie is, if I never tell them?
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Old 03-23-2010, 10:18 PM   #14
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Re: Lying...

ugh join my club! DS is 7 and outright LIES!!! Weve made progress but we still catch him. According to the school counselor its a normal phase and usually stops around the 3rd grade.
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