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Old 03-31-2014, 09:14 PM   #361
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Re: Aug 2011 March chat!

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Originally Posted by katengrace View Post
Hallie that's so tough! I think I would feel kinda weird about them seeing his new apartment too...I mean I am all for being open with them (age appropriate of course), but it makes it seem more permanent. Has he talked to you at all? I guess I'm impatient...I'd be demanding some answers.
I agree.

I would either demand answers or tell him I'd made his decision easy on him bc I'm moving on.

Hallie idk how many times I tried to write something only to erase it. I know what I want to say but don't know how to say it without coming of insensitive bc it's not my intent but your dh is pissing me off. sorry

I don't know him or his ways but I categorize a group of men as mind ducks but not ducks. Him saying to you I need time, in my own apartment for this set amount of time so I can see if I want our family is why I put him in that category. It's the guy who did wrong admits he did wrong but is torturing you. And they want nothing to do with you until the day you stop calling them , not interested in what they say, don't try to make them happy and look stronger than you ever looked, and feel stronger than you ever felt.

The problem with that. Once you get to that point you are so over them and just want them to leave you alone. Here is where they cry for you and beg for your forgiveness and you finally feel good they do it. But while they do that they still make comments or do something that reminds you of the crap they did before and you tell them "no I'm good I don't think this is going to work" then they get more tearful and begging and all of a sudden they want all the things you ever wanted. But while they are crying you look at them and think "how could I be with someone so pathetic?"

They are mind ducks

I'm sorry

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Old 03-31-2014, 09:21 PM   #362
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Alison, you should have been a therapist!! Mind ducks. Why has no one used this term officially??

Hallie, I am so sorry. I can't put it all into words other than I hope he is genuinely using his time to really gather his thoughts and figure out what it is he wants and quick. Hanging out to dry is hard
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Old 03-31-2014, 09:25 PM   #363
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Re: Aug 2011 March chat!

Just trying to keep it pg quack
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Old 03-31-2014, 10:32 PM   #364
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I agree about your hubby pissing me off. I was talking to Ray about the whole situation. (I hope you don't mind.) he looked really confused and asked, "How is he working on his marriage and family by leaving them? You can't do both." It was a really good point of view. I'm so very sorry Hallie. I can't imagine being in your shoes. I'm continuing to pray for you. And the willingness to kick some butt for you still stands as well...
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Old 04-01-2014, 02:36 AM   #365
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Thanks for the input girls... I too am really torn between bring angry and mad..then on the other hand I don't want to drive him away any more ! I really want this family and want the kids to have mommy and daddy together. Each our family's have the opinion of you r dh Amy, and we talked about it last nigt actually, and he gets really defensive and mad sad that no one supports him for doing this. Thing is he says he is doing this to help save this marriage, he says " I would have moved out and been done, got divorce but I am trying to see if I can get my self together and want to choose to fix us. " This is what he tells me?
When I say I am sad, miss you, sitting here alone each night, he says well I am sad too my apartment doeznt feel like home...
It's just sad bc his dad was a cheater and I knew this but I also knew his heart was different and thought he would never do that to me. He feels so bad bc he knows this he didnt ever want to be like his dad.
I really hope we can talk in front of our old pastor together soon, pray that we can do that it would be a trip to chattanooga.
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Old 04-01-2014, 02:43 AM   #366
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Allison thanks for taking time to write that theory out! Lol
I want to do those things like stop calling, stop doing things for him, but I am afraid it will drive him away?? I still am caring for him showing love even though I am hurt . Is this bad? Should I just cut him off so to speak? I am worry about the kids seeing this,,,, ughhh
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Old 04-01-2014, 06:14 AM   #367
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Re: Aug 2011 March chat!

Hugs hallie.

I'm super tough in theory.

I'm thinking about you all the time.
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Old 04-01-2014, 08:10 AM   #368
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Old 04-01-2014, 08:10 AM   #369
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Oh and I want you all to know I am thankful for your support, I have no friends here close by that I will tell all this too. It would be awkward...I have told my two best friends some of this on the phone..butnot told anyone that he cheated on me except yall.
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Old 04-01-2014, 10:41 AM   #370
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Hallie. You have nothing to be ashamed of. No one should make you feel like you do.
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