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Old 04-20-2017, 01:09 PM   #61
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Re: Babysitter during small group

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I'm trying. That's why I haven't really been saying much in the group. I don't want to be taken the wrong way, so to me it's easier to just sit and listen to everyone than to risk saying something wrong. Unless I'm with people I know very well, I feel like I need to process and rehearse what I'll say in my head before I say anything out loud.
My husband has pointed things out to me & keeps trying to help me be more.... Idk... He says to seem less like a robot.


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I'm fascinated by this. Do you have sibling? Do they communicate in the same way?

I've said the exact words to one of my sons (robot). But honestly it is very difficult to explain what comes naturally to me and my dh and the rest of his siblings.

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Old 04-20-2017, 01:30 PM   #62
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Re: Babysitter during small group

Sounds like you have an idea on what to do re: church, your other mom friend, and childcare. Also the local day care reg. agencies in your area may be able to steer you to licensed day care sitters if you require or wish. Their listings would include hours and schedules, rates, and other conditions that you may wish to look into, etc.

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Old 04-20-2017, 04:30 PM   #63
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Re: Babysitter during small group

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Originally Posted by kristinajura View Post
I'm trying. That's why I haven't really been saying much in the group. I don't want to be taken the wrong way, so to me it's easier to just sit and listen to everyone than to risk saying something wrong. Unless I'm with people I know very well, I feel like I need to process and rehearse what I'll say in my head before I say anything out loud.
My husband has pointed things out to me & keeps trying to help me be more.... Idk... He says to seem less like a robot.


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Ok. I just got home and am catching up.

Kristina-oh my goodness. That woman is psycho. I absolutely agree that your husband doesn't need to email her, text her or talk on the phone with her. There is no telling what she might say that he said. And her texting him after getting off the phone with you is just ridiculous. That is called, "stirring the pot." And that is not ok, especially between a husband and wife.

Please do not blame yourself for this woman's crazy antics. Regardless of the way you communicate, her behavior is unacceptable in any social situation.
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Old 04-20-2017, 06:03 PM   #64
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Re: Babysitter during small group

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What is it with these woman who are on good terms with the husband's first? I had my own thread about this. I need to update that one.

I would not lead with homebirth. Speaking from experience here. 😄
LOL, never lead with homebirth.
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Old 04-20-2017, 08:33 PM   #65
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Re: Babysitter during small group

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LOL, never lead with homebirth.


Bahaha they'll find out one way or another, but I won't bring it up unless asked "so which hospital are you going to?". Which my pediatrician asks (there are many in the area), but when I say we're doing another homebirth, he gets all excited for us and says thats wonderful.


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Old 04-20-2017, 08:47 PM   #66
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Babysitter during small group

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Ok. I just got home and am catching up.

Kristina-oh my goodness. That woman is psycho. I absolutely agree that your husband doesn't need to email her, text her or talk on the phone with her. There is no telling what she might say that he said. And her texting him after getting off the phone with you is just ridiculous. That is called, "stirring the pot." And that is not ok, especially between a husband and wife.

Please do not blame yourself for this woman's crazy antics. Regardless of the way you communicate, her behavior is unacceptable in any social situation.

Thanks. I've kind of been processing all day and think I'm done going over everything.
I think I'll send her some texts (DH says it's less formal than an email, which was my initial idea) in which I would be like "well now that I've had time to process the questions you asked, here are some better answers". I really don't care if I'm ever friends with her at this point, but we do need to not be super awkward at our indefinite amount of weekly meetings & DH agreed that it might help a bit. Like to her question "so how do you make new friends?" ( if I don't just randomly ask personal questions and think I'm getting to know someone) I like to actually do something, even if it's just being outside or cooking together and get to actually know how a person is rather than just facts about them. Mannerisms and personality are so much more than q&a facts... And I have this antidote (that's the right word I think) about how in cosmetology school, we were a class of 5? And it took months before I actually talked much to all but 1 of them. Classes started in November & in December we did a secret Santa. The girl I got along with and was friends with (the only one I still talk to actually & it's been like 10 years now) told me how the other girls in class went to her and asked "hey, so what is Kristina like? You're the only one she really talks to". I don't just go around befriending whole groups at a time. It takes time to learn someone's personality enough to be open with them. seriously.
And like, to what would I do instead of this "girls night out dinner" they all wanted... Well, that doesn't appeal to me... To sit at dinner, only distraction is food... Being expected to just talk with people I barely know. Before kids... What i did for fun was I did ballet class & during nice weather we would get a ton of people together and play a few hours of ultimate frisbee. Then afterwards, the closer friends of ours would come by for a bonfire. We didn't go to dinner, we didn't go to movies, we didn't go shopping unless we needed something. We spent time doing real, fun things.
Hopefully explaining that stuff via text, where I can proofread and process what I'm saying, will do some good. If not, then at least I gave it a shot.


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Old 04-20-2017, 09:01 PM   #67
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Babysitter during small group

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I'm fascinated by this. Do you have sibling? Do they communicate in the same way?



I've said the exact words to one of my sons (robot). But honestly it is very difficult to explain what comes naturally to me and my dh and the rest of his siblings.


I do have siblings. Sister is 2.5 years younger, brother is 5? 6? Years younger.
They do not. I actually get along with my brother better fwiw.
If you have more questions about the robot aspect, go for it. I don't really know how to explain that too well.

I don't know why I'm like this, just very factual & as logical as possible. It irritates me when people make too emotional of a decision often times. I'm sure how I was brought up molded me to be this way. I hope God doesn't frown upon me for how I am & knows that I don't intentionally go out to hurt anyone, ever. I've actually a few times in life, caught myself becoming too mean-sarcastic (especially while we lived in California a while) and made a point of just stopping because that's not a good quality. My DH suggested I let the group know that I do have prayer requests, but don't have to say what they are yet, just to show that I do actually have stuff going on. I've been through a lot of stuff the last like 6 years, really. A lot of stuff I like to just ignore & suppress because it'll make me cry & I don't like crying in front of people. I always feel like my job is to make everything ok and to cheer people up. Not to make them feel bad for me or cry.

It's annoying though, at one of the initial meetings, we went around the room & each person picked a thing off this list of things they're looking for out of the group. I think everyone chose spiritual growth as a primary. The guy leading at the time actually skipped over me, even though I was sitting right next to him. Then he realized it, but nobody was paying attention anymore. I said mine, and he acknowledged it, but didn't care that nobody else heard. I said safety (like that the group is a safe place to be yourself) & care (like that you're in a place where people genuinely care for & about you). Idk about you, but if someone said totally different answers than anyone else, you'd think it'd be important to make sure the rest of the group that is supposed to become like family to each other would be aware.


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Old 04-23-2017, 09:04 PM   #68
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Re: Babysitter during small group

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Bahaha they'll find out one way or another, but I won't bring it up unless asked "so which hospital are you going to?". Which my pediatrician asks (there are many in the area), but when I say we're doing another homebirth, he gets all excited for us and says thats wonderful.


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I am the same, i don't bring it up unless asked because, yeah, if on your first meeting you say "Hi, I'm BLANK, I birth babies at home." You will get some stares.
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Old 04-24-2017, 07:01 AM   #69
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Re: Babysitter during small group

How are you doing, Kristina? Have you had another meeting yet?
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Old 04-24-2017, 09:10 AM   #70
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Re: Babysitter during small group

" I'm like this, just very factual & as logical as possible".......
and
"people make too emotional of a decision often times".
and
"we went around the room & each person picked a thing off this list of things they're looking for out of the group. I think everyone chose spiritual growth as a primary. The guy leading at the time actually skipped over me, even though I
was sitting right next to him. Then he realized it, but nobody was paying attention anymore. I said mine, and he acknowledged it, but didn't care that nobody else heard. I said safety (like that the group is a safe place to be yourself) & care (like that you're in a place where people genuinely care for & about you). Idk about you, but if someone said totally different answers than anyone else, you'd think it'd be important to make sure the rest of the group that is supposed to become like family to each other would be aware".


I hope that you find safety and awareness from within. In my experience, safety and awareness is your own achievement and not handed to you by the group. Again, in my experience, safety and awareness stays with you no matter what the group dynamic is, who the group member is or what he/she does. Best to you.

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